"Catholic Divine Will " ... in thirty-six volumes by Luisa Piccarreta

Prayer of Consecration to the Divine Will

2008-06-30T05:53:00.000-07:00

Prayer of Consecration
to the Divine Will

O adorable and Divine Will, here I am, before the immensity of Your Light, that Your eternal Goodness may open to me the doors, and make me enter into It, to form my life all in You, Divine Will.

Therefore, prostrate before Your Light, I, the littlest among all creatures, come, O adorable Will, into the little group of the first children of Your Supreme Fiat. Prostrate in my nothingness, I beseech and implore Your endless Light, that It may want to invest me and eclipse everything that does not belong to You, in such a way that I may do nothing other than look, comprehend and live in You, Divine Will.

It will be my life, the center of my intelligence, the enrapturer of my heart and of my whole being. In this heart the human will will no longer have life; I will banish it forever, and will form the new Eden of peace, of happiness and of love. With It I shall always be happy, I shall have a unique strength, and a sanctity that sanctifies everything and brings everything to God.

Here prostrate, I invoke the help of the Sacrosanct Trinity, that They admit me to live in the cloister of the Divine Will, so as to restore in me the original order of Creation, just as the creature was created.

Celestial Mother, Sovereign Queen of the Divine Fiat, take me by the hand and enclose me in the Light of the Divine Will. You will be my guide, my tender Mother; You will guard your child, and will teach me to live and to maintain myself in the order and in the bounds of the Divine Will. Celestial Sovereign, to your Heart I entrust my whole being; I will be the tiny little child of the Divine Will. You will teach me the Divine Will, and I will be attentive in listening to You. You will lay your blue mantle over me, so that the infernal serpent may not dare to penetrate into this Sacred Eden to entice me and make me fall into the maze of the human will.

Heart of my highest Good, Jesus, You will give me Your flames, that they may burn me, consume me and nourish me, to form in me the life of the Supreme Will.

Saint Joseph, You will be my Protector, the Custodian of my heart, and will keep the keys of my will in Your hands. You will keep my heart jealously, and will never give it to me again, that I may be sure never to go out of the Will of God.

Guardian Angel, guard me, defend me, help me in everything, so that my Eden may grow flourishing, and be the call of the whole world into the Will of God.

Celestial Court, come to my help, and I promise You to live always in the Divine Will. Amen.

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Volume One

2008-06-28T03:14:00.000-07:00

VOLUME 1

J.M.J.
In the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Out of pure obedience, I begin to write.
You know, oh! Lord, the sacrifice it costs me, such that I 0 submit myself to a thousand deaths rather than write one single line of the things that have passed between me and You. Oh! my God, my nature trembles, it feels crushed and almost undone at the mere thought of it. O please! give me strength, oh! Life of my life, that I may do the holy obedience! You who have given inspiration to the confessor, give me the grace to be able to execute what is commanded of me.
Oh! Jesus, oh! Spouse, oh! my strength - to You I rise, to You I come, into your arms I introduce myself, I abandon myself, I rest. O please! relieve me in my affliction and do not leave me alone and abandoned! Without your help, I am sure I will not have the strength to do this obedience that costs me so much - I will let myself be defeated by the enemy, and I fear of being crushed by You, justly, because of my disobedience.
O please! look at me, again and again, oh! Holy Spouse, in these arms of yours – see by how much darkness I am surrounded; it is so thick as to allow not even one atom of light to enter into my soul. Oh! my mystical Sun, Jesus – let this light shine within my mind, that it may dispel the darkness and I may freely remember those graces that You had given to my soul. Oh! Eternal Sun, unleash another ray of light into my inmost heart, and purify it of the mud in which it lies – ignite it, consume it with your love, so that my heart, which, more than anything, has experienced the sweetnesses of your love, may manifest them clearly to the one to whom it is obliged to do so. Oh! my Sun Jesus, one more ray of light upon my lips, that I may say the pure truth, with the sole purpose of knowing whether it is really You, or rather, an illusion from the enemy. But, oh! Jesus, how poor in light I still see myself in these arms of yours. O please! content me – You who love me so much, continue to send me light. Oh! my Sun, my beautiful One, I want to enter right into the center, that I may remain completely sunken within this most pure light. Oh! Divine Sun, let this light precede me in front of me, follow me behind me, surround me everywhere, and penetrate into every intimate hiding place of my interior, that my terrestrial being may be consumed, and You may transform it completely into your Divine Being.
Most Holy Virgin, lovable Mother, come to my aid, obtain for me from your sweet Jesus and mine, grace and strength in order to do this obedience. Saint Joseph, my dear protector, assist me in this circumstance of mine. Archangel Saint Michael, defend me from the infernal enemy, who puts so many obstacles in my mind to make me fail this obedience. Archangel Saint Rafael, and you, my guardian Angel, come to assist me and to accompany me, to direct my hand, that I may write the truth alone.
May everything be for the honor and glory of God – and to me, all the confusion. Oh! Holy Spouse, come to my help. In considering the many graces You have given to my soul, I feel all horrified and frightened, all full of confusion and shame at seeing myself still so bad and unrequiting of your graces. But, my lovable and sweet Jesus, forgive me, do not withdraw from me, but continue to pour your grace into me, that You may make of me a triumph of your mercy.

I begin. A novena of Holy Christmas. At the age of about seventeen, I prepared myself for the Feast of Holy Christmas, by practicing various acts of virtue and mortification, and, especially, by honoring the nine months which Jesus spent in the maternal womb with nine hours of meditation each day, always concerning the mystery of the Incarnation.
As for example, in one hour, with my thought, I brought myself to Paradise, and I imagined the Most Holy Trinity: the Father, sending the Son upon earth; the Son, promptly obeying the Will of the Father; the Holy Spirit, consenting. My mind was confounded in contemplating a mystery so great, a love so reciprocal, so equal, so strong among Themselves and toward men; and then, the ingratitude of men, and especially my own. I would have remained there, not for one hour, but for the whole day; but an interior voice told me: “Enough – come and see other greater excesses of my love.”
Then, my mind brought itself into the maternal womb, and remained stupefied in considering a God so great in Heaven, now so annihilated, restricted, constrained, as to be unable to move, and almost even to breathe. The interior voice told me: “Do you see how much I have loved you?” O please! make Me a little space in your heart; remove everything which is not mine, so you will give Me more freedom to move and to breathe.” My heart was consumed; I asked for His forgiveness, I promised to be completely His own, I poured myself out in crying; but – I say this to my confusion – I would go back to my usual defects. Oh! Jesus, how good You have been with this miserable creature.
In this way I would spend the second hour of the day, and then, so forth with the rest – I would be annoying if I told them all. And I would do this sometimes kneeling, and when I was impeded by my family, also while working. In fact, the interior voice gave me no respite and no peace if I did not do what it wanted; therefore, work was not an impediment for me to doing what I had to do. In this way I spent the days of the novena, and when the eve came, I felt more than ever ignited with unusual fervor. I was alone in the room, and here comes Little Baby Jesus in front of me – all beautiful, yes, but shivering, in the act of wanting to hug me. I stood up and ran to hug Him, but in the act of squeezing Him He disappeared from me – and this occurred as many as three times. I remained so moved and ignited that I cannot explain it. But then, after some time, I did not take it much into account. I did not tell anyone, and from time to time I would fall into my usual defects. However, the interior voice never left me again; in everything it reprimanded me, it corrected me, it encouraged me – in a word, the Lord acted with me like a good father, whose child tries to deviate from the right path, and he uses all the attentions and cares to hold him back, so as to make of him his honor, his glory, his crown. But, oh! Lord, too ungrateful have I been with You.
So, from the beginning, the Divine Master began to strip my heart of all creatures, and through an interior voice, He would tell me: “I am all that is beautiful and that deserves to be loved. See, if you do not remove this little world that surrounds you – that is, thoughts of creatures, imagination – I cannot enter freely into your heart. This murmuring in your mind is a hindrance to letting you hear my voice more clearly, to pouring my graces, to truly enamoring you of Me. Promise Me that you will be all mine, and I Myself will put my hand in the work. You are right that you can do nothing. Do not fear, I will do everything; give Me your will - this is enough for Me.”
This would happen mostly during Communion. So I would promise Him to be all His own; I would ask His forgiveness, for up to that point, I had not been so; I would say to Him that I truly wanted to love Him, and I prayed Him never to leave me alone again without Him. And the voice would continue: “No, no - I will be together with you, observing all of your actions, your movements, your desires.”
So, I would feel Him upon me for the whole day; He reprimanded me in everything. For example, if I let myself be carried away in conversing a little too much with my family, even of indifferent things which were not necessary, the interior voice would tell me: “These discourses fill your mind with things that do not belong to Me; they surround your heart with dust, such as to make you feel my grace as weak, no longer alive. O please! imitate Me when I was in the house of Nazareth – my mind was occupied with nothing but the glory of the Father and the salvation of souls; my mouth uttered nothing but holy discourses. With my words I tried to repair for the offenses against the Father, to dart through hearts and draw them to my love – and primarily my Mother and St. Joseph. In a word, everything called upon God, everything was done for God, and everything referred to Him. Why could you not do the same?”
I remained mute – all confused. I tried to be alone as much as I could; I confessed to Him my weakness, and I asked for His help and grace to be able to do what He wanted, because, by myself, I could do nothing but evil. If during the day my mind was occupied with thinking about people I loved, immediately He would reprimand me, telling me: “Is this the love you have for Me? Who has ever loved you like Me? Look, if you do not stop it, I will leave you.” At times I felt myself being given such and so many bitter reproaches, that I would do nothing but cry.
One morning in particular, after Communion, He gave me a light so clear about the great love He had for me, and about the fickleness and inconstancy of creatures, that my heart was so convinced as to be incapable, from that time on, of loving anyone. He taught me the way how to love people without detaching myself from Him – that is, by looking at creatures as images of God, in such a way that, if I received good from creatures, I was to think that God alone was the prime author of that good and that He had used the creature in order to send it to me; so my heart would be bound more to God. If then I received mortifications, I was to look at them also as instruments in the hands of God for my sanctification; so my heart would not remain huffy with my neighbor. In this way, it happened that I would look at all creatures in God. Whatever fault I might see in them, I would never lose esteem for them. If they mocked me, I felt obliged, thinking that they were allowing me to make more gains for my soul; if they praised me, I received these praises with contempt, saying: ‘Today this, tomorrow they may hate me’, considering their inconstancy. In sum, my heart acquired such freedom, that I myself cannot explain it.
When the Divine Master freed me from the external world, then He put His hand into purifying my interior, and through an interior voice He told me: “Now we are alone – there is no one left who may disturb us. Aren’t you happier now than before, when you had to content many upon many? You see, it is easier to content one alone. You must consider as if you and I were alone in the world; promise Me to be faithful, and I will pour such and so many graces into you, that you yourself will be amazed."
Then He continued, telling me: “I have made great designs upon you, as long as you correspond to Me – I want to make of you a perfect image of Me, beginning from the moment I was born up to my death. I Myself will teach you, little at a time, the way you will do it.”
And it happened in this way: every morning, after Communion, He would tell me what I was supposed to do during the day. I will say everything briefly, because after so much time it is impossible to say everything. I don’t remember for sure, but it seems to me that He told me that the first thing which was necessary in order to purify the interior of my heart, was the annihilation of myself – that is, humility. And He continued, telling me: “See, so that I may pour my graces in your heart, I really want to make you understand that by yourself you can do nothing. I am very much wary of those souls who attribute what they do to themselves, wanting to make of my graces as many thefts. On the other hand, with those who know themselves, I am generous in pouring my graces in torrents. Knowing very well that they can attribute nothing to themselves, they are grateful to Me, they hold it in that esteem which befits it, and they live with the continuous fear that, if they do not correspond to Me, I may take away from them that which I gave, knowing that it is not something of their own. All the opposite in the hearts which reek of pride. I cannot even enter into their hearts because they are so swollen with themselves that there is no space in which to put Myself. The miserable ones take my graces into no account, and they go from fall to fall, up to their ruin. Therefore, on this day I want you to make continuous acts of humility; I want you to be like a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, who can move neither a foot to take a step, nor a hand to work, but expects everything from his mother. In the same way, you will stay close to Me like a baby, always praying Me to assist you, to help you; always confessing to Me your nothingness – in sum, expecting everything from Me.”
I tried to do as much as I could to content Him – I would make myself smaller, I would annihilate myself, and sometimes I reached the point of feeling my being as almost undone, in such a way that I could not work, nor take one step, or even one breath if He did not sustain me. Also, I saw myself as so bad, that I was ashamed of being seen by people, knowing myself as the ugliest – as, in reality, I am still. So, as much as I could shun people, I shunned them, saying to myself: ‘Oh! if they knew how bad I am, and if they could see the graces that the Lord is giving me (for I wouldn’t tell anything to anyone), and that I am always the same – oh! how horrified they would be with me.’
Then, in the morning, when I would go again to Communion, it seemed that in coming into me He made feast for the contentment He felt in seeing me so annihilated. He would tell me other things about the annihilation of myself, but in ways which were always different from the previous time. I believe that He spoke to me not once, but hundreds of times; and if He had spoken to me thousands of times, He would have always new ways to speak about the same virtue. Oh! my Divine Master, how wise You are – had I at least corresponded to You.
I remember that, one morning, while He spoke to me about the same virtue, He told me that because of lack of humility I had committed many sins, and that if I had been more humble, I would have kept closer to Him and I would not have done so much evil. He made me understand how ugly sin is – the affront that this miserable little worm had made to Jesus Christ, the horrendous ingratitude, the enormous wickedness, the harm that had come to my soul. I was so dismayed, that I did not know what to do in order to repair. I did some mortifications, I asked for more from the confessor, but few were given to me, so they all seemed shadows to me, and I did nothing but think about my sins, though clinging more and more to Him. I had such fear of moving away and of doing worse than before, that I myself cannot express it. When I was with Him, I did nothing but tell Him of the pain I felt for having offended Him. I kept asking for His forgiveness, I thanked Him for having been so good to me, and I said to Him from the heart: ‘See, Oh Lord, the time I have lost, while I could love You.’ So, I was unable to say anything but the grave evil I had done.
Finally, one day, reprimanding me, He told me: “I do not want you to think about it. When a soul has humbled herself, convinced of having done wrong, and has cleansed her soul in the Sacrament of Confession, and is ready to die rather than offend Me - it is an affront to my mercy, it is a hindrance to drawing her close to my love, because her mind is always trying to roll in the past mud. She also prevents Me from letting her take flights toward Heaven, because she is always with those ideas wrapped within herself, if she tries to think about it. And then, see, I no longer remember anything; I have perfectly forgotten about it. Do you see any rancor or shadow on my part?”
And I said to Him: ‘No Lord, You are so good.’ But I felt my heart split with tenderness.
“Well then, are you the one who wants to carry these things on?”
And I: ‘No, no, I don’t want to.’
And He: “Let us think about loving and contenting each other.”
From that time on, I did not think about it so much; I did as much as I could in order to content Him, and I prayed that He Himself would teach me what I should do in order to repair for the time past. And He said to me: “I am ready to do what you want. See, the first thing that I told you I wanted from you was the imitation of my life; so, let us see what you lack.”
‘Lord’, I said to Him, ‘I lack everything – I have nothing.’ “Well then”, He said to me, “do not fear, little by little we will do everything. I Myself know how weak you are, but it is from Me that you must draw strength.” (I don’t remember it in sequence, but I will say what I can) And He added: “I want you to be always upright in your operating – with one eye look at Me, and with the other eye look at what you are doing. I want creatures to disappear from you completely. If you receive a command, do not look at the people, no – but you must think that I Myself want you to do what you are being commanded. So, with your eye fixed in Me, you will not judge anyone, you will not look at whether the thing is painful or enjoyable – whether you can do it or not. Closing your eyes to all this, you will open them to look at Me alone; you will take Me together with you, thinking that my gaze is fixed on you, and you will say to Me: ‘Lord, for You alone I do this; for You alone I want to work – no longer a slave of the creatures.’ So, if you walk, if you work, if you speak – in anything you do, your only aim must be that of pleasing Me alone. Oh! how many defects you will avoid, if you do this.”
Other times, He would say to me: “I also want that, if people mortify you, insult you, contradict you, you keep your gaze fixed in Me, thinking that from my own lips I am saying to you: ‘Daughter, it is I Myself that want you to suffer this - not the creatures. Remove your gaze from them; but you and I, always – all others you must destroy. See, I want to render you beautiful by means of these sufferings; I want to enrich you with merits, work your soul, render you similar to Me. You will give it to Me as a gift, you will thank Me affectionately, and will be grateful to those people who give you the occasion to suffer, repaying them with some benefit. By doing this, you will walk as upright before Me; nothing will ever again give you restlessness, and you will enjoy perfect peace.”
After I tried to exercise myself in these things for some time - now doing it and now falling (although I see clearly that I still lack this spirit of uprightness, and I am ever more confounded, thinking of such great ingratitude of mine) - He spoke to me about, and made me understand, the necessity of the spirit of mortification. (Although I remember that, in all these things that He told me, He always added that everything should be done for love of Him, and that the most beautiful virtues, the greatest sacrifices, would render themselves insipid if they did not take origin from love. “Charity”, He said to me, “is a virtue that gives life and splendor to all others, in such a way that, without it, they are all dead. My eye receives no attraction, and they have no power over my Heart. Be attentive, then, and let your works, even the least ones, be invested by charity – that is, in Me, with Me and for Me”).
So, let’s go back to mortification. “I want”, He said to Me, “that all your things, even the necessary ones, be done in a spirit of sacrifice. See, your works cannot be recognized by Me as mine, if they do not have the imprint of mortification. Just as a coin is not recognized by the peoples if it does not carry on itself the image of their king – even more, it is despised and neglected - the same with your works: if they do not have the graft with my cross, they cannot have any value. See, now it is not about destroying the creatures, but yourself – making you die in order to live only in Me and of my own life. It is true that it will cost you more than what you have done; but pluck up courage, do not fear – it is not you who will do it, but I Myself will operate in you.”
So I received more lights about the annihilation of myself. He said to me: “You are nothing but a shadow – as you try to grab it, it escapes you. You are nothing.”
I felt so annihilated, that I would have wanted to hide in the deepest abysses, but I saw myself incapable of doing it. I felt such blushing that I remained mute. While I was in this undoing of my nothingness, He said to Me: “Draw near Me, cling to my arm – I will sustain you with my hands and you will receive strength. You are blind, but my light will serve you as guide. See, I will place Myself in front of you, and you will do nothing but look at Me in order to imitate Me.”
Then He said to me: “The first thing I want you to mortify is your will. That ‘self’ must be destroyed in you; I want you to keep it sacrificed as victim before Me, so that your will and Mine may become one. Aren’t you happy?”
‘Yes, Lord, but give me the grace, for I see that by myself I can do nothing.’ And He continued, telling me: “Yes, I Myself will contradict you in everything, and occasionally by means of creatures.”
And so it happened. For example, if in the morning I woke up and did not get up immediately, the interior voice would tell me: “You rest, while I had no other bed but the cross. Hurry up, hurry up – not so much satisfaction.” If I walked and my sight would run a little farther, immediately He would reprimand me: “I do not want this. Do not let your sight move away from you but the length of one step, so that you won’t trip.” If I was in the countryside and I saw flowers and trees, He would say to me: “I have created everything for love of you, and you, deprive your sight of this delight for love of Me.” Even in the most innocent and holy things, as for example the cloths for the altars, the processions, He would say to me: “You must take no other pleasure but in Me alone.” If I was sitting while working, He would say to me: “You are too comfortable; don’t you remember that my life was a continuous suffering – and you? And you?” In order to content Him, I would immediately shift to half of the chair, leaving the other half empty; and sometimes, jokingly, I said to Him: ‘See oh Lord, half the chair is empty – come and sit near me.’ Sometimes it seemed He would content me, and I felt such delight that I myself cannot express it. Sometimes, then, while I was working a little slowly and listlessly, He would say to Me: “Hurry up, help yourself, for in the time you gain by helping yourself you will come and be with Me in prayer.” Sometimes, He Himself would assign to me how much work I was supposed to do. Then I would pray Him to come and help me. “Yes, yes”, He would answer me, “we will do it together, so that when you have finished, we will be more free.” And it would happen that in one hour or two I did what I was supposed to do during the whole day. Then I would go to pray, and He gave me much light and told me many things, such that it would be too long if I wanted to say them all.
I remember that while I was alone, working, I noticed that the thread was not enough to finish that work, and that I would need to go to my family in order to get some. So I turned to Him and I said: ‘What is the purpose of having helped me, my beloved? As I see that I need to go to my family, I may find people who may prevent me from coming back here, and this time our conversation will come to nothing.’ “What, what?”, He said to me, “Don’t you have faith?” ‘Yes.’ “Well then, do not fear, for I will make you complete everything.” And so it happened; and then I would start to pray.
If then, at lunch time, I ate something tasty, immediately He would reprimand me interiorly, saying: “Have you perhaps forgotten that I had no other taste but suffering for love of you? And that you must have no other taste but mortifying yourself for love of Me? Leave it aside, and eat that which you like the least.” And immediately I would take it and bring it to the maid, or I would say that I didn’t want it any more; and many times I remained almost on an empty stomach. However, when I would go to pray, I would receive so much strength and feel so satiated, that I would feel nausea for everything. Other times, then, in order to contradict me, if I did not feel like eating, He would say to me: “I want you to eat for love of Me, and as the food unites with the body, pray to Me that my love may unite with your soul; and everything will be sanctified.”
In a word, without going any further, even in the smallest things, He tried to make my will die, so that it might live only for Him. He allowed that I be contradicted also by the confessor. As for example: I would feel a great need to receive Communion; for the whole day and night I would do nothing but prepare myself. My eyes could not close to sleep because of the continuous throbbing of my heart. I would say to Him: ‘Lord, hurry, for I cannot be without You. Accelerate the hours, let the sun rise quickly, for I cannot endure anymore, my heart is fainting.’ He Himself would make me such loving invitations that I would feel my heart crack. He would say to me: “See, I am alone, do not be troubled because you cannot sleep – this is about keeping company with your God, with your Spouse, with your All, who is continuously offended. O please! do not deny Me this relief, because, then, in your afflictions I do not leave you.” But while I was with these dispositions, in the morning I would go to the confessor, and without knowing why, the first thing he would say to me was: “I do not want you to receive Communion.” I tell the truth, this was so bitter for me, that sometimes I would do nothing but cry. I would not dare to say anything to the confessor, because He Himself wanted him to do so, otherwise He would reproach me. But I would go to Him and tell Him of my pain: ‘Ah! my Good, is this the vigil we have kept last night - that after so much waiting and yearning I was to remain without You? I know well that I must obey, but tell me something – can I be without You? Who will give me strength? And then, who will have the courage to depart from this church without bringing You along? I don't know what to do, but You can remedy everything.’ While pouring myself out in this way, I would feel a fire come near me, and a flame enter into my heart. I would feel Him inside of me, and immediately He would say to me: “Calm yourself, calm yourself. Here you are - I am already in your heart. What do you fear now? Do not afflict yourself any more, I Myself want to dry your tears. You are right, you could not be without Me, could you?”
I would then remain so very annihilated within myself, and I would say to Him that if I were good, He would not have disposed it that way; and I prayed Him never to leave me again, for I did not want to be without Him.
After these things, one day, after Communion, I felt Him within me, all love – loving me so much that I myself was very much amazed, for I saw myself as so bad and unrequiting. And I said within myself: ‘If only I were good and requiting. I fear that He might leave me (I have always had this fear that He might leave me, and I still do; and sometimes the pain I feel is so great, that I believe that the pain of death would be lesser, and if He Himself does not come to calm me, I can give myself no peace) - while He wants to draw more intimately close to me.’ While I felt Him inside of me in this way, through an interior voice, He said to me: “My beloved, the things past have been nothing but a preparation. Now I want to come to facts, and in order to dispose your heart to do what I want from you – that is, the imitation of my life - I want you to sink into the immense sea of my Passion; and when you have understood well the bitterness of my pains, the love with which I suffered them, Who I am who suffered so much, and who you are, a most wretched creature – ah! your heart will not dare to oppose the blows, the cross, which, only for your good, I have prepared. On the contrary, by just thinking that I, your Master, have suffered so much, your pains will seem shadows to you compared to mine. Suffering will be sweet for you, and you will reach the point of not being able to be without sufferings.”
My nature trembled at the mere thought of sufferings; I prayed that He Himself would give me the strength, because without Him I would use His very gifts to offend the giver. So, I gave all of myself to meditating the Passion, and this did so much good to my soul, that I believe that all the good has come to me from that source. I pictured the Passion of Jesus Christ like an immense sea of light, which wounded me all over with His innumerable rays – rays of patience, of humility, of obedience, and of many other virtues. I saw myself as all surrounded by this light, and I remained annihilated at seeing myself so different from Him. Those rays that inundated me were as many reproaches for me. I heard them say: “A God so patient - and you? A God humble and submitted even to His very enemies – and you? A God who suffers so much for love of you – and where are your sufferings for love of Him?”
Sometimes He Himself would make me the narration of the pains suffered by Him, and I was so moved that I would cry bitterly. One day, while working, I was considering the most bitter pains that my good Jesus suffered; I felt my heart so oppressed by the pain, that I was out of breath. Fearing something, I wanted to distract myself by going out to the balcony. I go about looking in the middle of the street – but what do I see? I see the street all filled with people, and, in the middle, my loving Jesus with the Cross upon His shoulders. Some pulled Him to one side, some to another. All panting, with His face dripping with blood, He raised His eyes toward me in act of asking for my help. Who can tell the sorrow I felt, the impression that a sight so pitiful made on my soul. I immediately went inside, I myself did not know where I was; I felt my heart split with pain. I shouted; crying, I said to Him: ‘My Jesus, if only I could help You! If only I could free You from those wolves so rabid! Ah! I wish at least to suffer those pains in your place, to give a relief to my sorrow. O please! my Good, give me suffering, for it is not fair that You suffer so much, while I, a sinner, remain without suffering.’
From that time on, I remember that such a great yearning for suffering ignited within me, that it has not dampened yet. I also remember that after Communion I would ardently pray Him to concede me suffering; and sometimes, to content me, He seemed to take the thorns from His crown and prick my heart. Other times, I felt Him take my heart in His hands and squeeze it so tightly, that I felt faint for the pain. When I realized that people might notice something, and He was disposed to give me these pains, I would immediately say to Him: ‘Lord, what are You doing? I beg You to give me suffering, but that it be hidden to everyone.’ Up to a certain time, He made me content, but my sins have rendered me unworthy to suffer hiddenly, without anyone noticing it.
I remember that many times, after Communion, He said to me: “You will not be able to truly resemble Me other than by means of sufferings. Up until now I have been together with you; now I want to leave you alone a little bit, without letting Myself be felt. See, up to now I have led you by the hand, instructing you and correcting you in everything, and you have done nothing but follow Me. Now I want you to do it by yourself. However, be more attentive than before, thinking that my gaze is fixed on you, though I do not let Myself be heard; and that when I return to make Myself heard, I will come either to reward you, if you have been faithful to Me, or to chastise you, if you have been ungrateful to Me.”
I would be so frightened and terrified. Upon such intimation, I would say to Him: ‘Lord, my All and my Life, how can I survive without You - who will give me the strength? How can this be? After You have made me leave everything, so much so that I feel as if no one existed for me - You want to leave me alone and abandoned. Have You perhaps forgotten how bad I am, and that without You I can do nothing?’ And because of this objection, assuming a more serious look, He would add: “The reason is that I want you to understand well who you are. See, I do this for your good; do not be saddened – I want to prepare your heart to receive the graces which I have designed for you. Up until now I have assisted you sensibly; now, less sensibly – I will make you touch your nothingness with your own hand; I will fuse you thoroughly in profound humility, in order to be able to build most high walls upon you. So, instead of afflicting yourself, you should rejoice and thank Me, because the more quickly I make you cross the stormy sea, the sooner you will reach the port of safety; the harder the trials to which I will submit you, the greater the graces I will give you. Courage, then, courage, and I will come back soon.” And in saying this, He seemed to bless me, and then He would leave.
Who can say the pain I felt - the void He left in my interior, the bitter tears I shed? But I would resign myself to His Holy Will. It seemed that from afar I would kiss His hand which had blessed me, saying to Him: ‘Good-bye, oh Holy Spouse, good-bye.’ I felt as if everything was over for me, because I had only Him, and since He was missing, no other consolation was left to me, but everything would convert into most bitter pains. Even more, creatures themselves would provoke my pain, in such a way that all the things I would look at, seemed to say to me: “See, we are works of your Beloved – and He, where is He?” If I looked at the water, at the fire, at flowers, and even at stones, immediately my thought would say: ‘Ah! these are works of your Spouse. Ah! they have the good of seeing Him, and you do not see Him. O please! works of my Lord, give me news – tell me, where is He? He told me He would come soon, but who knows when.’
At times, I would reach such bitter desolation that I would feel breathless, ice cold all over, and a shiver throughout my whole person. Sometimes my family would notice it; they attributed it to a corporal malady and wanted to put me under treatment, and call doctors. Sometimes they insisted so much that they succeeded, but I would do as much as I could to remain alone; so, they noticed it only a few times. I remembered still, all the graces, the words, the corrections, the reproaches, and I could see with a clear eye how all the work done until then, everything - everything, had been the work of His grace, and that there was nothing left of me but mere nothing and inclination to evil. I could touch with my own hand how, without Him, I could no longer feel love so sensibly, and those lights so clear during meditation, such that I would remain there for two or three hours. However, I did as much as I could in order to do whatever I used to do when I felt Him within me, because I felt those words being repeated to me: “If you are faithful, I will come to reward you; if ungrateful, to chastise you.”
In this way I would spend sometimes two days, sometimes four, more or less, as He pleased. My only comfort was to receive Him in the Sacrament. Ah! yes, certainly I found Him there – I could not doubt; and I remember that only a few times He would not let Himself be heard, because I prayed Him and prayed Him and importuned Him so much, that He would content me. However, not loving and lovable, but severe.
After I would spend those days in that state described above, especially if I had been faithful to Him, I would feel Him come back within me. He spoke to me more clearly, and since during the previous days I had not been able to conceive one word or feel anything within me, I came to know, then, that it was not my fantasy, as I would say many times before; so much so that, of what has been said up to here, I would not say anything, either to the confessor or to any other living soul. But I did as much as I could to correspond to Him, otherwise He would wage such a war against me, that I would have no peace. Ah Lord! You have been so good to me; and I, still so bad.
Continuing what I had started, I would feel Him within me, I would hug Him, I would clasp Him to myself, and say to Him: ‘Beloved Good, see how bitter our separation has been for me.’ And He would say to me: ‘What you have gone through is nothing yet – prepare yourself for harder trials. This is why I have come – to dispose your heart and to fortify it. Now you will tell me everything you have gone through – your doubts and fears, all of your difficulties, that I may teach you how to conduct yourself during my absence.”
So I would make Him the narration of my pains, telling Him: ‘Lord, You see, without You I was unable to do anything good. The meditation – I did it all distracted, ugly; so much so that I would not have the courage to offer it to You at Communion. I was unable to stay there for hours, as when I could feel You; I saw myself alone, I had no one with whom to converse, I felt completely empty. The pain of your absence made me experience mortal agonies; my nature wanted to hurry up so as to escape that pain; more so, since it seemed to me that I would do nothing but waste time, with the fear that, in coming back, You might chastise me because I had not been faithful. So I didn’t know what to do. And then, the pain that You are continuously offended, and of not knowing when to do, as You taught me before, those acts of reparation, those visits to the Most Holy Sacrament for the different offenses You receive. Tell me a little bit, then, what should I have done?’ And He, benignly, instructing me, would say:
1 – “You were wrong in being so disturbed. Don’t you know that I am Spirit of Peace, and the first thing I recommend is that you do not perturb the peace of the heart? When in prayer you are not able to recollect yourself, I do not want you to think of this or that – of how it is and how it is not – because by doing so, you yourself call the distraction. Instead, when you find yourself in that state, the first thing is to humble yourself, confessing yourself as deserving of those pains, placing yourself in the arms of the executioner, like a humble little lamb that, while he kills it, licks his hand. So you - while seeing yourself beaten, disheartened, alone, you will resign yourself to my holy dispositions, you will thank Me wholeheartedly, you will kiss that hand of mine that strikes you, recognizing yourself unworthy of those pains. Then, you will offer to Me those bitternesses, anguishes, tediums, praying Me to accept them as a sacrifice of praise, of satisfaction for your sins, of reparation for the offenses that they give Me. By doing so, your prayer will ascend before my throne as most fragrant incense; it will wound my Heart, and you will draw new graces and new charisms upon yourself. In seeing you humble and resigned, all sunken into your nothingness, the devil will not have the strength to get close. And here is how, where you thought you were losing, you will make great gains.”
2 – With regard to Communion, I do not want you to afflict yourself because you are not able to stay there; know that this is a shadow of the pains I suffered in Gethsemani. What will happen when I make you share in the scourges, the thorns and the nails? The thought of greater pains will make you suffer the minor pains with more courage. So, when during Communion you find yourself alone, agonizing, think that I want you a little bit as company in my agony in the garden. Therefore, place yourself near Me, and make a comparison between your pains and mine: see, you - alone and without Me; and I too - alone, abandoned by my most faithful friends who are there sleeping; left alone even by my Divine Father; and then, in the midst of most bitter pains, surrounded by snakes, by vipers, by rabid dogs, which were the sins of men – and yours were there too, doing their part - such that they seemed to want to devour Me alive. My Heart was taken by such grips, that I felt It as if It were under a press; so much so, that I sweat living blood. Tell Me, when have you arrived at suffering so much? Therefore, when you find yourself without Me, afflicted, empty of any consolation, filled with sadnesses, with worries, with pains, come close to Me, wipe that blood from Me, offer those pains to Me as relief for my most bitter agony. By doing so, you will find the way to be able to spend time with Me after Communion. It is not that you will not suffer, because the most bitter pain I can give to the souls dear to Me is to deprive them of Me; but by thinking that with that suffering of yours you give relief to Me, you will also be content.
3 – As for the visits and acts of reparation, you must know that everything I did in the course of thirty-three years, from when I was born, up to when I died, I am continuing in the Sacrament of the altar. Therefore I want you to visit Me thirty-three times a day, honoring my years and also uniting with Me in the Sacrament, with my own intentions – that is, reparation, adoration…. This you will do at all times: with the first thought of the morning, fly immediately before the tabernacle in which I am present for love of you, and visit Me; with the last thought of the evening, while you sleep at night, before and after your meal, at the beginning of each one of your actions, while walking, working….”
While He was saying this to me, I saw myself all confused. Not knowing whether I could manage to do them, I said to him: ‘Lord, I pray You to be with me until I acquire the habit of doing them, for I know that with You I can do everything - but without You, what can I, miserable, do?’ And He, benignly, added: “Yes, yes, I will content you – when have I ever failed you? I want your goodwill, for whatever help you want, I will give to you.” And so He did.
After I had spent some time, now with Him, and now without, one day, after Communion, I felt more intimately united to Him. He asked me various questions, as for example: if I loved Him, if I was ready to do what He wanted, even the sacrifice of my life for love of Him. He also said to me: “And you - tell me what you want; if you are ready to do what I want, I too will do what you want.” I saw myself all confused; I could not understand that way of operating of His. But with time I understood that that way of acting is when He wants to dispose the soul to new and heavy crosses; and He knows how to draw her so close to Himself with those stratagems, that the soul does not dare to oppose what He wants. So I said to Him: ‘Yes, I love You; but You tell me, Yourself – can I find anything more beautiful, more holy, more lovable than You? And then, why ask me if I am ready to do what You want, when it has been so long since I delivered my will to You, and I prayed You not to spare me even tearing me to pieces, as long as I may give You pleasure? I abandon myself in You, Oh Holy Spouse – operate freely, do with me whatever You want; give me your grace, for by myself I am nothing and can do nothing.’
And He repeated to me: “Are you truly ready for anything I want?” I saw myself more confused, annihilated, and I said: ‘Yes, I am ready’ – but almost trembling. And He, compassionating me, continued to tell me: “Do not fear, I will be your strength – it is not you that will suffer, but I Myself will suffer and fight within you. See, I want to purify your soul from every slightest spot which might hinder my love in you; I want to test your faithfulness. But how can I see if this is true, other than by placing you in the midst of the battle? Know then, that I want to put you in the midst of demons. I will give them freedom to torment you and to tempt you, so that after you have fought the virtues with the opposite vices, you may already find yourself in possession of those very virtues which you think you are losing. And then, your soul, purged, embellished, enriched, will be like a king returning victorious from a most fierce war, who, while he thought he would lose what he possessed, comes back more glorious and filled with immense riches. Then will I come; I will form in you my dwelling, and we will be always together. It is true that your state will be painful; the demons will give you no more peace, either at daytime or at night – they will always be in act of waging a most fierce war against you. But you, always keep your aim at what I want to make of you – that is, making you similar to Me – and at the fact that you will not be able to arrive at this, other than by means of many and great tribulations. In this way, you will have more courage to bear the pains.”
Who can tell how frightened I was at such announcement? I felt my blood freeze, my hair curl, my imagination filled by black ghosts that seemed to want to devour me alive. It seemed to me that, before putting me in that painful state, the Lord gave freedom to everything I was to suffer, and I saw myself surrounded by all this. So I turned to Him, and said to Him: “Lord, have pity on me! O please! do not leave me alone and abandoned. I see that the rage of the demons is such that they will leave not even the dust of myself – how shall I be able to resist them? My misery, and how bad I am, is well known to You; therefore, give me new grace that I may not offend you. My Lord, the pain that most torments my soul is to see that You too must leave me. Ah! to whom shall I say a word any more? Who will teach me? However, may your Will be always done - I bless your Holy Will.
And He, benignly, continued to say: “Do not afflict yourself so much; know that I will never allow them to tempt you beyond your strengths. If I allow this, it is for your good. I never put souls in battles so that they may perish; first I measure their strengths, I give them my grace, and then I put them in. And if some souls fall, it is because they do not remain united to Me by means of prayer; no longer feeling the sensitivity of my love, they go begging for love from creatures, while I alone can satiate the human heart. They do not let themselves be guided by the sure path of obedience, believing more in their own judgment, than in those who guide them in my place. So, what is the wonder if they fall? Therefore, what I recommend to you is prayer. Even if you should suffer pains of death, you must never neglect that which you are used to doing; even more, the more you see yourself in the abyss, the more you will invoke the help of the One who can free you. Still more, I want you to place yourself, blindly, in the hands of the confessor, without examining what is being said to you. You will be surrounded by darkness, and will be like one who has no eyes, and who needs a hand to guide her. The eye for you will be the voice of the confessor, which, like light, will clear the darkness from you; the hand will be obedience, which will be your guide and support to make you reach a safe harbor. The last thing I recommend to you is courage. I want you to enter the battle with intrepidity. The thing that an adversary army fears the most is to see courage, strength, the way in which one confronts the most dangerous fights, without fearing anything. So the demons are; there is nothing they fear more than a courageous soul who, all cleaving to Me, with a strong spirit, goes into their midst - not to be wounded, but with the firm resolve to wound them and to exterminate them. The demons are left frightened, terrified, and would rather flee; but they cannot, because they are bound by my Will, and they are forced to stay, to their greater torment. Therefore, do not fear them, for they can do nothing to you without my Will. And then, when I see that you can no longer resist and are about to fail, if you are faithful to me, I will come immediately, I will put everyone to flight, and I will give you grace and strength. Courage, then, courage.”
Now, who can tell the change that occurred in my interior? Everything was horror for me. That love which I felt in me before, I saw now changed into atrocious hate. What pain, not being able to love Him. The thought that that Lord who had been so good to me, I was now forced to abhor and curse as if He were the most cruel enemy - tortured my soul. I could not look at Him, even through His images, because in looking at them, in holding rosaries in my hands, in kissing them, I had such rushes of hate and such strength, that doing that and reducing everything to pieces was the same. And sometimes I put up such resistance that my nature trembled from head to foot. Oh God, what a most bitter pain! I believe that if in hell there were no other pains, just the pain of not being able to love God would form the most horrible hell. Many times the devil would place before me the graces that the Lord had given me, now as a crafting of my imagination so that I would make a life more free, more comfortable; and now as true, and they reproached me by saying: “Is this the love He had for you? Is this the recompense – leaving you in our hands? You belong to us, you belong to us, everything is over for you, there is nothing left to hope for.” And I felt such rushes of indignation against the Lord, and of desperation being cast into my interior, that many times, if I found myself with some images in my hands, the power of the indignation was such that I would tear them apart. But while doing this, I would cry and kiss it – but I don’t know how I was forced to do it.
Now, who can tell the torment of my soul? The demons made feast and laughed – some would make noise from one point, some from another; some would yell and shout, some would deafen me with screams, saying: “See how you belong to us – there is nothing left but taking you to hell, body and soul, and then you will see what we will do to you.” Sometimes I felt myself being pulled – now from my clothes, now from the chair on which I was kneeling; they would move it and yell so much that I could not pray. And sometimes the fear was such that, thinking I could free myself, I would go and lay down in bed (since these dins occurred mostly at night); but even there, they would follow me, pulling the pillow and the blankets. Now, who can tell the fright, the fear I felt? I myself did not know where I was, whether on earth or in hell. The fear that they would really take me away was such that I could no longer close my eyes to sleep. I was like one who has a cruel enemy who has sworn to take his life away at any cost; and I believed that this would happen to me as soon as I would close my eyes. Therefore I felt as if someone put something inside of them, in such a way that I was forced to keep them wide open to see when they were going to take me away – who knows whether I might pluck up the strength to oppose what they wanted to do. I felt my hair stand on end, one by one over my head, and a cold sweat throughout my whole person, which penetrated deep into my bones; and I felt my nerves and bones being dislocated, one by one, wriggling about out of fear.
Other times, I felt incited to such temptations of desperation and of suicide, that sometimes, finding myself close to the well or to a knife, I felt drawn to throw myself into it, or to take the knife and kill myself. The effort I had to make in order to run away was so great, that I felt pains of death; and while running away, I felt them come after me, suggesting to me that it was useless for me to live after I had committed so many sins, and that God had abandoned me because I had not been faithful. Even more, I felt as if I had done many wicked things which my soul had never in the world committed; therefore for me there was no more mercy to hope for. In the depth of my soul I felt repeat: ‘How can you live as an enemy of God? Do you know Who that God is, whom you have offended, cursed, hated? Ah! that immense God who surrounded you everywhere, and whom you have dared to offend under His very eyes. Ah! now that you have lost the God of your soul, who will ever again give you peace? Who will free you from so many enemies?’ The pain was such that I did nothing but cry. Sometimes I would start to pray, and I would feel the demons come over me to increase my torment, and some would beat me, some would prick me, some would suffocate my throat. I remember that once, while I was praying, I felt my feet being pulled from underneath the earth, and the earth open, and flames come out; and I was sinking into it. The fright and the pain were such that I remained half dead; so much so, that in order to make me recover from that state, Jesus Christ came and consoled me. He made me understand that it was not true that I had placed my will to offend Him, and that from the most bitter pain I felt, I myself could know that the devil was a liar and that I should not pay attention to him; that for now I had to have patience in suffering those bothers, and that then, peace would come. This would happen from time to time, when I would really come to the extremes, and sometimes in order to put me into more bitter torments. In the act of that comfort the soul would be convinced, because before that light it is impossible for the soul not to learn the truth; but then, when I was in the fight, I would find myself in the same state as before.
He also tempted me not to receive Communion, persuading me that after I had committed so many sins, it was a boldness to go there, and that if I dared to, not Jesus Christ, but the devil would come, and would give me so many torments as to make me die. However, obedience would win. It is true that sometimes I suffered mortal pains, such that I could hardly recover after Communion, but when the confessor absolutely wanted me to receive It, I could not do otherwise. So, I remember that quite a few times I did not receive It.
I also remember that sometimes, while I was praying in the evening, they would turn off the lamp; sometimes they would let out such roars as to strike fear; other times, feeble voices as if they were dying. But who can tell all that they would do? It is impossible.
So, this hard trial, though I don’t remember too well, lasted for three years; however, there were days or weeks of interval. It is not that they would cease completely, but they began to mitigate.
I remember that after one Communion, the Lord taught me what to do in order to put them to flight – that is, despising them and not bothering about them at all, considering as if they were as many ants. I felt so much strength being infused in me, that I no longer felt that fear of before. So I would act in this way: when they made clamors and noise, I would say to them: ‘It shows that you have nothing to do, and that in order to spend time you are doing so many silly things. Go ahead, do them, for when you get tired, you will stop it.’ Sometimes they would stop; other times they would get so angry as to make greater noise. I felt them near me, making themselves stronger and doing violence to themselves in order to take me away; I felt the horrible stench, and the heat of the fire. It is true that I felt a certain shiver in my interior, but I would pluck up courage, and say to them: ‘Liars that you are - if this were true, you would have done it from the first day; but since it is false, and you have no power over me but that which comes to you from above - go ahead, keep singing; and then, when you are tired, you will croak.’ If then they emitted laments and shouts, I would say to them: ‘What is this – you could not add to the accounts today?’, that is: ‘Have some souls been taken away from you, that you lament so much? Poor ones, they don’t feel well; but I too want to make you lament a little bit.’ And I would begin to pray for sinners, or to do acts of reparation. Sometimes I would laugh when they started to do the usual things; and I would say to them: ‘How can I fear you, cowardly species? If you were serious beings, you would not have done so many silly things. Don’t you yourselves feel ashamed? Don’t you make fun of yourselves?’ If then they tempted me with blasphemies or hatred against God, I would offer Him that most bitter pain, that violence I made to myself in seeing that, while the Lord deserved all the love, all the praises, I was forced to do the opposite - in reparation for many who blaspheme against Him freely, and who do not even remember that a God exists, whom they are obliged to love in return. If they incited me to desperation, in my interior I would say: ‘I don’t care either about hell or about paradise; what I care about is to love my God. This is not the time to think about anything else; rather, it is the time to love my good God as much as I can. Paradise and hell I place in His hands – He, who is so good, will give me what is best for me, and will give me a place in which I can glorify Him more.’
Jesus Christ taught me that the most effective means for the soul to be freed of every vain apprehension, of every doubt, of every fear, was to protest before Heaven, earth and the very demons, that she does not want to offend God, even at the cost of her life, and that she does not want to consent to any temptation of the devil. And this, as soon as the soul feels the coming of the temptation, in the act of the battle, if she can, and as she begins to feel free - and also during the course of the day. By doing this, the soul will not waste time in thinking about whether she has consented or not, because the mere memory of her promise will already give her peace; and if the devil tries to disturb her, she will be able to answer that if she had the intention of offending God, she would not have protested the opposite. In this way, she will remain free of any concern.
Now, who can tell the rage of the devil because, by acting in this way, all of his tricks resolved into confusion for himself, and where he thought he would gain, he would lose, and his very temptations and tricks were used by the soul in order to make acts of reparation and love for her God.
The other way He taught me to cast away temptations, was the following: if they tempted me to suicide, I was to answer: ‘You have no permission from God; on the contrary, to your annoyance, I want to live so as to be able to love my God more.’ If then they beat me and hit me, I was to humiliate myself, kneel and thank my God, because this was happening as a penance for my sins; not only this, but to offer everything as acts of reparation for all the offenses against God, which were made in the world.
Lastly, an ugly temptation that lasted for a short time was that, after being in contact with demons so ugly for about one and a half years, I would become pregnant and deliver a little demon with horns. My imagination would breed itself in such a way, that I saw myself in a horrible confusion in the face of what people would say about me, because of such an awful event.
Finally, after about one and a half years of this fight, the cruelties of the demons ceased, and a whole new life began, although the demons did not stop bothering me from time to time. However, it was not so frequent, the battle was not so fierce, and I became used to despising them.
The new life that began was at the Farm called “Torre Disperata”. One day while, more than ever, I was tormented by the devil, to the point that I felt I was losing my strengths and fainting, around evening, while I was in this state, I felt I was having a deadly fit and I lost consciousness. In that state, I saw Jesus Christ surrounded by many enemies – some were beating Him, some were slapping Him, some were driving thorns into His head, some were breaking His legs, some His arms. After they reduced Him almost to pieces, they put Him in the arms of the Madonna; and this happened not too far from me. After the Most Holy Virgin took Him in Her arms, She drew near me, and crying, She said to me: “Daughter, see how my Son is treated by men - the horrible offenses they commit, which never give Him respite. Look at Him, how He suffers.” And I tried to look at Him, and I saw Him all blood, all wounds, and almost cut up, reduced to a mortal state. I felt such pains that I would have wanted to die a thousand times rather than see my Lord suffer so much. I felt ashamed of my little sufferings. The Most Holy Virgin added, but always crying: “Come closer to kiss the wounds of my Son. He chooses you as victim, and if many offend Him, by offering yourself to suffer what He suffers, you will give Him a relief in so much suffering. Won’t you accept?” I felt so annihilated; I saw myself so bad (and I am still so) and unworthy, that I did not dare to say “yes”. My nature trembled; I felt so weak from the past pains, that it barely left me a thread of life. Then, I don’t know how, I saw demons yelling and shouting from afar, and I saw that everything I had seen the Lord suffer, they were going to do to me, if I accepted. I felt such pains, sufferings, pulling of nerves within me, that I thought I was going to leave life.
Finally, I drew near and I kissed His wounds. It seemed that, after I did that, those limbs so lacerated would heal, and the Lord, who before seemed to be almost dead, would begin to revive to new life. Interiorly, I received great lights about the offenses that are given, and attractions to accept being a victim though I should suffer a thousand deaths, for the Lord deserved everything, and I could not oppose what He wanted. This happened while we were in mute silence. But those gazes that we exchanged were so many invitations, so many burning darts that pierced my heart through. The Most Holy Virgin, especially, spurred me on to accept; but who can tell all that I went through? Finally, looking at me benignly, the Lord told me: “You have seen how much they offend Me, and how many walk along the paths of evil, and without realizing it, fall into the abyss. Come to offer yourself before Divine justice as victim of reparation for the offenses that are given, and for the conversion of sinners who, with eyes closed, drink at the poisoned fount of sin. A large field of sufferings opens before you, yes - but also of graces; I will never leave you again, I will come within you to suffer all that men do to Me, making you share in my pains. For help and comfort, I give you my Mother.” And He seemed to deliver me to Her - and She accepted me. I too offered all of myself to Him and to the Virgin - ready to do what He wanted. This is how it ended the first time.
After I came round from that state, I felt such pains, such annihilation of myself, that I saw myself as a miserable little worm that was able to do nothing but crawl on the earth. And I said to the Lord: ‘Help – your omnipotence knocks me down; I see that if You do not lift me, my nothing will undo and be dissolved. Give me suffering, but I beg You to give me strength, for I feel I am dying.’ And so an alternation began, of visits from Our Lord and of torments on the part of demons. The more I resigned myself, the more they increased their rage.
A few days after what is said above, I felt like I was losing consciousness again (I remember that, at the beginning, every time I felt such a state come to me, I thought I was going to leave life). As I lost consciousness, Our Lord made Himself seen once again with the crown of thorns on His head, all dripping with blood; and turning to me, He said: “Daughter, take a look at what men do to Me. In these sad times their pride is so great that they have poisoned all the air; and the stench that spreads everywhere is such that it has reached even before my throne in Heaven. They act in such a way as to close Heaven by themselves. The miserable ones do not have eyes to know the truth, because they are obfuscated by the sin of pride, followed by the other vices which they bring with themselves. O please! give Me a relief from so many bitter spasms, and a reparation for so many wrongdoings against Me.” And in saying this, He removed the crown from Himself, which did not look like a crown, but all one piece, such that not even a little portion of the head remained free – it was all pierced through by those thorns. As He removed the crown, He drew near me and asked me if I accepted it. I felt so annihilated; I felt such pains because of the offenses that are given, that I felt my heart split. I said to Him: ‘Lord, do with me what You want.’ And so He took it, He drove into my head, and He disappeared.
Now, who can tell the spasms I felt when I came back into myself? At each movement of my head I thought I would breathe my last, so many were the pains and the prickings I felt in my head, in my eyes, in my ears, behind my neck. I felt those thorns penetrate even into my mouth, and it clenched in such a way that I could not open it to take food, so I would remain sometimes two days, sometimes three, without being able to take anything. When they somehow mitigated, I would feel, sensibly, a hand which pressed my head and renewed the pains; and sometimes the spasms were such that I would lose consciousness because of the pain. At the beginning, this would happen on certain days, while on others it wouldn’t. When they were repeated, it would be three or four times a day, and they would last sometimes a quarter of an hour, sometimes half an hour, sometimes one hour, and then I would remain free, though feeling very weak and in suffering. I would remain in suffering, more or less, depending on how much those pains were communicated to me during that state of dozing.
I also remember that, since sometimes I could not open my mouth in order to take food, as I said above, because of the sufferings in my head, and since my family knew that I didn’t really want to be in company, when they saw that I was not eating, they would attribute it to a fuss of mine, and naturally, they would become irritated, they would get upset, and they would mock me. My nature wanted to resent this, because I saw that what they were saying was not true, but the Lord did not want this resentment - and this is what happened:
One evening, while we were at the table, and I was in this state of not being able to open my mouth, my family began to get upset. I was so affected that I started to cry, and in order not to be seen, I got up and I went somewhere else, still crying; and I prayed Jesus Christ and the Most Holy Virgin to give me help and strength in order to bear this trial. But as I was doing this, I felt I was beginning to lose consciousness. Oh God! what pain was the mere thought that my family was going to see me, for until then, they had not noticed it. At that moment, I said: ‘Lord, do not allow them to see me.’ I was so ashamed of being seen, that I myself cannot explain why, and I tried as much as I could to hide myself in those places where I could not be seen. When then I was caught by surprise, in such a way that I would not have the time to hide or at least kneel - for whatever position I was in, I would remain in it, and they might say I was praying – then I would be found out. As I lost consciousness, Our Lord made Himself seen in the midst of many enemies who gave Him all sorts of insults; especially, they grabbed Him and trampled Him underfoot, they blasphemed against Him, they pulled His hair. It seemed to me that my good Jesus wanted to escape from under those fetid soles, and He kept looking - who knows, He might find a friendly hand who would free Him; but He found no one. While seeing this, I did nothing but cry over the pains of my Lord. I would have wanted to go into the midst of those enemies – who knows, maybe I could free Him; but I did not dare to. I said to Him: ‘Lord, let me share in your pains. O please! if only I could relieve You and free You.’ As I was saying this, those enemies, as if they had understood, came against me – but so enraged. And they began to beat me, to pull my hair, to trample me. I had so much fear; I suffered, yes, but within me I was content, because I could see that the Lord was given a little respite. Afterwards, those enemies disappeared, and I remained alone with my Jesus. I tried to compassionate Him, but I did not dare to say anything. And He, breaking the silence, said to me: “All that you have seen is nothing compared to the offenses that they give Me continuously. Their blindness, their flooding themselves with the things of the earth is such that they reach the point of becoming not only my cruel enemies, but also enemies of themselves; and since their eyes are fixed on mud, they reach the point of despising the Eternal. Who will put a mend to so much ingratitude? Who will have compassion for so many people, who cost Me blood, and who live almost buried in the stench of earthly things? O please! come with Me, and pray and cry together with Me for so many blind who are all eyes for all that gives of earth, and then despise and trample my graces under their filthy feet, as if they were mud. O please! lift yourself above all that is earth – abhor and despise all that does not belong to Me. Do not be affected any more by the insults you receive from your family, after you have seen Me suffer so much; rather, take to heart only my honor, the offenses that they give Me continuously, the loss of so many souls. O please! do not leave Me alone in the midst of so many pains that torture my Heart. All that you are suffering now is little compared to the pains you will suffer. Have I not always told you that what I want from you is the imitation of my life? Take a look at how dissimilar you are from Me. Therefore, pluck up courage and do not fear.”
After this, I returned into myself, and then I realized that I was surrounded by my family. They were crying and were all troubled; and they were so concerned that that state might occur again and, especially, that I might die, that they brought me back to Corato as quickly as they could, so that I might be observed by doctors. I don’t know why, but I felt such pain at the thought that I was to be visited by doctors, that many times I cried and lamented to the Lord, saying to Him: ‘How many times, oh Lord, I begged You to let me suffer hiddenly. This was my only and sole contentment, and now I am deprived also of this. O please! tell me, how shall I endure this? You alone can help me and relieve me from my affliction. Don’t You see how many things they say? One thinks in one way, one in another; one wants to apply one remedy on me, one, another – they are all eyes over me, in such a way that they give me no more peace. O please! help me in so many pains, for I feel life failing me.’
And the Lord, benignly, added: “Do not want to afflict yourself because of this. What I want from you is that you abandon yourself in my arms as if you were dead. Until you keep your eyes opened to look at what I am doing, and at what the creatures do and say, I cannot operate freely upon you. Don’t you want to trust Me? Don’t you know how much I love you, and that everything I allow, either through creatures, or from demons, or directly from Me, is truly for your good and serves for nothing but to lead the soul to that state for which I have chosen her? Therefore I want you to remain in my arms with your eyes closed, without looking at and investigating this or that, trusting Me completely, and letting Me operate freely. If then you want to do the opposite, you will lose much time, and you will come to oppose what I want to do with you. As for creatures, use profound silence, be benign and submissive with everyone; let your life, your breathing, your thoughts and affections be continuous acts of reparations to placate my justice, offering Me, along with them, the bothers from creatures, which will not be few.”
After this, I did as much as I could to resign myself to the Will of God, although many times I was put in such constraints by the creatures, that at times I would do nothing but cry. The time also came to have me visited by a doctor, and he judged that it was nothing other than a nervous phenomenon; so he prescribed medicines, distractions, strolls, cold baths. He recommended to my family that they watch well over me when I was surprised by that state, “because”, he said, “if you move her, you may break her, but not fix her”, since when I was surprised by that state, I would remain petrified.
So, a war arose on the part of my family. They prevented me from going to church; they no longer gave me that freedom to be by myself; I was watched everywhere, and so they noticed it more often. Many times, I lamented to the Lord, saying to Him: ‘My good Jesus, how my pains have increased – I am deprived also of the things dearest to me, which are the Sacraments. I had never thought I would reach this point. But who knows where I will end up! O please! give me help and strength, for my nature is failing me.’ Many times He would deign to tell me a few words. He would say to me: “I am your help, what do you fear? Don’t you remember that I too suffered from all kinds of people - some had one opinion about Me, some another. The most holy things I did were judged by them as faulty, wicked, to the point of telling Me that I was possessed; so much so, that they would look at Me with surly eyes. They would keep Me in their midst, but unwillingly, and would plot among themselves about how they could take my life away as soon as possible, for my presence had become intolerable for them. So, don’t you want Me to make you similar to Me, by making you suffer from creatures?”
And so I spent several years suffering from creatures, from demons, and directly from God. At times I reached such bitterness from creatures and from the way they thought, that I was ashamed of being seen by anyone; so much so, that my greatest sacrifice was to appear in the midst of people – the blushing and the confusion were such, that I felt dazed. There were more visits from other doctors, but they came up with nothing. Sometimes, shedding bitter tears, I would say to Him with all my heart: ‘Lord, how public my sufferings have become – not only to my family, but also to people from outside. I see myself all covered with confusion; it seems to me that everyone is pointing his finger at me, as if these sufferings were the most wicked actions. I myself am unable to tell what has happened to me. O please! You alone can free me from such publicity, and let me suffer hiddenly. I beg You, I implore you – answer me.’ Sometimes the Lord too showed He would not listen to me, and my pains would increase. Then other times, He would compassionate me, telling me: “Poor daughter, come to Me for I want to console you. You are right that you suffer, but don’t you remember that I too – oh! how much more I suffered. Up to a certain point, my pains remained hidden, but when the Will of the Father came for Me to suffer in public, promptly I went out to meet confusions, opprobrium, scorns, to the point of being stripped naked in the midst of a most numerous people. Could you imagine a confusion greater than this? My nature felt these kinds of sufferings greatly, but I had my gaze fixed on the Will of the Father, and I offered those pains in reparation for many who commit the most wicked actions publicly, with open eyes, boasting about them without the slightest blush - saying to Him: ‘Father, accept my confusions and opprobrium in reparation for many who have the insolence to offend You so freely, without the slightest sorrow. Forgive them, give them lights, that they may see the ugliness of sin and convert.’ I want that you too share in these kinds of sufferings. Don’t you know that the most beautiful presents I can give to the souls I love are crosses and pains? You are still a little girl in the way of the cross, therefore you feel too weak. Once you have grown up and have known how precious suffering is, then you will feel stronger. Therefore, lean on Me – rest, for in this way you will acquire strength.”
After I spent some time in this state mentioned above – about six or seven months – the sufferings increased even more, to the point that I was forced to stay in bed. Often that state of losing consciousness multiplied, to the point that I would almost not have one hour free. I reduced myself to a state of extreme weakness; my mouth clenched in such a way that I could not open it at all, and in the few free moments I would have, I was able to take just a few drops of some drink, if I managed at all. And then I was forced to bring it up, because of the continuous vomiting which I have always had. After I remained about eighteen days in this continuous state, they called the confessor, so that I could confess. When the confessor came, he found me in that state of dozing. When I came round, he asked me what was wrong with me. Keeping silent about all the rest, and since at that time the troubles of the demons and the visits of Our Lord continued, I just said to him: ‘Father, it’s the devil.’ He said to me: “Do not be afraid, for it is not the devil; and if it is he, father will free you.” So, giving me the obedience and marking me with the sign of the cross, and helping me to loosen my arms, for I felt my whole body petrified as if it had become one single piece, he managed to restore the motion of my arms, and to make me open my mouth, which before had been unmovable to everything. I attributed this to the sanctity of my confessor, who was really a holy priest. I considered this almost a miracle; so much so, that I would say to myself: ‘See, I was ready to die’ - because I really felt ill, and if that state had continued, I think I would have left life. However, I remember that I was resigned, and that when I saw myself free, I felt a certain regret for not having died.
Then, after the confessor went away and I was free, I went back to the state of before. And so it happened that I spent sometimes a week, sometimes fifteen days, and even months, being surprised by that state every now and then during the day, and I was able to free myself by myself. But when I was discovered, very often as I said before, my family would call the confessor; more so, since they had seen that the first time I had been freed, while everyone believed that I would never again recover from that state. But then I went down to church and I returned to that state again, and so they would call the confessor, and then I would be freed. However, I could never have imagined that it would take the priest to free me from such a state, or that my trouble was an extraordinary thing. It is true that when I would lose consciousness I could see Jesus Christ, but I attributed this to the goodness of Our Lord, saying to myself: ‘See how good the Lord is with me, that He comes to give me strength in this state of sufferings; otherwise, how could I sustain it – who would give me the strength?’ It is also true that when such a state was going to occur, in the morning, during Communion He would tell me, and during that very state, sufferings would come to me from Him Himself. But I would pay attention to none of this; at the mere thought, sometimes, of telling this to the confessor, I felt I was the proudest soul that existed in the world if I dared to open my mouth to speak of these things…of seeing Jesus Christ. And I would feel such blushing, that it was impossible to say anything to that confessor, as good and holy as he was.
It was so true that I did not think that it would take the priest to free me, and that this was happening because of the sanctity of my confessor, that when the time came that he went away to the countryside, one morning, after Communion, the Lord made me understand that I was going to be surprised by that state, inviting me to keep Him company by participating in His pains – and I immediately said to Him: ‘Lord, how shall I do it - the confessor is not here; who is going to free me? Maybe You want to make me die now?’ And the Lord just told me: “Your trust must be only in Me. Be resigned, because resignation renders the soul radiant, and it keeps all other passions in their place, in such a way that, attracted by those rays of light, I go into that soul and I transform her completely within Me, and I make her live from my own Life.”
I resigned myself to His Holy Will; I offered that Communion as the last one of my life, and I gave the last good-bye to Jesus in the Sacrament. But though resigned, I felt my nature so much, that for the whole day I did nothing but cry and pray the Lord to give me strength. In truth, that situation turned out to be so very bitter to me, and without thinking or knowing anything, I found myself with a new and heavy cross, such that I believe it has been the heaviest I have had in my life. While I was in that state of sufferings, I would think of nothing but dying and doing the Will of God. As for my family, which also suffered in seeing me in that state, they tried to call some priests, but for one reason or another, they did not want to come. After ten days came the confessor who used to confess me when I was little, and it happened that he too was able to make me come round from that state. Then I realized the net in which the Lord had wrapped me.
From here, a war arose against me on the part of priests – some would say that it was a pretense, some that beating was needed, some that I wanted to make myself believed a saint; some would add that I was possessed, and many other things, such that, if I wanted to tell them all, the story would be too long. So, with these ideas in their minds, when sufferings would occur and my family would call one of them, they would have such strange reactions, that my poor family suffered very much, especially my poor mama – how many tears she shed for me. Oh! Lord, reward her - You Yourself. Oh! my good Lord, how much I suffered on this side – You alone know everything.
So, who can tell how bitter this situation was for me – that the priest was needed in order to free me from that state of sufferings. How many times I prayed, shedding most bitter tears, that He would free me! How many times I made explicit resistance to the Lord when He wanted me to offer myself as victim and accept the pains. I would say to Him: ‘Lord, promise me that You Yourself will free me, and then I will accept everything; otherwise – no, I don’t want to accept.’ And I would resist the first day, the second, the third… But who can resist God? He would tell me so many things, that in the end I was forced to submit myself to the cross.
Other times, I would say to Him from the heart and with familiarity: ‘Lord, how is it that You have done this? Between You and me, You now want to place a third? And this third one does not want to make himself available. See, we could have been so content, the two of us. When You wanted me to suffer, I would immediately accept, because I would know that You Yourself would free me. There is no need of another hand now. I beg You, free me, and both of us will be more content.’
Sometimes He pretended not to hear me, and He would not tell me anything. Then other times, He would say: “Do not fear, I am the one who gives darkness and light. The time of the light will come. It is my usual way to manifest my works through the priests.”
So I spent three or four years of these contradictions on the part of priests. Many times they would subject me to very hard trials; they would reach the point of letting me remain in that state of sufferings – that is, petrified, incapable of any slightest motion, even of taking a drop of water – for eighteen days, more or less, when they pleased to do so. The Lord alone knows what I was going through in that state; and after they came, I would not even have the good of hearing them say to me: “Have patience, do the Will of God.” Rather, I was reproached as being fussy and disobedient. Oh! God, what pain – how many tears I shed. How many times I thought I was disobedient, saying to myself: ‘How can this be – that virtue which is the most pleasing to the Lord is so far away from me. What good can a disobedient soul ever do or hope for?’ Many times, I would lament to Our Lord, and at times I reached the point of being resentful; and when He wanted me to accept sufferings, I would resist as much as I could. But when He saw that I would begin to resist, the Lord showed He would not pay attention to me and He would not tell me anything else; and then, all of a sudden, He would come to surprise me. As for what the confessor said, that is because sometimes he did not want me to fall into that state; but this was not in my power. Yet It is true that I have been disobedient, and that I have always been good at nothing, but I also remember that the most tormenting pain for me was that of not being able to obey.
I remember that during this period of time there was the cholera; one day I prayed my good Jesus to make this scourge cease. And He said to me: “I will content you, as long as you accept offering yourself to suffer whatever I want.”
I said to Him: ‘Lord, no, I cannot – You know how they think. If this thing could pass only between me and You, I would have been absolutely ready to accept everything.’ And He said to me: “My daughter, if I had thought of what men were thinking and of what they were going to do with Me, I would not have operated the Redemption of mankind. But I had my eyes fixed on their salvation, and the great love that devoured Me made Me act in this way: when I would see people who were thinking ill about Me, and who caused occasion to make Me suffer more, I would offer those very pains that they gave Me for their own salvation. Have you forgotten that what I want from you is the imitation of my Life, and that I will make you share in everything I suffered? Don’t you know that the most beautiful act, the most heroic and most pleasing to Me, which you must offer to Me, is that of offering yourself for the very ones who are against you?”
I remained mute; I did not know what to answer. I accepted everything the Lord wanted, and so in the evening I was surprised by that state of sufferings, and I remained in it for three consecutive days. Then, after I came round, I no longer heard anything about the cholera.
After this, I received another mortification, and this was having to change confessor, because since he was a religious, he was called back to the convent. I was content with him, and most of those dins mentioned above occurred when he was in the countryside, especially during the last year he was my confessor; because of the cholera spreading in town, he spent only six months here. My confessor did not give many reproaches; he would let me remain in that state of sufferings for one day, and then he would come. So, it was less than a month since he had withdrawn to the countryside, and it became known that he was leaving. This was painful for me - not because I was attached, but because of the necessity I had of him. So I went to the Lord and I told Him of my pain, and He said to me: “I do not want you to afflict yourself because of this. I am the master of hearts, and I can turn them and turn them again as I please. If he did some good to you, he has been nothing but a vessel which received from Me, and gave to you. So I will do with the others; what do you fear then? My dear, as long as you keep turning your eye now to the right, now to the left, and you let it set now on something, now on something else, and you do not have your eye fixed on Me, you will not be able to walk speedily along the way of Heaven. On the contrary, you will always be limping and will not be able to follow the influence of grace. Therefore I want you to look at all the things that surround you with holy indifference, remaining all intent on Me alone.”
After these words, my heart acquired so much strength that I suffered little or nothing from such a great loss - of one who had done so much good to my soul.
So it happened that I changed confessor, and I returned to the confessor who used to confess me when I was little. But may the Lord be always blessed who uses those very paths which appear to be contrary to us, almost as if they were to bring harm to our soul, for our greater good and for His glory. So it happened that I began to open my soul, since up to that point I had not said anything to anyone. As much effort as I would make over myself, I could not manage; even more, I would see myself more impotent to tell of the things of my interior. The blushing I felt at the mere thought of telling these things was such that I felt it would have been easier for me to tell the ugliest sins. Where this came from – I don’t know. From the confessor – I don’t think so, because he was so good, trustful, sweet, patient in listening. He would take a most exact care of the soul; he would have his eye on everything, so that I might walk straight. From me – I don’t think so either, because I felt a block over my soul, and I had all the will to free myself and to hear at least what the confessor thought about it; but I felt it was impossible for me to do it. To me, I think that there was an intervention of the Lord.
So, finding myself with the new confessor, I began to open my interior, little by little. Many times the Lord commanded me to manifest to the confessor what He had told me; and when I would not do it, the Lord would scold me, He would reproach me severely, and at times He reached the point of telling me that if I did not do it, He would come no more – which is the most bitter pain for me, such that all the other pains compared to this seem to be nothing but blades of straw. Therefore, the fear that He would really not come was so great, that I did as much as I could in order to manifest my interior. It is true that many times this cost me very much, but the fear of losing my dear Jesus would make me overcome everything. I was also pushed by the confessor to say where such a state was coming from, what happened to me when I was in that doziness, what was the cause of it. He would now command me to manifest it, now force me through the precepts of obedience, and now place before me the fear that I might be living in illusion and deceit, living within myself, while if I manifested it to the priest, I could be more certain and tranquil, because the Lord never permits that the priest be mistaken when the soul is obedient. So, Jesus Christ pushed me from one side, the confessor from the other. It seemed to me that sometimes they were banding together, the two of them - the confessor and Jesus Christ. And so I managed to manifest my soul. The past confessor would not do that – he would not ask me a question; he would not try to know what was happening to me in that state of doziness, and so I myself did not know how to come out and talk about these things. The concern he had was that I be resigned, conformed to the Will of God, bearing the cross that the Lord had given me; so much so, that if sometimes he saw me a little bothered, he would suffer great sorrow.
So it happened that I spent about another year with this confessor, in the same state described above. And since the confessor knew where that state of sufferings was coming from, he told me that when Jesus Christ wanted me to have sufferings, I should go to him to ask for the obedience. I remember that one morning, after Communion, the Lord told me: “Daughter, the iniquities that are committed are so many that the scale of my justice is about to overflow. Know that I will pour heavy scourges upon men, especially a most fierce war in which I will make a slaughter of the human flesh. Ah! yes.” He continued, almost crying: “I gave bodies to men that they might be as many sanctuaries where I would go to delight in them; but they have turned them into sewers of rot, which emanate such stench as to force Me to stay far away from them. See what a recompense I receive for so much love and for the so many pains I have suffered for them. Who has ever been treated like Me? Ah! no one. But what is the cause? It is the excessive love I have for them. Therefore, I will try with the chastisements.”
I felt my heart split with pain; it seemed to me that the offenses they were giving Him were so many, that in order to escape, He wanted to hide within me, almost to find a refuge. I also felt such pains because men were to be chastised, that it seems that I myself was to suffer - not them. Even more, it seemed to me that, if I could, it would have been more bearable for me to suffer all of those chastisements myself, rather than to see others suffer.
I tried to compassionate Him as much as I could, and with all my heart I said to Him: ‘Oh! Holy Spouse, hold back the scourges which your justice has prepared. If the multiplicity of the iniquities of men is great, there is the immense sea of your Blood in which You can bury them. In this way your justice will be satisfied. If You have no where to go to delight Yourself, come into me – I give You all my heart, that You may somehow rest and delight with it. It is true that I too am a bilge of vices, but You can purify me and make of me what You want. But, O please!, placate Yourself. If the sacrifice of my life is necessary – oh! how gladly I would make it for You, as long as I may see your own images spared.’ And the Lord, interrupting my speaking, continued: “Here is exactly where I wanted you – if you offer yourself to suffer, no longer every now and then as up until now, but continuously, every day, for a certain given time, I will spare men. See how I will do it: I will put you between my justice and the iniquities of the creatures, and when my justice sees itself full of iniquities to the point of not being able to contain them, and is forced to send the thunderbolts of the scourges in order to chastise the creatures, in finding you in the middle, instead of striking them, it will strike you. Only in this way will I be able to content you in sparing men – not otherwise.”
I remained all confused; I didn’t know what to say. My nature would do its part, being frightened and trembling, but I saw that my good Jesus was waiting for an answer – whether I accepted or not. So, seeing myself almost forced to speak, I said to Him: ‘Oh! my Most Divine Spouse, on one hand I would be ready to accept, but how is it going to work with the confessor: if he does not want to come every once in a while, how can it be possible that he will come every day? Free me from this cross – that the confessor be needed in order to free me – and then everything will be arranged between me and You.’ Then the Lord said to me: “Go to the confessor and ask him for the obedience. If he wants, you will tell him everything I told you, and you will follow whatever he says. See, it will not be only for the good of creatures that I want these continuous sufferings, but also for your good. In this state of sufferings I will purify your soul thoroughly, in such a way as to dispose you to form a mystical marriage with Me; and after this, I will make the last transformation, in such a way that both of us will become like two candles placed on the fire – one is transformed into the other, and they become one. In this way I will transform Myself in you, and you will remain crucified with Me. Ah! would you not be happy if you could say: ‘The Bridegroom is crucified, but the bride also is crucified’? ‘Ah! yes, there is nothing that renders me dissimilar from Him.’
So, when I was able to speak with the confessor, I told him everything that the Lord had said to me; and since the Lord had said to me those words, “for a certain given time”, without notifying me of the exact time during which I was to suffer continuously, I took it as about forty days, more or less…and now it has been about twelve years that I continue to be in it. But may God be always blessed; may His inscrutable judgments be always adored. I believe that if the blessed Lord had made me understand clearly the length of time I was to be in bed, my nature would have been frightened very much, and would hardly have submitted itself to it. Although I remember that I have always been resigned, at that time I did not know the preciousness of the cross, as the Lord has made me know during the course of these twelve years; nor would the confessor have adapted himself to give me the obedience. So I said to the confessor that the Lord wanted him to give me the obedience to remain in continuous suffering for about forty days, and I told him all the rest. To my surprise – because I thought it was impossible – the confessor told me that if it was really the Will of God he would give me the obedience, because, in reality, it was not that he could not come, but rather… a little bit of human respect. My soul rejoiced very much for I would be able to make the Lord content, and therefore have creatures spared, but my nature was very much afflicted in receiving this obedience; so much so, that for a few days I was very saddened. My soul also was affected very much, thinking that I was to remain for such a long time without being able to receive Jesus in the Sacrament, my only and sole comfort. At times I would feel a war so very fierce within me, that I myself did not know what had happened to me. The devil too would add many things, but my good Jesus put a remedy to everything; and this is how He did it.

By order of the current confessor, I move on to speak about something else. I will obey in manifesting the various ways in which the Lord has spoken to me:
It seems to me that the ways in which the Lord has spoken to me are four; but these four ways of Jesus’ speaking are very different from inspirations.
1 – The first way is when the soul goes out of herself. However, first I want to explain a little bit better about this going out of myself. It happens in two ways: the first is instantaneous, almost in a flash; and it is so sudden, that it seemed to me that the body would lift a little bit from the bed in order to follow the soul, but then it would stay there. And it seemed to me that the body would remain as dead, while the soul would follow Jesus, walking throughout the whole universe - the earth, the air, the seas, the mountains, Purgatory and Heaven, where many times He showed me the place where I will be after I die. The other way, then, for the soul to go out, is more quiet. It seems that the body dozes off insensibly and remains as though petrified at the presence of Jesus Christ; however, the soul remains with the body, and the body no longer feels anything of external things – even if all the universe turned upside down; even if they burned me up and reduced me to pieces.
These two ways, so different, of going out of myself, I have noticed sensibly, because in the first way, having to obey the confessor when he would come to wake me up, I would see him from the place where Jesus would lead me – that is, from the ends of the earth, or of the air, or of the mountains, or of the sea, or of Purgatory, or even of Heaven itself. Even more, it would seem to me that I would not have the time to let the confessor find my soul in the body, and therefore I would not be able to obey. It seemed that, so far away as I was with my soul – I say, it seemed to me – that I would bustle about, and become all anxious and worried that I might not be able to let myself be found there by the confessor in time, and therefore I would not be able to obey. However, I confess that I have always been there in time, and it seemed to me that my soul would enter my body before the confessor would begin to give me the obedience to wake up.
Even more, I tell the truth, many times, from afar, I could see the confessor coming, but in order not to leave Jesus, it seemed that I would not be thinking that the confessor was coming. But then Jesus Himself would hurry me to return with the soul into my body so as to be able to obey the confessor. And then I would feel great reluctance about leaving Jesus, but obedience would win; and upon leaving Jesus, He Himself either kissed me or embraced me, or would do something else to take leave of me. And I, upon leaving my dear Jesus, would say to Him: ‘I go to the confessor, but You, my good Jesus, come back soon, as soon as the confessor goes away.’
These are, then, the two ways in which the soul seemed to go out of the body, and in these two ways in which the soul goes out, God speaks to me. This way of speaking He Himself calls intellectual speaking. I will try to explain it: after the soul has gone out of the body, finding herself before Jesus, she has no need of words in order to understand what the Lord wants to tell her; nor does the soul need to speak in order to make herself understood; but through the intellect – oh! how well we understand each other when we are together. From a light that comes from Jesus into my intellect, I feel everything that my Jesus wants to make me understand being impressed within me. This way is very high and sublime; so much so, that the nature can hardly adapt itself to explain it with words – it can barely give a few ideas. This way of Jesus of making Himself understood is extremely rapid – in one simple instant one learns many sublime things, more than by reading entire books. Oh! what a most ingenious teacher Jesus is – in one simple instant He teaches so many things, while it would take entire years for someone else, if he manages at all, because the terrestrial teacher does not have the power to draw the will of his disciple, or to infuse things in his mind without effort and toil. But not with Jesus: His sweetness, the loveliness of His gesture, the gentleness of His speaking are so great - and then He is so beautiful, that as soon as the soul sees Him, she feels so drawn, that sometimes the speed with which she runs after Jesus is so great, that almost without realizing it, she finds herself transformed into the beloved, in such a way that the soul is no longer capable of distinguishing her terrestrial being, so much is she identified with the Divine Being. Who can tell what the soul feels in this state? It would take Jesus Himself, or a soul perfectly separated from the body, because in finding herself surrounded once again by the wall of this body, and losing that light which before kept her submerged, the soul loses very much and remains obscured. So, if she tries to say something, she can do it only roughly.
To give an idea, I will say that I imagine one born blind, who has never had the good of seeing what is contained in the entire universe, and who, for a few minutes, had the good of opening his eyes to the light and were able to see everything that is contained in the world - the sun, the heavens, the sea, the many cities, the many machines, the varieties of flowers and the many other things that are in the world; and who, after those few minutes of light, returned to the blindness of before. Now, could he describe, distinctly, everything that he has seen? He could give a rough outline, and say a few things confusedly. Now, something similar happens when the soul finds herself separated, and then back into the body. I don’t know whether I am saying nonsense, but just as that poor blind one would remain but with the sorrow of the lost sight, the same for the soul: she lives moaning and almost in a violent state, because the soul feels always violently drawn toward the highest Good. The attraction toward Himself that Jesus leaves in the soul is so great, that the soul would like to remain always attracted within her God. But this cannot be, and therefore she lives as if she lived in Purgatory. I add that the soul has nothing of her own in this state – everything is operation done by the Lord.
2 - Now I will try to explain the second way that Jesus has in speaking: finding herself outside of herself, the soul sees the person of Jesus Christ, for example, as a child, or crucified, or in any other posture; and the soul sees the Lord pronouncing the words from His mouth, and the soul answers from her mouth. Sometimes it happens that the soul begins to converse with Jesus, just as two intimate spouses would do. The speaking of the Lord is very moderate – just four or five words, and sometimes even just one word; very rarely it lengthens a little bit. But in those very few words – ah! how much light He introduces into the soul. I seem to see a little rivulet at first sight, but in looking more closely, instead of a rivulet, one can see an immense sea. Such is one word said by Jesus. The immensity of light it leaves in the soul is such, that by chewing it thoroughly, she discovers so many things, sublime and profitable for her soul, as to remain astonished.
I believe that if all the learned united together, they would all remain confused and mute at one single word of Jesus. Now, this way is more suitable for the human nature, and it can be manifested easily, because upon entering herself, the soul brings with her that which she has heard from the mouth of Our Lord, and she communicates it to the body. It is not so easy when it is through the intellect.
To me, I think that Jesus has this way of speaking in order to adapt Himself to the human nature. It is not that He needs the word in order to make Himself understood, but in this way the soul understands more easily, and she can manifest it to the confessor. In sum, Jesus acts like a most knowledgeable, wise and intelligent teacher, who possesses all sciences to the highest degree, and no one can equal Him. But since He finds Himself in the midst of disciples who have not yet learned the first syllables of the alphabet, keeping all the other studies within Himself, He teaches the a,b,c to the disciples.
Oh! how good is Jesus. He adapts Himself to the learned and speaks to them in a very high manner, in such a way that in order to understand Him, they have to study well what He tells them. And He adapts Himself to the ignorant, pretending to be, He Himself, a little bit ignorant; and He speaks in a low manner, in such a way that no one may remain on an empty stomach from the lesson of this Divine Teacher.
3 – The third way in which Jesus speaks to me is when, in speaking, He communicates its very substance to the soul. It seems to me that just as when the Lord created the world, at one word things were created, in the same way, since His word is creative, in the very act in which He pronounces the word, He creates in the soul that very thing which He is saying. As for example, Jesus says to the soul: “See how beautiful things are, but as much as your eye may flow over the earth and in Heaven, you will never find a beauty similar to Me.” At these words of Jesus, the souls feels a certain something divine enter herself; the soul remains so very drawn toward this beauty, and at the same time she loses attraction for all the other things. As beautiful and precious as they may be, they make no impression on her soul. That which remains fixed within her and almost transmuted into her is the beauty of Jesus: of that beauty she thinks, with that beauty she feels invested, and she remains so enamored that if the Lord did not operate another miracle, her heart would crack, and the soul would breathe her last out of pure love for this beauty of Jesus, so as to fly into Heaven and delight in this beauty of Jesus. I myself don’t know whether I am speaking nonsense.
In order to explain myself better about this substantial speaking of Jesus, I will say something else. Jesus says: “See how pure I am – in you also I want to find purity in everything.” At these words the soul feels a divine purity enter into her. This purity is transmuted into herself, and she arrives at living as if she no longer had a body - and so with the other virtues. Oh! how desirable is this speaking of Jesus. As for myself, I would give away everything that is on earth - if I could possess it - to have one alone of these words of Jesus alone.
4 – The fourth way in which Jesus speaks to me is when I find myself inside myself – that is, in the natural state. This also happens in two ways: the first is when, while being inside myself, recollected within the interior of my heart, without articulation of voice or sound to the ear of the body, Jesus speaks interiorly. The second is just like we do it; and sometimes this happens even when I am distracted or I am speaking with other people. But one of these words alone is enough to make me recollect myself if I am distracted, or to give me peace if I am disturbed, or to console me if I am afflicted.

I will continue from where I left, saying, ‘and this is how He did it’:
In the morning, I went to Communion, and as soon as I received Jesus, I immediately said to Him: ‘My Lord, look at what a storm I find myself in. I should thank You for You gave light to the confessor in giving me the obedience to suffer, but instead, my nature is so very affected that I myself remain confused at seeing myself so bad. However, all this is nothing; You who want the sacrifice, will also give me the strength. But the strongest reason in me is that of having to remain so long without being able to receive You in the Sacrament. Who would be able to resist without You? Who will give me the strength? Where shall I find a refreshment in my afflictions?’ And while saying this, I felt such pains in my heart because of this separation from Jesus in the Sacrament, that I cried my heart out. Then, the Lord, compassionating my weakness, told me: “Do not fear, I Myself will sustain your weakness. You do not know what graces I have prepared for you, and this is why you fear so much. Am I not omnipotent? Will I not be able to make up for the privation of being able to receive Me in the Sacrament? Therefore, resign yourself, place yourself as though dead in my arms; offer yourself as voluntary victim to repair for the offenses against Me, for sinners, and to spare men the deserved scourges, and as a pledge I give you my word that I will not leave you even one day without coming to see you. Up until now you have come to Me, from now on I will come to you – aren’t you happy?”
So I resigned myself to the Holy Will of God, and I was surprised by this state of sufferings. Now, who can tell the graces that the Lord began to give me? It is impossible to tell everything distinctly; I can say something confusedly. But as much as I can, and in order to do the holy obedience which wants it so, I will try to say as much as it is possible for me.
I remember that from the very beginning of my being continuously bedridden, my Lover Jesus would make Himself seen very often, which He had not done in the past. From the beginning He told me that He wanted me to take on a new way of life in order to dispose myself to that mystical marriage which He had promised me. He would say to me: “Beloved of my Heart, I have put you in this state so that I might come more freely to converse with you. See, I have freed you of all external occupations, so that, not only your soul, but also your body might be at my disposal, and so that you might remain in continuous holocaust before Me. See, had I not drawn you into this bed, since you would have to carry out your family duties and submit yourself to other sacrifices, I could not come so often and let you share in the offenses, just as I receive them; at most, I would have to wait for when you have fulfilled your duties. But now – no, we are free, there is no one left who may bother us and interrupt our conversation. From now on, my afflictions will be yours, and yours will be mine; my sufferings yours, and yours mine; my consolations yours, and yours mine. We will unite all things together, and you will take interest in my things as if they were your own; and so I will do with yours. Between the two of us there will no longer be ‘this is mine, and this is yours’, but everything will be in common, on both sides.
Do you know how I acted with you? Like a king when he wants to speak with his queen spouse, and she is with other ladies on other affairs. What does the king do? He takes her and brings her inside his room; they close the door, so that no one may go and interrupt their conversation and hear their secrets; and so, once they are alone, they communicate their consolations and their afflictions to each other. Now, if someone, imprudent, went to knock, shouting from behind the door, and did not leave them alone to enjoy their conversation – would the king not take offense? So have I done for you, and in the same way I would be displeased if someone wanted to remove you from that state.”
He continued to tell me: “From you I want perfect conformity to my Will, in such a way that your will may be undone within Mine; and absolute detachment from everything - so much so, that I want all that is earth to be considered by you as dung and rot, which one is horrified by just looking at. And this because, even though one were not attached to earthly things, just by having them around and looking at them they cast shadow on the celestial things and prevent the fulfillment of that mystical marriage which I promised you. Even more, I want that, just as I was poor, you also imitate Me in poverty. You must consider yourself in this bed as a little poor one; the poor are content with anything they have, and they first thank Me, and then their benefactors. The same for you: go along with everything that is given to you without asking for this or that, which might be a hindrance in your mind; but with holy indifference, without thinking of whether it may do good or bad, comply with the will of others.”
This cost me very much at the beginning, especially because of the obediences that the confessor would give me. I don’t know why, he wanted me to take quinine, and I was given the obedience that as many times as I would throw up, so many times was I to take food again. Now, quinine would whet my appetite, and sometimes I would feel quite a bit hungry. I would take food, and immediately after taking it, and at times in the very act of taking it, I would be forced to bring it up because of the continuous retching; and so I would remain with the same hunger as before. The word “poor” which Jesus had spoken to me, would not allow me to dare to ask for anything; and I myself would feel ashamed to ask, thinking to myself: ‘What will the family say: she has just vomited, and now she wants to eat?’ So I would remain content with being able to offer something to my dear Jesus.
However, this did not last for a long time, but only four months. One day the Lord told me: “Repeat to him the request for the obedience not to take quinine and not to take food so many times, for I will give him light.” So the confessor came and I told him. And he said to me: “So as not to show uniqueness, from now on I want you to take food only once a day”; and he suspended the quinine also. In this way, I remained more quiet and hunger went away; but the vomiting did not cease – that one time in which I would take food, I was forced to bring it up. Sometimes the Lord told me to ask for the obedience not to eat, but the confessor has never given me this obedience. He would say to me: “It doesn’t matter if you throw up – it is another mortification.”
But I would say this to Jesus, and He would tell me: “I want you to ask the question, but with holy indifference I want you to go along with whatever the obedience tells you.” And so I continued to do.
When about forty days had passed – which I had taken as such from those words that the Lord had said ("for a certain given time”), and which I had related to the confessor in this way – the sufferings continued to surprise me every day, and he was forced to come every day. The confessor began to give me the obedience no longer to be in that state, and he added that if I fell into sufferings, he would come no more.
On my part, I felt absolutely ready to do the obedience. My nature especially wanted to be freed of that being in bed continuously, because as beautiful as it was, it was always bed… having to be subjected to everyone, even in the most repugnant and necessary things of nature, and being forced to tell them to others, is a true sacrifice. So, nature did its office, and felt all consoled in receiving this obedience; while my soul was ready to do the obedience, and ready to remain in bed if the Lord wanted it so, because I had began to experience how good He had been with me, and that true resignation can change the nature of things, turning bitter into sweet.
When he gave me the obedience no longer to stay in bed, I began to resist, and I said to the Lord: “What can I do? I can no longer stay, for obedience does not want it. If You want, give light to the confessor, and then I will be ready to do what You want.’ And I spent one entire night clashing with the Lord. When He would come, I would say to Him: ‘My dear Jesus, have patience, do not come, for obedience does not permit that You make me share in your sufferings.’ Up until the morning, I won – I felt I was inside myself and free of sufferings when, in one instant, the Lord came and drew me so much to Himself that I could not resist Him. I lost consciousness and I found myself together with Him, but so clasped to Him, that as much opposition as I made, I could not detach myself from Jesus. Being with Jesus, I felt all annihilated, and I felt a certain blushing for the many reproaches I had made during the night. I said to Him: ‘Holy Spouse, forgive me – it is the confessor that wants it so.’ And He told me: “Do not fear, when it is because of obedience I do not get offended.” He continued: “Come, come to Me. Today is the New Year, I want to give you a present.” (That morning was precisely the first day of the year). So, He drew His most pure lips to mine and poured a most sweet milk; He kissed me, He took a ring from within His side and said to me: “Today I want to show you the ring I have prepared for you, for when I espouse you.” Then He told me: “Tell the confessor that it is my Will that you continue to stay in bed, and as a sign that it is I, tell him that there is a war between Italy and Africa, and if he gives you the obedience to continue to suffer, I will not do anything on either side – they will reconcile.”
In the very act of these words being spoken, I felt surrounded by sufferings as if by a garment, and I was unable to free myself by myself. I thought to myself: ‘What will the confessor say?’ But it was no longer in my power. That milk which Jesus had poured into me produced in me such love for Him, that I felt languor; and I felt such satiety and sweetness, that after the confessor came and I came round from that state, and the family brought me food, I felt so full that the food would not go down. But in order to do the obedience, which wanted it so, I took a little bit, and I was immediately forced to bring it up - but mixed with that sweet milk that Jesus had given me. And Jesus, almost jokingly, told me: “What I gave you was not enough? You are not content yet?” I blushed all over, but immediately I said to Him: “What can I do? It’s the obedience.’
When the confessor came, he began to get upset, telling me that I was disobedient; or he would say to me: “This is an illness. If it were something from God, He would have made you obey. Therefore, instead of calling the confessor, you should call the doctors.” When he finished speaking, I told him everything that the Lord had said to me, which I mentioned above, and he told me that it was true that there was a war between Africa and Italy. “We’ll see if nothing happens”. And so he was persuaded to letting me continue to suffer.
One day, after about four months, the confessor came and told me that news had arrived about the war between Africa and Italy, and that without causing any damage to each other, they had reconciled. So the confessor was persuaded, and he let me stay there in peace.
My sweet Jesus would do nothing but dispose me to that mystical marriage which He had promised me. When I was in that state, He would make Himself seen sometimes three times a day, sometimes four, as He pleased; and sometimes it was a continuous coming and going. He seemed to be a sweetheart who cannot be without his spouse. This is how Jesus was with me, and sometimes he reached the point of telling me: “You see, I love you so much that I cannot be without coming. I feel almost restless, thinking that you are there suffering for Me, and you are alone; this is why I have come – to see if you need something.” And while saying this, He Himself would lift my head, He would place His arm around my neck and hug me; and while holding me like that, He would kiss me, and if it was summertime and it was hot, He would send a refreshing breath from His mouth, or He would take something in His hand and fan me. And then He would ask me: “How are you feeling? Don’t you feel better?” I would say to Him: ‘Being with You, in whatever way, one always feels well.’
Other times, then, if He saw me very weak because of my continuously being in those sufferings, especially if the confessor was coming at night, my lover Jesus would come, and in seeing me in that state of extreme weakness - to the point that at times I felt I was dying - He would draw near me and from His mouth He would pour milk into mine, or He would place me close to His side, and from there I would suckle torrents of sweetnesses, of delights and of strength. And He would say to me: “I really want to be your everything, and also your nourishment - for the soul and for the body.” Who can tell what I experienced, both in the soul and in the body, from these graces that Jesus would give me? If I wanted to tell them, I would be too long. I remember that, sometimes, when He would not come quickly, I would lament to Him, telling Him: ‘O please! oh! Holy Spouse, how could You make me wait so long – I could not resist any more, I felt I was dying without You.’ And while saying this, the pain I felt was such that I would cry. And He would compassionate all of me; He would dry my tears, He would kiss me, He would hug me, and say: “I do not want you to cry. See, now I am with you – tell me what you want.” I would say to Him: ‘I want nothing but You, and only then will I stop crying, when You promise me You will not make me wait for so long.’ And He would say to me: “Yes, yes, I will make you content.”
One day, while we were in this contrast, and the pain was so great that I could not stop crying, my good Jesus told me: “I want to content you in everything. I feel so drawn toward you that I cannot do without doing what you want. If up until now I have removed the external life from you and I have manifested Myself to you, now I want to draw your soul to Me, so that, wherever I go, you may come along. In this way, you will be able to enjoy Me more, and bind yourself to Me more intimately than you have done in the past.”
One morning – I don’t remember well, but I think that about three months had passed of my continuously staying in bed – while I was in my usual state, my sweet Jesus came, with a look all lovable, as a young man of the age of about eighteen. Oh! how beautiful He was. With His golden hair, all curly, He seemed to chain my thoughts, my affections, my heart. From His forehead, serene and spacious, one could admire the interior of His mind, as from within a crystal, and one could discover His infinite wisdom, His imperturbable peace. Oh! how I felt my mind, my heart brighten up; even more, before Jesus, my very passions are knocked down and do not dare to give me the slightest bother. I don’t know if I’m wrong, but I believe that one cannot see this Jesus, so beautiful, if one is not in the most profound calm; so much so, that the slightest breath of disturbance prevents one from receiving a sight so beautiful. Ah! yes, at just seeing the serenity of His adorable forehead, the infusion of peace that one receives in the interior is so great, that I believe that there is no disaster or war most fierce, which do not appease themselves before Jesus. Oh! my all and beautiful Jesus, if You communicate so much peace in the few moments You manifest Yourself in this life - in such a way that one can suffer the most painful martyrdoms, the most humiliating pains with the most perfect tranquillity (it seems to me a blend of peace and sorrow) - what will it be like in Paradise? Oh! how beautiful are His most pure eyes, sparkling with light. It is not like the light of the sun, that if one wants to look at it, it harms our sight – no; in Jesus, while being light, one can very well fix his gaze on it, and by just looking at the interior of His pupil, of a dark sky-blue – oh! how many things they would tell me. The beauty of His eyes is such that one alone of His gazes is enough to make me go outside of myself, and run after Him through paths and through mountains, through the earth and through the heavens. One single glance is enough to transform me in Him, and make me feel a certain something divine descend into me.
Who can tell, then, the beauty of His adorable face? His white complexion looks like snow colored with a shade of roses, the most beautiful ones. In His rosy cheeks, one discovers the greatness of His person, with a most majestic look, fully divine, which strikes fear and reverence, and at the same time infuses such confidence that, as for myself, I have never found anyone who would give me the least shadow of confidence that my dear Jesus gives – neither my parents, nor the confessors, nor my sisters. Ah! yes, that Holy Face, while being so majestic, is also so lovable, and that loveliness attracts one so much, that the soul does not have the slightest doubt of being welcomed by Jesus, as ugly and sinful as she may see herself. Beautiful also is His nose, which descends to a very fine point, proportioned to His most sacred face. Gracious is His mouth - small, but extremely beautiful, and His finest lips of a scarlet color; while He speaks, He contains so much graciousness that it is impossible to describe it. Sweet is the voice of my Jesus, it is gentle, it is harmonious; while He speaks, there is such fragrance coming out of His mouth, that it seems that there is nothing like it on earth. It is so penetrating as to penetrate everywhere; one feels it descend from the hearing to the heart, and – oh! how many affections it produces. But who can say everything? Then, it is so pleasant, that I believe that no other pleasures can be found, as many as are the ones which one can find in one single word of Jesus. The voice of my Jesus is immensely powerful, it is operative, and at the very moment He speaks, He already operates that which He says. Ah! yes, beautiful is His mouth, but it displays more its beautiful grace in the act of His speaking, while one can see those teeth so clear and so well arranged, and His breath of love comes out, igniting, darting through, consuming the heart. Beautiful are His hands, soft, white, most delicate, with those fingers so perfectly crafted – and He moves them with such mastery as to be an enchantment.
Oh! how beautiful You are - all beautiful, oh my sweet Jesus! What I have said of your beauty is nothing; rather, it seems to me that I have said a lot of nonsense – but what can I do? Forgive me, it is obedience that wants it so. By myself, I would not have dared to say one word, knowing my insufficiency.
Now, while I was seeing Jesus in the appearance already described, He sent me a breath from His mouth, which invested all of my soul. It seemed that, through that breath, Jesus was drawing me toward Himself, and I began to feel my soul going out of my body. I really felt it go out from all parts – from my head, from my hands, and even from my feet. Since it was the first time this was happening to me, within myself I began to say: ‘Now I die, the Lord has come to take me.’ When I saw myself out of the body, the soul had the same feeling of the body – with this difference: the body contains flesh, nerves and bones, while the soul doesn’t; it is a body of light. So I felt a fear within me, but Jesus continued to send me that breath, and told me: “If being deprived of Me gives you so much pain, now come together with Me, for I want to console you.” And so Jesus began His flight, and I began mine, after Him; and we went around throughout the whole vault of the heavens. Oh! how beautiful it was to stroll together with Jesus – now I would lean my head upon His shoulder, with one arm around His shoulders and the other hand in His hand; now Jesus would lean on me, when we reached certain places which were more inundated with iniquity. Oh! how my good Jesus suffered. I could see more clearly the sufferings of His adorable Heart; I could see Him almost faint, and I would say to Him: ‘Lean on me, and let me share in your pains, for my soul cannot bear seeing You suffer alone.’ And Jesus would say to me: “My beloved, help Me, for I cannot take any more.” And while saying this, He would draw His lips close to mine, and He would pour such bitterness that I would feel mortal pains in feeling that liqueur, so very bitter, enter into me. I would feel as if many knives, pricks, arrows were piercing me through. In sum, an atrocious torment would form in all of my limbs, and as the soul would go back into the body, it would make the body participate in these sufferings. Who can tell the pains? Jesus Himself was the witness of it, because the others could not mitigate my pains, since I would be in that state of loss of consciousness, and they would wait for the presence of the confessor, for then they would also mitigate at the call of obedience. So, Jesus alone could help me when He would see that my nature could not take any more and reached the very extremes - when there was nothing left for me but to breathe my last. Oh! how many times death made fun of me; but the day will come when I will make fun of her.
So, Jesus would come, He would take me in His arms, He would draw me close to His Heart, and – oh! how I would feel life come back to me. Then, He would pour a most sweet liqueur from His lips, and in this way the pains would mitigate. Other times, He would take me around together with Him. If there were sins of blasphemy, against charity and others, He would pour those poisonous bitters; if then there were sins of dishonesty, He would pour something of a stinking rottenness, and when I would return into myself, I could feel that stink so well, and the stench would be such, that it would revolt my stomach and I would feel faint. And sometimes, after taking food, when I would bring it up, I could feel that rot come out of my mouth, mixed with the food.
Sometimes, then, He would bring me into churches, and even there my good Jesus was offended. Oh! how awfully those works reached His Heart – holy works, yes, but done roughly; those prayers empty of interior spirit, that piety, false, apparent, which seemed to give more insult than honor to Jesus. Ah! yes, that holy, pure, upright Heart could not receive those works, done so badly. Oh! how many times He lamented, saying: “Daughter, see how many offenses I receive, even from those people who are said to be devout - even in the holiest places. In receiving the very Sacraments, instead of coming out purified, they come out dirtier.” Ah! yes, how much pain it was for Jesus to see people receiving Communion sacrilegiously, priests celebrating the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass in mortal sin, out of habit, and some – it is a horror to say it – even out of self-interest. Oh! how many times my Jesus made me see these scenes so sorrowful. How many times, while the priest was celebrating the Sacrosanct Mystery, Jesus is forced to go into his hands, because He is called by the priestly authority. One could see those hands dripping with rot, blood, or smeared with mud. Oh! how pitiful then, was the state of Jesus, so holy, so pure, in those hands which were horrifying to the mere sight. It seemed He wanted to escape from between those hands, but He was forced to stay until the species of bread and wine would be consumed.
Sometimes, while remaining there with the priest, He would come hurriedly to me, all lamenting, and before I could say it, He Himself would say to me: “Daughter, let me pour it into you, for I cannot take anymore. Have pity on my state, which is too sorrowful – have patience, let us suffer together.” And while saying this, He would pour from His mouth into mine. But who can tell what He poured? It seemed to be a bitter poison, a fetid rot, mixed with a food so hard, disgusting and nauseating, that sometimes it would not go down. Who can tell, then, the sufferings that this pouring of Jesus produced? If He Himself had not sustained me, I certainly would have died; yet, He would pour in me but the smallest part – what would it be for Jesus, who contained tons upon tons of it? Oh! how awful is sin! Ah! Lord, let everyone know it, so that all may flee from this monster so horrible. But while I would see these scenes so sorrowful, other times, He would also make me see scenes so consoling and beautiful as to be enrapturing; and this was to see good and holy priests celebrating the Sacrosanct Mysteries. Oh God! how high, great, sublime is their ministry. How beautiful it was to see the priest celebrating Mass, and Jesus transformed into him. It seemed that it was not the priest, but Jesus Himself that celebrated the Divine Sacrifice, and sometimes He would make the priest disappear completely, and Jesus alone would celebrate Mass - and I would listen to Him. Oh! how touching it was to see Jesus recite those prayers, do all those ceremonies and movements that the priest does. Who can tell how consoling it was for me to see these Masses together with Jesus? How many graces I received, how much light, how many things I comprehended! But since these are past things, I don’t remember them too clearly, so I keep silent.
But as I am saying this, Jesus has moved in my interior and has called me – He doesn’t want me to do so. Ah! Lord, how much patience it takes with You. Well then, I will content You. Oh! sweet Love, I will say a few little things, but give me your grace to be able to manifest them, because, by myself, I would not dare to utter one word about mysteries so profound and sublime.
Now, while seeing Jesus or the priest celebrating the Divine Sacrifice, Jesus would make me understand that in the Mass there is all the depth of our sacrosanct religion. Ah! yes, the Mass tells us everything and speaks to us about everything. The Mass reminds us of our redemption; It speaks to us, step by step, about the pains that Jesus suffered for us; It also manifests to us His immense love, for He was not content with dying on the Cross, but He wanted to continue His state of victim in the Most Holy Eucharist. The Mass also tells us that our bodies, decayed, reduced to ashes by death, will rise again on the day of the judgment, together with Christ, to immortal and glorious life. Jesus made me comprehend that the most consoling thing for a Christian, and the highest and most sublime mysteries of our holy religion are: Jesus in the Sacrament and the resurrection of our bodies to glory. These are profound mysteries, which we will comprehend only beyond the stars; but Jesus in the Sacrament makes us almost touch them with our own hands, in different ways. First, His Resurrection; second, His state of annihilation under those species, though it is certain that Jesus is there present, alive and real. Then, once those species are consumed, His real presence no longer exists. And as the species are consecrated again, He comes again to assume His sacramental state. So, Jesus in the Sacrament reminds us of the resurrection of our bodies to glory: just as Jesus, when His sacramental state ceases resides in the womb of God, His Father, the same for us – when our lives cease, our souls go and make their dwelling in Heaven, in the womb of God, while are bodies are consumed. So, one can say that they will no longer exist; but then, with a prodigy of the omnipotence of God, our bodies will acquire new life, and uniting with the soul, will go together to enjoy the eternal beatitude. Can there be anything more consoling for a human heart than the fact that not only the soul, but also the body will be beatified in the eternal contentments? It seems to me that on that day it will happen as when the sky is starry and the sun comes out. What happens? With its immense light, the sun absorbs the stars and makes them disappear; yet the stars exist. The sun is God, and all the blessed souls are the stars; with His immense light, God will absorb us all within Himself, in such a way that we will exist in God and will swim in the immense sea of God. Oh! how many things Jesus in the Sacrament tells us; but who can tell them all? I would really be too long. If the Lord allows it, I will reserve saying something else on other occasions.
Now, during these exits that the Lord would make me do, sometimes He would renew the promise of the marriage, which I already mentioned. Who can tell the ardent yearnings that the Lord infused in me for this mystical marriage to take place? Many times I would solicit Him, telling Him: ‘Most sweet Spouse, hurry, no longer delay my intimate union with You. O please! let us bind each other with stronger bonds of love, so that no one may ever again be able to separate us, even for simple instants.’ And Jesus would correct me now about one thing, now about another. I remember that one day He said to me: “Everything that is of the earth, everything – everything you must remove, not only from your heart, but also from your body. You cannot understand how harmful are the slightest earthly shadows, and how much they hinder love.” Immediately I said to Him: ‘If I have something else that must be removed, tell me, for I am ready to do it.’ But as I was saying this, I myself realized that I had a gold ring on my finger, portraying the image of the Crucifix; and immediately I said to Him: ‘Holy Spouse, do you want me to take it off?’ And He told me: “Since I Myself will give you a more precious, more beautiful ring, which will have my living image impressed on it, and every time you will look at it your heart will receive new arrows of love - this one is not necessary.” And I promptly removed it.
The longed for day finally arrived, after not a little suffering. I remember that it was almost one year that I had been continuously in bed - it was the day of the purity of Mary Most Holy. On the night before that day, my lover Jesus made Himself seen all festive. He drew near me, took my heart in His hands, and He looked at it over and over again; He dusted it, and then He gave it back to me. Then He took a garment of immense beauty, whose background seemed to be a surface of gold streaked with various colors, and He clothed me with that garment. Then He took two gems, as if they were earrings, and He bejewelled my ears. Then He adorned my neck and my arms, and surrounded my forehead with a crown of immense value, all enriched with precious stones and gems, all refulgent with light; and it seemed to me that those lights were as many voices which resounded among themselves, speaking in clear notes of the beauty, the power, the fortitude, and of all the other virtues of my spouse Jesus. Who can tell what I comprehended, and in what sea of consolation my soul was swimming? It is impossible to say it.
Now, while He was crowning my forehead, Jesus told me: “Most sweet spouse, I place this crown upon you so that nothing may be missing in order to make you worthy of being my spouse; but then, after our wedding is finished, I will take it with Me to Heaven, to keep it for you at the moment of your death.” Finally, He took a veil and covered me completely with it, from head to foot; and He left me in that way. Ah! it seemed to me that there was a great meaning in that veil, because the demons, in seeing me all covered with that veil, were so frightened and had such fear of me, that they fled, terrified. The very Angels were around me with such veneration, that I myself was confused and all full of blushing.
On the morning of the aforementioned day, Jesus made Himself seen again all affable, sweet and majestic, together with His Most Holy Mother and Saint Catherine. First, the Angels sang a hymn, while Saint Catherine assisted me, Mama took my hand, and Jesus put the ring on my finger. Then, we embraced and He kissed me, and so did Mama also. Then we had a conversation, all of love – Jesus told me of the great love He had for me, and I also told Him of the love I had for Him. The Most Holy Virgin made me comprehend the great grace I had received, and the correspondence with which I was to correspond to the love of Jesus.
My Spouse Jesus gave me new rules in order to live more perfectly, but since it has been a long time, I don’t remember them so well; therefore I will skip them. And so it ended, for that day.
Who can tell the finesses of love that Jesus made to my soul? They were such and so many that it is impossible to describe them, but I will try to say the little I remember.
Sometimes, carrying me with Him, He would take me to Paradise, and there I could listen to the canticles of the blessed, and I could see the Divinity, the different choirs of Angels, the orders of the Saints, all immersed in the Divinity of God – absorbed, identified with It. It seemed to me that there were many lights around the throne, which were more brilliant than the sun; and these lights displayed in clear notes all the virtues and the attributes of God. By reflecting themselves in one of these lights, the blessed would remain enraptured, in such a way that they could not arrive at penetrating the whole immensity of that light, therefore they would move to a second light, without understanding all the depth of the first one. So, the blessed in Heaven cannot comprehend God perfectly, because the immensity, the greatness, the sanctity of God is such, that a created mind cannot comprehend an uncreated Being. Now, it seemed to me that by reflecting themselves in these lights, the blessed would come to participate in the virtues of these lights. Therefore, in Heaven, the soul resembles God - with this difference: that God is that immense sun, while the soul is a little sun. But who can say all that can be understood in that blessed dwelling? It is impossible to do it while the soul is in this prison of the body; while one can feel something in the mind, the lips do not find the terms to express it. It seems to me that it is like a child who begins to babble: he would like to say many upon many things, but in the end he remains without being able to say even one clear word. Therefore I stop here, without going any further. I will just say that sometimes, while finding myself in that blessed Fatherland, I would be strolling together with Jesus in the midst of the choirs of Angels and the Saints; and since I was newly-espoused, all the blessed would unite together to participate in the joys of our marriage. It seemed to me that they would forget their own contentments to occupy themselves with ours; and sometimes Jesus would show me to the saints, saying to them: “See this soul – she is a triumph of my Love; my Love has surpassed everything in her.”
Other times, then, He would make me stay at the place which was going to be mine, and He would say to me: “Here is your place – no one can take it away from you.” And at times I would reach the point of believing that I was no longer going to come back to earth; but in one simple instant I would find myself locked up in the wall of this body.
Who can tell how so very bitter this returning would be for me? It seemed to me that in going from the things of Heaven to the things of this earth, everything was rotten, insipid, bothering. The things which delighted others so much, were bitter for me. The people most dear, most distinguished, such that others would do, who knows what, in order to be with them, were indifferent to me, and also bothering; only by looking at them as images of God, did I seem to be able to bear them. But my soul had lost any satisfaction; nothing would bring to it the slightest contentment, and the pain I felt was such, that I would do nothing but cry and lament to my beloved Jesus. Ah!, my heart lived restless, amid continuous yearnings and desires; I felt it more in Heaven than on earth. I felt in my interior something that consumed me continuously, so bitter and painful it was for me having to continue to live. But the obedience almost put a brake on these pains of mine, commanding me in an absolute way not to desire to die, since, when the confessor would give me the obedience, only then was I to die. So, in order to do the holy obedience, I would do as much as I could so as not to think about it, because in my interior there was a continuous ejaculation of desires of wanting to go. So, for the most part, my heart calmed down, but not completely. I confess the truth, I was very deficient in this – but what could I do? I could not restrain myself - it was a true martyrdom for me. My benign Jesus would say to me: “Calm yourself, what is it that makes you desire Heaven so much?” I would say to Him: ‘It is that I want to be always united with You. My soul can no longer bear being separated from You – not just for one day, but not even for a moment. Therefore I want to come at any cost.’ “Well then”, He would say to me, “If it is because of Me, I want to make you content – I will come and stay with you.” Then I would say to Him: ‘But then You leave me, and I lose sight of You, while in Heaven it is not so – there, I could never lose sight of You.’
Sometimes, Jesus also wanted to play jokes, and this is how: while I would be amid these yearnings, He would come, all hurriedly, and would say to me: “Do you want to come?” And I would say to Him: ‘Where?’ And He: “To Heaven.” And I: ‘You really mean that?’ And He: “But hurry, come, do not delay.” And I: ‘Well then, let’s go – but I fear You want to make fun of me.’ And Jesus: “No, no, I really want to take you with me.” And while He would say this, I would feel my soul go out of the body, and together with Jesus, I would set off for Heaven. Oh! how happy I would be then, thinking of getting to leave the earth – life seemed to be a sleep to me, and suffering seemed very little. As we would reach a high point of Heaven, I would hear the singing of the Blessed. I would solicit Jesus to introduce me quickly into that blessed dwelling, but Jesus would begin to slow down. In my interior I would start to suspect that it wasn’t true – ‘who knows’, I would say, ‘if this is not a joke that He has played on me?’ Every now and then, I would say to Him: ‘My Jesus, dear, hurry up.’ And He would say to me: “Wait a little longer – let us go down on earth again. See, out there there is a sinner who is about to be lost. Let us go - who knows whether he might convert. Let us pray together to the Eternal Father, that He may use mercy on him. Don’t you want him to be saved? Are you not ready to suffer any pain for the salvation of one soul alone?” And I: ‘Yes, anything You want me to suffer, I am ready, as long as You save him.’ So we would go to that sinner; we would try to convince him, we would place the most powerful reasons before his mind to make him surrender - but in vain. Then, all afflicted, Jesus would say to me: “My spouse, return into your body once again, take upon yourself the pains destined to him; in this way, being appeased, the Divine Justice will use mercy on him. You have seen it - words have not shaken him, and not even reasons; there is nothing left but pains, which are the most powerful means in order to satisfy justice and to make the sinner surrender.” So He would bring me once again into my body. Who can tell the sufferings I would receive? Only the Lord knows, who has been the witness of it. After a few days, then, He would make me see that soul, converted and saved. Oh, how happy was Jesus - and I as well.
Who can tell how many times Jesus played these jokes? When we would reach the point of entering, and sometimes even after entering, He would say that He had not let me have the obedience from the confessor, and therefore I should go back to earth. And I would say to Him: ‘As long as I was with the confessor, I was obliged to obey him, but now that I am with You, I am supposed to obey You, because You are the first among all.’ And Jesus would say to me: “No, no; I want you to obey the confessor.” Then, not to make it too long, now with one pretext, now with another, He would make me go back on earth.
Those jokes were very painful for me. It is enough to say that I became impertinent, so much so, that in order to chastise my impertinences, the Lord no longer allowed these jokes so often.
I had spent about three years in this state already described, continuing to remain in bed, when one morning Jesus made me understand that He wanted to renew the marriage – not on earth, as the first time, but in Heaven, in the presence of the whole Celestial Court, and that I should remain prepared for a grace so great. I did as much as I could in order to dispose myself, but since I am so miserable and insufficient in doing any shadow of good, the hand of the Divine Maker was needed in order to dispose me, because, by myself, I would never have managed to purify my soul.
One morning – it was the eve of the nativity of Mary Most Holy – my always benign Jesus Himself came to dispose me. He did nothing but come and go continuously. He would speak to me now about Faith, and then He would leave me, and I would feel a life of faith being infused in my soul. As rough as I felt it before, at the speaking of Jesus, I would feel my soul become very light, in such a way as to penetrate into God; and I would contemplate now His Power, now His Sanctity, now His Goodness, and so on. My soul would remain stupefied, and in a sea of stupefaction, I would say: ‘Powerful God, what power is not undone before You? Immense Sanctity of God, what other sanctity, as sublime as it might be, would dare to appear before You?’ Then I would feel myself descend into myself, and I could see my nothingness, the nonentity of earthly things, how everything is nothing before God. I would see myself as a little worm, all full of dust, climbing up in order to take a few steps; it would take nothing to destroy me but someone who would trample me under foot, and I would be undone. So, seeing myself so ugly, I almost would not dare to go to God, but His Goodness would make itself present before my mind, and I would feel drawn as though by a magnet, to go to Him. And I would say to myself: ‘If He is holy, He is also merciful; if He is powerful, He also contains full and highest Goodness within Himself.’ It seemed to me that Goodness surrounded Him on the outside and inundated Him from within. So I would contemplate the Goodness of God. It seemed to me that it would surpass all the other attributes, but then, looking at the others, I would see them all equal among themselves – immense, immeasurable and incomprehensible to the human nature. While my soul would be in this state, Jesus would come back and speak about Hope.
I remember something confusedly, because after so much time it is impossible to remember clearly; but in order to do the obedience that wants it so, I will say what I can.
So, going back to Faith, Jesus would say: “In order to obtain, one must believe. Just as for the head without the sight of the eyes, everything is darkness, everything is confusion, so much so, that if one wanted to walk, he would stumble now at one point, now at another, and would end up falling completely, the same for the soul without Faith – she does nothing but go from precipice to precipice. But Faith serves as the sight of the soul, and as the light which guides her to eternal life. Now, what is this light of Faith nourished by? By Hope. Now, what is the substance of this light of Faith, and of this nourishment of Hope? It is Charity. All of these three virtues are grafted to one another, in such a way that one cannot be without the other.
In fact, what good comes to man from believing in the immense riches of Faith, if he does not hope for them, for himself? He will look at them, yes, but with indifferent eye, because he knows that they do not belong to him. But Hope provides the light of Faith with wings, and by hoping in the merits of Jesus Christ, he looks at them as his own, and he comes to love them.”
“Hope”, Jesus said, “provides the soul with a garment of fortitude, almost of iron, in such a way that, with all their arrows, the enemies cannot wound her; not only this, but they cannot cause even the slightest disturbance. Everything is tranquillity in her, everything is peace. Oh! it is beautiful to see this soul invested with beautiful Hope, all cleaving to her beloved, all distrustful of herself, and all trustful in God. She challenges the fiercest enemies, she is queen of her passions; she regulates all of her interior, her inclinations, desires, heartbeats, thoughts, with such mastery that Jesus Himself remains enamored, because He sees that this soul operates with such courage and strength. But she draws it from Him, and places all her hope in Him, so much so, that in seeing this firm hope, Jesus cannot deny anything to this soul.
Now, while Jesus would speak about Hope, He would withdraw for a little, leaving a light in my intellect. Who can tell what I comprehended about Hope? If all the other virtues serve to embellish the soul, but can make us stagger and render us inconstant - Hope, instead, renders the soul firm and stable, like those high mountains which cannot be moved a tiny bit. It seems to me that it happens to the soul invested with Hope as to certain very high mountains: all the intemperances of the air cannot do any harm to these mountains; neither snow, nor winds, nor heat can penetrate into them; whatever thing might be placed at their top, one can be sure of finding there where it was put, even if a hundred years should pass. Just so is the soul clothed with Hope: nothing can do harm to her, neither tribulation, nor poverty; nor do all the various accidents of life dismay her for one instant. She says to herself: “I can do everything, I can bear everything, suffer everything - hoping in Jesus, who forms the object of all my hopes.”
Hope renders the soul almost omnipotent, invincible, and it administers to her the final perseverance, so much so, that only then does she cease to hope and to persevere, when she has taken possession of the Kingdom of Heaven. Then, she lays down Hope and plunges all of herself into the immense ocean of Divine Love.
While my soul would dissolve in the immense sea of Hope, my beloved Jesus would come back and speak to me about Charity, telling me: “Faith and Hope give way to Charity, and Charity connects all the rest of the other two together, in such a way as to make them one, while they are three. And here It is, oh my spouse, veiled in the three theological virtues, the Trinity of the Divine Persons.”
Then He continued: “If Faith makes one believe, and Hope makes one hope, Charity makes one love. If Faith is light and serves as the sight of the soul, and Hope, which is the nourishment of Faith, provides the souls with courage, peace, perseverance and all the rest - Charity, which is the substance of this light and of this nourishment, is like that most sweet and fragrant ointment which, penetrating everywhere, relieves and soothes the pains of life. Charity makes suffering sweet, and makes one reach the point even of desiring it. The soul who possesses Charity diffuses fragrance everywhere; her works, all done out of love, give off a most pleasing odor. And what is this odor? It is the odor of God Himself. The other virtues render the soul solitary and almost unrefined with creatures; Charity, on the other hand, being substance that unites, unites the hearts. But where? In God. Being a most fragrant ointment, Charity spreads everywhere and with everyone. Charity makes one suffer the most ruthless torments with joy, and one reaches the point of not being able to be without suffering. And when she sees herself deprived of it, she says to her spouse Jesus: “Sustain me with the fruits, which is suffering, because I am languishing with love; and where else can I show You my love other than in suffering for You?” Charity burns, consumes all other things, even the virtues themselves, and turns them all into itself. In sum, it is like a queen who wants to reign everywhere, and does not want to surrender to anyone.”
Who can tell what remained after this speaking of Jesus? I will just say that such yearning for suffering ignited within me – and not just yearning, but I feel as though an infusion in me, like something natural, such that I believe that the greatest disgrace is not to suffer.
After this, on that morning, in order to dispose my heart more, Jesus spoke about the annihilation of myself. He also spoke of the immense desire which I was to excite within me in order to dispose myself to receive that grace. He told me that desire makes up for the lacks and imperfections that may be in the soul; it is like a mantle that covers everything. But this was not a simple speaking – it was an infusion in me of that which He was saying.
While my soul was exciting itself with ardent yearnings for receiving the grace that Jesus Himself wanted to give me, Jesus came back and transported me outside of myself, up to Paradise. And there, in the presence of the Most Holy Trinity and of all the Celestial Court, He renewed the marriage. Jesus put out the ring adorned with three precious stones, white, red and green, and He gave it to the Father, who blessed it and gave it back to the Son again. The Holy Spirit took my right hand and Jesus placed the ring on my ring finger. Then I was admitted to the kiss of all the Three Divine Persons, and each of Them blessed me.
Who can tell my confusion when I found myself before the Most Holy Trinity? I will just say that as soon as I found myself in Their presence, I fell flat to the ground, and I would have remained there if it wasn’t for Jesus, who encouraged me to go into Their presence, so much was the light, the sanctity of God. I am only saying this; the other things I will leave out, because I remember them confusedly.
After this, I remember that a few days passed and I received Communion. I lost consciousness, and I saw, present before me, the Most Holy Trinity whom I had seen in Heaven. I immediately prostrated myself at Their presence, I adored Them, I confessed my nothingness. I remember that I felt so plunged within myself that I did not dare to utter a single word, when a voice came from Their midst and said: “Do not fear, pluck up courage, We have come to confirm you as Our own, and to take possession of your heart.” While this voice was saying this, I saw that the Most Holy Trinity descended into my heart and took possession of it – and there They formed Their dwelling. Who can tell the change that occurred in me? I felt divinized; it was no longer I who lived, but They were living in me. It seemed to me that my body was like a residence, and that the living God was residing in it, because I could feel, sensibly, Their real presence in my interior. I could hear Their voice clearly, coming from within my interior and resounding at the ears of my body. It happened precisely as when there are people speaking inside a room, and their voices can be heard, clearly and distinctly, also outside.
From that moment on, I no longer had the need to go in search of Him somewhere else in order to find Him, but I could find Him there - inside my heart. And when sometimes He would hide and I would go in search of Jesus, wandering around heaven and earth, searching for my highest and only Good, while I would be in the heat of my tears, in the intensity of my yearnings, amid unutterable pains for having lost Him, Jesus would come out from within my interior and say to me: “I am here with you, do not look for me elsewhere.” Between the surprise and the contentment at having found Him, I would say to Him: ‘My Jesus, how is it, for the entire morning You made me go around and around in order to find You, and You are here? You could at least tell me, so I would not have become so worked up. My sweet good, my dear life, take a look at how tired I am, I feel I have no more strengths, I feel faint – O please! sustain me in your arms for I feel I am dying.’ And so Jesus would take me in His arms and would make me rest; and while resting, I would feel my strengths being restored.
Other times, in this hiding of Jesus and my going around in search for Him, when He would make Himself felt inside of me and then come out from within me, I would find not Jesus alone, but all Three Divine Persons - now in the form of three children, gracious and immensely beautiful, now with one single body and three distinct heads, but resembling each other, all three of them attractive.
Who can tell my contentment? Especially when I would see the three children, whom I would hold, all three of them, in my arms. I would kiss now one, now another, and receive their kisses; now one would lean on my shoulder, another on the other shoulder, and another would remain in front of me. And while delighting in them, I would go about looking at them and, to my amazement, from three I would find one.
Another amazement for me when I would be with these three children, was that each one would weigh as much as the three of them together. I would feel as much love for one of these children, as for all three of them together; each one of them attracted me in the same way.
In order to speak about these marriages, I had to skip over a few things, for I was following the thread; and now I will tell them.
Going back to the beginning, when Jesus would deign to come, He would speak to me very often about His Passion, and would take care in disposing my soul to the imitation of His Life and of His pains, telling that, in addition to the marriage which is mentioned above, we had one more left to do – and this was the marriage of the cross.
I remember that He would say: “My Spouse, virtues become weak if they are not strengthened and fortified by the grafting of the cross. Before my coming upon earth, pains, confusions, disgraces, calumnies, sufferings, poverty, illnesses, and especially the cross, were considered dishonors; but from the moment they were borne by Me, they were all sanctified and divinized by my contact. They all changed their appearance, becoming sweet, pleasant, and the soul who has the good of having some of them, receives honor - and this, because she has received the vestment of Me, Son of God. Only those who look and stop at the cortex of the cross experience the contrary; finding it bitter, they are disgusted by it, they complain, as if someone had done wrong to them. But those who penetrate into it, finding it enjoyable, form their happiness in it. My beloved daughter, I yearn for nothing else but to crucify you, body and soul.”
And while He would say this, I would feel such infusion of yearnings for being crucified with Jesus Christ, that I would often repeat: ‘My Jesus, my Love, hurry – crucify me with You.’ And when He would come back, the first things I would ask of Him, which seemed to be the most important to me, were these: sorrow for my sins, and the grace to be crucified with Him. It seemed to me that if I obtained this, I would obtain everything.
Then, one morning, my most beloved Jesus made Himself present before me in the form of a Crucifix, and told me that He wanted to crucify me with Him. As He was saying this, I saw that rays of light were coming out from His most holy wounds, and within those rays, nails, which were coming toward me. At that moment, I don’t know why, though I desired so much to be crucified by Him as to feel consumed, I was caught by a great fear that made me tremble from head to foot. I felt such annihilation of myself, I saw myself so unworthy to receive that grace, that I did not dare to say: ‘Lord, crucify me with You.’ Jesus seemed to be suspended, waiting for my will. Who can tell how ardently I desired Him within the intimate part of my soul, though, at the same time, I saw myself unworthy? My nature was frightened, and trembled.
But while I was in this state, my beloved Jesus, through the intellect, solicited me to accept. Then, with all my heart I said to Him: ‘Holy Spouse, crucified for me, I pray You to concede me the grace to be crucified and, at the same time, not to allow any external sign to appear on the outside. Yes, give me suffering, give me wounds, but let everything be hidden between me and You.’
And so those rays of light, together with the nails, pierced my hands and feet through, and my heart was pierced by a ray of light together with a lance. Who can tell the pain and the contentment? As much as my soul had been caught by fear before, so much did my soul swim in the sea of peace, of contentment and of pain afterwards. The pain I felt in my hands, in my feet and in my heart was so great, that I felt I was dying; I felt the bones of my hands and feet being shattered into most tiny pieces. I felt as if there were nails inside, but at the same time, they caused me such contentment that I cannot express it, and gave me such strength, that while I would feel I was dying because of the pain, those very pains would sustain me so that I would not die. However, nothing appeared on the external parts of the body, though I felt corporal pains. This is so true, that when the confessor would come to call me to the obedience and would loosen my hands, which were contracted, every time he would touch me at that point of my hands which had been pierced through by that ray of light together with the nail, I would feel mortal pains. However, when the confessor would command, by obedience, that those pains cease, they would mitigate very much. In fact, those pains were so strong that they made me lose consciousness, and if they had not mitigated at the call of obedience, I would hardly have been able to obey. Oh! prodigy of holy obedience – you have been everything for me. How many times I found myself clashing with death, so great was the intensity of the pains - and obedience has almost restored my life. May the Lord be always blessed; may everything be for His glory.
Now, while being inside myself, I could not see anything; but when I would lose consciousness, I could see the points marked by the wounds of Jesus. It seemed to me that the very wounds of Jesus had been transmuted in my hands, and in the rest; and this was the first time that Jesus crucified me. Indeed, there have been so many of these crucifixions that it is impossible to count them all. I will just say the main things about this.
Now, as Jesus would come back, I would say to Him: ‘Dear, my beloved, give me sorrow for my sins, so that, consumed by sorrow and by regret for having offended You, my sins may be erased from my soul, and also from your memory. Yes, give me as much sorrow, for as much as I have dared to offend You. Even more, let sorrow surpass this, so that I may draw more intimately close to You.’
I remember that once, while I was saying this, my always benign Jesus told me: “Since you are so sorry for having offended Me, I Myself want to dispose you to feel sorrow for your sins, so that you may see how awful sin is, and what bitter pain my Heart suffered. Therefore, say together with Me: ‘If I cross the sea, You are in the sea, though I do not see You; I tread the earth, and You are under my feet. I sinned’.” And then, in a low voice, almost crying, Jesus added: “Yet I loved you, and at that very moment, I preserved you.” While Jesus was saying this, and I together with Him, I was caught by such sorrow for the offenses given, that I fell flat to the ground; and Jesus disappeared.
Few are those words, but I understood so many things, that it is impossible to say all that I comprehended. In the first words I comprehended the immensity, the greatness, the presence of God in each existing thing, such that not even a shadow of our thought can escape Him. I also understood my nothingness compared to a Majesty so great and holy. In the word “I sinned”, I understood the ugliness of sin, the malice, the daring I had had in offending Him. Now, while my soul was considering this, in hearing Jesus Christ say “Yet I loved you, and at that very moment, I preserved you”, my heart was taken by such sorrow, that I felt I was dying, because I could understand the immense love that the Lord had for me in the very act in which I tried to offend Him, and even to kill Him. Ah Lord, how good You have been with me, and I – always ungrateful, and still so bad!
I remember that it was an alternation; every time He would deign to come, I would ask Him now for sorrow of my sins, and now for the crucifixion - and also for other things. As for example, one morning, while I was in my usual sufferings, my dear Jesus transported me outside of myself and showed me a man who had been killed by shots from a revolver, and who was then breathing his last and going to hell. Oh! how much pain it was for Jesus the loss of this soul. If the whole world knew how much Jesus suffers for the loss of souls, they would use all possible means so as not to become lost eternally – I am not saying for themselves, but at least to spare our Lord that pain. Now, while I was in the midst of the bullets together with Jesus, Jesus drew His lips close to my ears, and told me: “My daughter, do you want to offer yourself as victim for the salvation of this soul, and take upon yourself the pains which he deserves because of his very grave sins?” And I answered: ‘Lord, I am ready, as long as You save him and restore his life.’ Who can tell the sufferings that came to me? They were such and so many, that I myself I don’t know how life did not leave me.
Now, while I was in that state of sufferings, my confessor had come more than one hour earlier to call me to obedience; and because I was in great suffering, I could hardly obey. So he asked me the reason for such a state, and I told him the fact, as I have described it above, telling him the place in town where it seemed to me that it had happened. The confessor told me that it was true, but that they thought he was dead. However, then it became known that he was very ill, but little by little he recovered, and he is still alive. May the Lord be always blessed.
I remember that, as I continued to ask for the crucifixion and Jesus would transport me outside of myself, He would take me to the holy sites of Jerusalem where our Lord suffered His sorrowful Passion, and there we encountered many crosses. My beloved Jesus would say to me: “If you knew what good the cross contains within itself, how precious it renders the soul, and what a gem of inestimable value one acquires, who has the good of possessing sufferings… It is enough to tell you only that, in coming upon earth, I did not choose riches or pleasures, but I cherished as dear and intimate sisters, the cross, poverty, sufferings and ignominies” While saying this, He would show such taste, such joy for suffering, that those words pierced my heart through like many burning arrows, to the point that I would feel my life leaving me if the Lord would not concede me suffering. And with as much voice and strength as I had, I would do nothing but say: ‘Holy Spouse, give me suffering, give me crosses. From this alone will I know whether You love me – if You content me with crosses and with sufferings.’ And so I would take one of the largest crosses I saw, I would lay myself upon it, and I would pray Jesus to come and crucify me. And He would be so good as to take my hand and begin to pierce it with the nail. From time to time, blessed Jesus would ask me: “Does it hurt very much? Do you want me to stop?” And I: ‘No, no, my beloved, continue. It hurts, yes, but I am happy.’ And I had such fear that He might not complete the crucifixion, that I would do nothing but tell Him: ‘Hurry, oh Jesus! Hurry, don’t make it so long.’ However, when the time would come to nail the other hand, the arms of the cross would be too short, while before they seemed to be long enough to make it. Who can tell how mortified I would remain?
This happened many times, and sometimes if the arms were fine, the length of the cross was not enough to be able to extend my feet. In a word, something had to be missing so that the crucifixion would not be accomplished. Who can tell the bitterness of my soul and the laments I made to our Lord, who was not conceding me true suffering? I would say to Him: ‘My Beloved, everything ends in a joke. You used to tell me that You were going to take me to Heaven, and then You would make me come back to earth. Now You tell me that You must crucify me, and we never get to the complete crucifixion.’ And Jesus, again, would promise me He would crucify me.

September 14, 1899

One morning – it was the day of the Exaltation of the Cross – my sweet Jesus transported me to the holy sites; and first, He told me many things about the virtue of the cross. I don’t remember all, but just a few things: “My beloved, do you want to be beautiful? The cross will give you the most beautiful features that can possibly be found, both in Heaven and on earth; so much so, as to enamor God, who contains all beauties within Himself.”
Jesus continued: “Do you want to be filled with immense riches - not for a short time, but for all eternity? Well then, the cross will administer to you all kinds of riches - from the tiniest cents, which are the little crosses, up to the greatest amounts, which are the heavier crosses. Yet, men are so greedy to earn a temporal penny, which they soon will have to leave, but do not give a thought to earning one eternal cent. And when I, having compassion for them, in seeing their carelessness for all that regards eternity, kindly offer them the opportunity - instead of cherishing it, they get angry and offend Me. What human madness – it seems that they understand it upside down. My beloved, in the cross are all the triumphs, all the victories, and the greatest gains. You must have no aim other than the cross, and it will be enough for you, in everything. Today I want to make you content; that cross which until now has not been enough to lay you on and crucify you completely, is the cross that you have carried up to now. But since I have to crucify you completely, you need new crosses which I will let descend upon you. So, the cross you have had until now, I will bring to Heaven, to show it to the whole celestial court as pledge of your love, and I will make another one descend from Heaven – a larger one, to be able to satisfy the ardent desires I have upon you.”
While Jesus was saying this, that cross which I had seen the other times made itself present before me. I took it and I laid myself on it. As I was in this way, the Heavens opened and Saint John the Evangelist came down, carrying the cross that Jesus had indicated to me. The Queen Mother and many Angels, when they arrived near me, lifted me from that cross and placed me over the one which they had brought me, which was much larger. Then, an Angel took the cross I had before and took it to Heaven with him. After this, with His own hand, Jesus began to nail me to that cross; Queen Mama assisted me, while the Angels and Saint John were handing the nails. My sweet Jesus showed such contentment, such joy in crucifying me, that just to be able to give that contentment to Jesus, I would have suffered not only the cross, but yet more pains. Ah! it seemed to me that Heaven was making new feast for me, in seeing the contentment of Jesus. Many souls were freed from Purgatory and took flight toward Heaven, and quite a few sinners were converted, because my Divine Spouse let everyone participate in the good of my sufferings. Who can tell, then, the intense pains I felt while being stretched so well over the cross, and pierced through by the nails in my hands and feet? But especially the feet – the atrocity of the pains was such that they cannot be described. When they finished crucifying me and I felt I was swimming in the sea of pains and sufferings, Queen Mama said to Jesus: “My Son, today is a day of grace - I want You to let her share in all of your pains. There is nothing left but to pierce her heart through with the lance, and to renew for her the crown of thorns.” So, Jesus Himself took the lance and pierced my heart through; the Angels took a crown of thorns, well thickened, and handed it to the Most Holy Virgin – and She Herself drove it into my head.
What a memorable day that was for me – of sufferings, yes, but of contentments; of unspeakable pains, but also of joy. It is enough to say that the intensity of the pains was such, that for that entire day Jesus did not move from my side, but remained close to me in order to sustain my nature, which was failing at the liveliness of the pains. Those souls from Purgatory who had flown up to Heaven, descended together with the Angels and surrounded my bed, cheering me with their canticles, and thanking me affectionately because through my sufferings I had freed them from those pains.
It happened, then, that after five or six days of those intense pains, to my great regret, they began to diminish, and so I would solicit my beloved Jesus to renew the crucifixion. And He, sometimes quickly, and sometimes with some delay, would be pleased to transport me to the holy sites and to let me share in the pains of His Sorrowful Passion… now the crown of thorns, now the scourging, now the carrying of the cross to Calvary, now the crucifixion – sometimes one mystery per day, and sometimes everything in one day, as He pleased. This would be of highest pain and contentment for my soul. But it would become very bitter for me when the scene would change, and instead of I being the one who suffered, I would be the spectator, watching most loving Jesus suffer the pains of His Sorrowful Passion. Ah! how many times I found myself in the midst of the Jews together with Queen Mama, seeing my beloved Jesus suffer. Ah! yes, it is indeed true that it is easier for one to suffer himself, than to see the beloved suffer.
Other times, I remember that, in renewing these crucifixions, my sweet Jesus would say to me: “My beloved, the cross allows one to distinguish the reprobates from the predestined. Just as on the Day of Judgment, the good will rejoice upon seeing the cross, so even now it can be seen whether one will be saved or lost. If, as the cross presents itself to the soul, she embraces it, carries it with resignation and patience, kissing and thanking that hand which is sending it – here is the sign that she is saved. If, on the contrary, as the cross is presented to her, she gets irritated, despises it, and even reaches the point of offending Me – you can say that that’s a sign that the soul is heading on the way to hell. So will the reprobates do on the Day of Judgment: upon seeing the cross, they will grieve and curse. The cross tells everything; the cross is a book that, without deception and in clear notes, tells you and allows you to distinguish the saint from the sinner, the perfect from the imperfect, the fervent from the lukewarm. The cross communicates such light to the soul that, even now, it allows one to distinguish not only the good from the evil, but also those who are to be more or less glorious in Heaven – those who are to occupy a higher or a lower place. All other virtues remain humble and reverent before the virtue of the cross, and grafting themselves to it, they receive greater glory and splendor.”
Who can tell what flames of ardent desires this speaking of Jesus would cast into my heart? I felt devoured by hunger for suffering, and in order to satisfy my yearnings - or rather, to say it better, in order to satisfy that which He Himself infused in me - He would renew the crucifixion.
I remember that sometimes, after renewing these crucifixions, He would say to me: “Beloved of my Heart, I ardently desire not only to crucify your soul and to communicate the pains of the cross to your body, but also to mark your body with the mark of my wounds; and I want to teach you the prayer in order to obtain this grace. This is the prayer: ‘I present myself before the supreme throne of God, bathed in the Blood of Jesus Christ, praying Him, by the merit of His most luminous virtues and of His Divinity, to concede to me the grace of being crucified’.”
However, I have always had an aversion for anything that might appear externally – and I still do – but in the act in which Jesus was saying that, I would feel such yearnings being infused in me to satisfy the desire that He Himself was expressing, that I would yet dare to ask Jesus to crucify me in the soul and in the body. And sometimes I would say to Him: “Holy Spouse, I would rather not have external things; and if sometimes I dare to ask for that, it is because You Yourself tell me to, and also to give a sign to the confessor that it is You who operates in me. But for the rest, I would like nothing but those pains which You make me suffer when You renew the crucifixion. If only they were permanent - I would rather not have that diminution after some time. This alone is enough for me. As for the outward appearance, the more You can keep me hidden, the more You will make me content.’
I remember confusedly that, when I would be with Our Lord, I would often ask for sorrow for my sins and for the grace to be forgiven of all the evil I had done; and at times I reached the point of saying that only then would I be content, when I would hear Him say, from His own lips: “I forgive all your sins.” And blessed Jesus, who can deny nothing when it is for our good, one morning made Himself seen and told me: “This time I Myself want to do the office of Confessor. You will confess all your sins to Me, and in the act in which you do this, I will make you comprehend, one by one, the sorrows you have given to my Heart in offending Me, so that, by comprehending what sin is, as much as it is possible for a creature, you may be resolved to die rather than to offend Me. You, in the meantime, enter into your nothingness, and recite the Confiteor.”
On entering myself, I could see all of my misery and my wicked deeds, and I trembled like a leaf before His presence. I lacked the strength to pronounce the words of the Confiteor, and if the Lord had not infused new strength in me, by telling me: “Do no fear. If I am a Judge, I am also your Father. Courage, let us proceed”, I would have remained there, without uttering one word.
So I said the Confiteor, all full of confusion and humiliation, and since I saw myself all covered with my sins, at one glance, I saw that the greatest one, which had given affront to Our Lord, was pride. So I said: ‘Lord, before your presence, I accuse myself of the sin of pride.’ And He: “Draw near my Heart, and place your ear upon It – you will hear the cruel torment that you have caused my Heart with this sin.” All trembling, I placed my ear upon His adorable Heart – but who can tell what I heard and comprehended in that instant? Especially now, after so much time - I will say something confusedly. I remember that His Heart was beating so strongly, that it seemed that His breast was going to crack. Then it seemed to me that It was torn to shreds, and was almost destroyed by the pain. Ah! if I could have, I would have reached the point of destroying the Divine Being with pride.
I will give you a simile in order to make myself understood, otherwise I have no words to express myself. Imagine a king, and at the feet of this king, a worm, which, rising and swelling up, begins to believe it is something, and reaches such audacity as to rise little by little, reaching the head of this king, wanting to remove the crown from him and put it on its own head. Then, it strips him of his royal vestments; then, it throws him off his throne, and finally, it tries to kill him. But what’s more about this worm, is that it itself does not know its own being; it very much deceives itself, while, to get rid if it, it would take the king nothing but to put it under his feet and crush it – and so it would end its days. In reality, if this could be, it would make arise indignation and pity, as well as ridicule, toward the pride of this worm. So did I see myself before God, and this filled me with such confusion and sorrow, that I felt the torment that blessed Jesus suffered being renewed in my heart.
After this, He left me, and I felt such pain, comprehending how ugly the sin of pride is, that it is impossible to describe it. After I chewed all this thoroughly within myself, my good Jesus came back and told me to continue the confession of my sins. And I, all trembling, continued to make the accusation of my thoughts, words, works, causes and omissions; and when He would see that I was unable to continue the confession because of the pain I felt at having offended Him so much… in fact, I had such a vivid clarity, being in front of that Divine Sun; especially, I could see my littleness, the nonentity of my being, and I was stunned at how daring I had been, wondering from where had I taken that courage to offend a God so good, who, in the very act in which I was offending Him, assisted me, preserved me, nourished me. And if He had any rancor with me, it was for the sin I committed, which He greatly hated, while He loved me immensely, He excused me before divine justice, and was all occupied with removing that wall of division between the soul and God, which sin had produced. Oh! if all could see who God is, and who the soul is in the act of sinning, they would all die of sorrow, and I believe that sin would be exiled from the earth …So, when blessed Jesus would see that I could not take any more because of the pain, He would withdraw and leave me, to allow me to comprehend well the evil I had done. And then He would come back again, and I would continue the accusation of my sins.
But who can tell all that I understood, and explain, one by one, the different affronts and the special sorrows which I had caused Our Lord with my sins? I feel it is almost impossible for me to explain myself - also because I don’t remember it too well.
Then, when I finished the accusation, which lasted about seven hours, lovable Jesus took the aspect of a most loving father. And since I was exhausted in my strengths because of the sorrow - more so since I saw that that sorrow was not enough to be sorry as it befitted my sins - to encourage me, He told me: “I Myself want to make up for you, and I apply to your soul the merit of the pain I had in the Garden of Gethsemani. This alone can satisfy the divine justice.” After He applied His pain to my soul, then I seemed to be disposed to receive the absolution.
All humbled and confused as I was, prostrated at the feet of the good Father Jesus, through the rays He was sending into my mind, I tried to excite myself more to sorrow by saying - though I don’t remember everything: ‘Great, immense, has been the evil I have done against You. These powers of mine and these senses of my body were meant to be as many tongues with which to praise You. Ah! instead, they have been like many poisonous vipers which were biting You and were even trying to kill You. But, holy Father, forgive me – do not want to cast me away because of the great wrong I have done to You by sinning.’
And Jesus: “And you - do you promise to sin no more, and to banish from your heart any shadow of evil that might offend your Creator?”
And I: ‘Ah! yes, with all my heart I promise You. I would die a thousand times rather than sin again. Never again, never again.’
And Jesus: “And I forgive you, and I apply to your soul the merits of my Passion, and I want to wash it in my Blood.”
And as He was saying this, He raised His blessed right hand and pronounced the words of the absolution – exactly like the words that the priest says, when he gives absolution. And in the act of doing this, a river of blood poured down from His hand, and my soul was completely inundated by it.
After this, He said to me: “Come, oh daughter, come to make penance for your sins by kissing my wounds.”
All trembling, I stood up and I kissed His most sacred wounds; and then He said to me: “My daughter, be more vigilant and attentive, because today I give you the grace not to fall, ever again, into voluntary venial sin.”
Then He gave me other exhortations, which I don’t remember too well; and He disappeared.
Who can tell the effects of this confession made to Our Lord? I felt all soaked with grace, and it made such an impression on me, that I cannot forget it. And every time I remember it, I feel a shiver run through my bones, and also taken by horror in thinking of what my correspondence is to so many graces received from Our Lord.
The Lord deigned other times to give me the absolution, Himself. Sometimes He would take the form of the priest, and I would confess as if He were the priest, although I would feel different effects, and then, once it was finished, He would reveal Himself as Jesus; or He would come unveiled, making Himself recognized as Jesus from the beginning. Sometimes He would also take the form of the confessor, so much so, that I believed I was speaking with him, telling him all my fears, my doubts, but from the answer I would receive, from the gentleness of that voice, alternating between that of the confessor and that of Jesus, from His lovable gesture and from the interior effects, I would discover that it was Him. Ah! if I wanted to say everything about these things, I would be too long, so I finish, and I stop here…
I remember that there was another war between Africa and Italy, and one day, about nine months earlier, blessed Jesus transported me outside of myself and showed me a very long road, filled with human flesh immersed in blood, which inundated that road like rivers. It was horrifying to see those cadavers exposed to the open air, without anyone to bury them.
All frightened, I said to Our Lord: ‘What is this?’
And He: “Next year there will be a war. They use the flesh to offend Me, and I want to make my just vengeances over their own flesh.” He said other things but the long time passed does not allow me to remember.
Now, it happened that after that period of time, news began to spread about a war between Africa and Italy. I prayed good Jesus to spare many victims, and to have pity on many souls who were going to hell.
One morning, according to the usual way, He transported me outside of myself, and I saw that almost all the people were convinced that Italy was going to win. I seemed to find myself in Rome, and I could see the deputies in council among themselves on how they should carry on the war to be sure that Italy would win. They were so swollen with themselves as to arouse pity. But what impressed me the most was to see that almost all these people were sectarians – souls sold to the devil. What sad times! It really seemed that the satanic reign was reigning, and instead of placing their trust in God, they were placing it in the devil. Now, while they were in council, my blessed Jesus told me: “Let us go to hear what they say.” It seemed I was entering their circle together with Him. Jesus was strolling through their midst, shedding tears over their miserable state. When they finished their council about the way to proceed, boasting of being sure about the victory, Jesus turned to them and, threatening them, said: “You rely on yourselves, and therefore I will humiliate you. This time Italy will lose…”

Now, in order to obey, I will continue what I left on page 6 of this 1st volume – that is, the Novena of Holy Christmas.
As I moved on from the second to the third meditation, an interior voice told me: “My daughter, place your head upon the womb of my Mama, and look deep into it at my little Humanity. My love devoured Me; the fires, the oceans, the immense seas of love of my Divinity inundated Me, burned Me to ashes, and sent their flames so high as to rise and reach everywhere - all generations, from the first to the last man. My little Humanity was devoured in the midst of such flames; but do you know what my eternal love wants Me to devour? Ah! Souls! And only then was I content, when I devoured them all, to remain conceived with Me. I was God, and I was to operate as God - I had to take them all. My love would have given Me no peace, had I excluded any of them. Ah! my daughter, look well into the womb of my Mama; fix well your eyes on my conceived Humanity, and you will find your soul conceived with Me, and the flames of my love that devoured you. Oh! how much I loved you, and I do love you!”
I felt dissolved in the midst of so much love, nor was I able to go out of it; but a voice called me loudly, saying: “My daughter, this is nothing yet; cling more tightly to Me, and give your hands to my dear Mama, that She may hold you to her maternal womb. And you, take another look at my little conceived Humanity, and watch the fourth excess of my love.”
4 - “My daughter, from the devouring love, move on to look at my operative love. Each conceived soul brought Me the burden of her sins, of her weaknesses and passions, and my love commanded Me to take the burden of each one of them. And it conceived not only the souls, but the pains of each one, as well as the satisfaction which each one of them was to give to my Celestial Father. So my Passion was conceived together with Me. Look well at Me in the womb of my Celestial Mama. Oh! how tortured was my little Humanity. Look well at my little head, surrounded by a crown of thorns, which, pressed tightly around my temples, made rivers of tears pour out from my eyes; nor was I able to make a move to dry them. O please! be moved to compassion for Me, dry my eyes from so much crying - you, who have free arms to be able to do it. These thorns are the crown of the so many evil thoughts which crowd the human minds. Oh! how they prick Me, more than thorns which sprout from the earth. But, look again – what a long crucifixion of nine months: I could not move a finger or a hand or a foot. I was always immobile; there was no room to be able to move even a tiny bit. What a long and hard crucifixion, with the addition that all evil works, assuming the form of nails, continuously pierced my hands and feet.” So He continued to narrate to me pains upon pains – all the martyrdoms of His little Humanity, such that, if I wanted to tell them all, I would be too long.
I abandoned myself to crying, and I heard in my interior: “My daughter, I would like to hug you, but I am unable to do so - there is no room, I am immobile, I cannot do it. I would like to come to you, but I am unable to walk. For now, you hug Me and you come to Me; then, when I come out of the maternal womb, I will come to you.” But as I hugged Him and squeezed Him tightly to my heart with my imagination, an interior voice told me: “Enough for now, my daughter; move on to consider the fifth excess of my love.”
5 - And the interior voice continued: “My daughter, do not move away from Me, do not leave Me alone; my love wants your company. This is another excess of my love, which does not want to be alone. But do you know whose company it wants? That of the creature. See, in the womb of my Mama, all creatures are together with Me – conceived together with Me. I am with them, all love. I want to tell them how much I love them; I want to speak with them to tell them of my joys and sorrows - that I have come into their midst to make them happy and to console them; that I will remain in their midst as a little brother, giving my goods, my Kingdom, to each one of them at the cost of my life. I want to give them my kisses and my caresses; I want to amuse Myself with them, but – ah, how many sorrows they give Me! Some run away from Me, some play deaf and force Me into silence; some despise my goods and do not care about my Kingdom, returning my kisses and caresses with indifference and obliviousness of Me, so they convert my amusement into bitter crying. Oh! how lonely I am, though in the midst of many. Oh! how loneliness weighs upon Me. I have no one to whom to say a word, with whom to pour Myself out - not even in love. I am always sad and taciturn, because if I speak, I am not listened to. Ah! my daughter, I beg you, I implore you, do not leave Me alone in so much loneliness; give Me the good of letting Me speak by listening to Me; lend your ear to my teachings. I am the master of masters. How many things do I want to teach you! If you listen to Me, you will stop my crying and I will amuse Myself with you. Don’t you want to amuse yourself with Me?”
And as I abandoned myself in Him, giving Him my compassion in His loneliness, the interior voice continued: “Enough, enough; move on to consider the sixth excess of my love.”
6 - “My daughter, come, pray my dear Mama to set aside a little space for you within her maternal womb, that you yourself may see the painful state in which I find Myself.” So, in my thoughts, it seemed that our Queen Mama made me a little room to make Jesus content, and placed me in it. But the darkness was such that I could not see Him; I could only hear His breathing, while He continued to say in my interior: “My daughter, look at another excess of my love. I am the eternal light; the sun is a shadow of my light. But do you see where my love led Me - in what a dark prison I am? There is not a glimmer of light; it is always night for Me – but a night without stars, without rest. I am always awake…what pain! The narrowness of this prison - without being able to make the slightest movement; the thick darkness…; even my breathing, as I breathe through the breathing of my Mama – oh, how labored it is! To this, add the darkness of the sins of creatures. Each sin was a night for Me, and combined together they formed an abyss of darkness, with no boundaries. What pain! Oh, excess of my love - making Me pass from an immensity of light and space into an abyss of thick darkness, so narrow as to lose the freedom to breathe; and all this, for love of creatures.”
As He was saying this, He moaned - moans almost suffocated because of the lack of space; and He cried. I was consumed with crying. I thanked Him, I compassionated Him; I wanted to make Him a little light with my love, as He told me to. But who can say all? Then, the same interior voice added: “Enough for now; move on to the seventh excess of my love.”
7 - The interior voice continued: “My daughter, do not leave Me alone in so much loneliness and in so much darkness. Do not leave the womb of my Mama, so you may see the seventh excess of my love. Listen to Me: in the womb of my Celestial Father I was fully happy; there was no good which I did not possess; joy, happiness - everything was at my disposal. The Angels adored Me reverently, hanging upon my every wish. Ah, excess of my love! I could say that it made Me change my destiny; it restrained Me within this gloomy prison; it stripped Me of all my joys, happinesses and goods, to clothe Me with all the unhappinesses of creatures – and all this in order to make an exchange, to give them my destiny, my joys and my eternal happiness. But this would have been nothing had I not found in them highest ingratitude and obstinate perfidy. Oh, how my eternal love was surprised in the face of so much ingratitude, and how it cried over the stubbornness and perfidy of man. Ingratitude was the sharpest thorn that pierced my heart, from my conception up to the last moment of my life. Look at my little heart - it is wounded, and pours out blood. What pain! What torture I feel! My daughter, do not be ungrateful to Me. Ingratitude is the hardest pain for your Jesus; it is to close the door in my face, leaving Me numb with cold. But my love did not stop at so much ingratitude; it took the attitude of supplicating, imploring, moaning and begging love. This is the eighth excess of my love.”
8 - “My daughter, do not leave Me alone; place your head upon the womb of my dear Mama, and even from the outside you will hear my moans and my supplications. In seeing that neither my moans nor my supplications move the creature to compassion for my love, I assume the attitude of the poorest of beggars; and stretching out my little hand, I ask - for pity’s sake, and at least as alms - for their souls, for their affections and for their hearts. My love wanted to conquer the heart of man at any cost; and in seeing that after seven excesses of my love, he was still reluctant, he played deaf, he did not care about Me and did not want to give himself to Me, my love wanted to push itself further. It should have stopped; but no, it wanted to overflow even more from within its boundaries; and from the womb of my Mama, it made my voice reach every heart with the most insinuating manners, with the most fervent pleas, with the most penetrating words. And do you know what I said to them? ‘My child, give me your heart; I will give you everything you want, provided that you give Me your heart in exchange. I have descended from Heaven to make a prey of it. O please, do not deny it to Me! Do not delude my hopes!’ And in seeing him reluctant – even more, many turned their backs to Me – I passed on to moaning; I joined my little hands and, crying, with a voice suffocated by sobs, I added: ‘Ohh! Ohh! I am the little beggar; you don’t want to give Me your heart - not even as alms? Is this not a greater excess of my love; that the Creator, in order to approach the creature, takes the form of a little baby so as not to strike fear in him; that He asks for the heart of the creature, at least as alms, and in seeing that he does not want to give it, He supplicates, moans and cries?”
Then I heard Him say: “And you, don’t you want to give Me your heart? Or maybe you too want Me to moan, beg and cry in order to give Me your heart? Do you want to deny Me the alms I ask of you?” And as He was saying this I heard Him as though sobbing, and I: ‘My Jesus, do not cry, I give You my heart and all of myself.’ Then, the interior voice continued: “Move further; pass on to the ninth excess of my love.”
9 - “My daughter, my state is ever more painful. If you love Me, keep your gaze fixed on Me, to see if you can offer some relief to your Jesus; a little word of love, a caress, a kiss, will give respite to my crying and to my afflictions. Listen my daughter, after I gave eight excesses of my love, and man requited them so badly, my love did not give up and wanted to add the ninth excess to the eighth. And this was yearnings, sighs of fire, flames of desire, for I wanted to go out of the maternal womb to embrace man. This reduced my little Humanity, not yet born, to such an agony as to reach the point of breathing my last. But as I was about to breathe my last, my Divinity, which was inseparable from Me, gave Me sips of life, and so I regained life to continue my agony, and return again to the point of death. This was the ninth excess of my love: to agonize and to die of love continuously for the creature. Oh! what a long agony of nine months! Oh! how love suffocated Me and made Me die. Had I not had the Divinity with Me, which gave Me life again every time I was about to finish, love would have consumed Me before coming out to the light of day.”
Then He added: “Look at Me, listen to Me, how I agonize, how my heart beats, pants, burns. Look at Me - now I die.” And He remained in deep silence. I felt I was dying. My blood froze in my veins, and trembling, I said to Him: ‘My Love, my Life, do not die, do not leave me alone. You want love, and I will love You; I will not leave You ever again. Give me your flames to be able to love You more, and be consumed completely for You.’

Divine Will Volume Two

2008-06-28T03:11:00.000-07:00

VOLUME 2

J.M.J.

February 28, 1899

By order of the confessor I begin to write what passes between me and Our Lord, day by day. Year 1899, month of February, day 28.

I confess the truth, I feel great repugnance; the effort I have to make in order to conquer myself is so great, that only the Lord can know the torture of my soul. But, oh holy obedience, what a powerful bond you are! You alone could conquer me, and overcoming all my repugnances, almost impassable mountains, you bind me to the Will of God and of the confessor. But, please! Oh! Holy Spouse, as great as my sacrifice is, so much help do I need; I want nothing but for You to hold me in your arms and sustain me. In this way, assisted by You, I will be able to say only the truth, only for your glory, and to my confusion.

This morning, as the confessor celebrated Mass, I also received Communion. My mind was in a sea of confusion because of these obediences that are given to me by the confessor, to write everything that passes in my interior. As soon as I received Jesus, I began to tell Him of my pains, especially my insufficiency, and many other things. But Jesus seemed not to care about this thing of mine, and did not answer to anything. A light came to my mind, and I said: ‘Who knows whether I myself am the cause for which Jesus is not showing Himself according to His usual way.’ So, with all my heart, I said to Him: ‘O please! my Good and my All, don’t show Yourself so indifferent with me – You make my heart split with pain. If it is because of the writing – let it be, let it be, even if it cost me the sacrifice of my life, I promise I will do it!’ Then Jesus changed appearance and, all benign, He told me: “What do you fear? Have I not assisted you the other times? My light will surround you everywhere, and so you will be able to manifest it.”

Purity of intention.

While He was saying this, I don’t know how, I saw the confessor near Jesus; and the Lord told him: “See, everything you do passes into Heaven. Therefore, see with what purity you must operate, thinking that all your steps, words and works come before my presence, and if they are pure – that is, if they are done for Me – I take greatest delight in them and I feel them around Me like many messengers that remind Me continuously of you. But if they are done for low and earthly purposes, I feel bothered by them.” And as He was saying this, He seemed to take his hands, and lifting them up to Heaven, He said to him: “Your eye always on high; you belong to Heaven – operate for Heaven.”

While I was seeing the confessor, and Jesus saying this to him, in my mind it seemed to me that if one operated in that way, it would happen as when a person has to move out of one house to go to another. What does he do? First he sends all his things and everything he possesses, and then he goes himself. In the same way, we first send our works to take a place for us in Heaven, and then, when our time comes, we go ourselves. Oh! what a beautiful cortege they will make for us!

Faith.

Now, while seeing the confessor, I remembered he had told me that I was to write about Faith in the way in which the Lord had spoken to me about this virtue. While I was thinking of this, in one instant the Lord drew me so much to Himself, that I felt myself outside of myself, in the vault of the heavens together with Jesus; and He told me these exact words: “Faith is God.”

But these two words contained an immense light, such that it is impossible to explain them – but I will say what I can. In the word “Faith”, I comprehended that Faith is God Himself. Just as material food gives life to the body so that it may not die, so does Faith give life to the soul – without Faith, the soul is dead. Faith vivifies, Faith sanctifies, Faith spiritualizes man, and makes him keep his eye fixed on a Supreme Being, in such a way that he learns nothing of the things of down here; and if he learns them, he learns them in God. Oh! the happiness of a soul who lives of Faith - her flight is always toward Heaven. In everything that happens to her, she always looks at herself in God; and so, just as in tribulation, Faith raises her in God and she does not afflict herself, nor does she lament, knowing that she is not to form her contentment here, but in Heaven; in the same way, if joy, riches, pleasures, surround her, Faith raises her in God, and she says to herself: “Oh! how much more content and rich will I be in Heaven!” So, these earthly things are a bother to her, she despises them, and tramples them underfoot. It seems to me that to a soul who lives of Faith, it happens as to a person who possessed millions upon millions of coins, and even entire kingdoms, and someone else wanted to offer him a penny. What would he say? Would he not disdain it? Would he not throw it in his face? I add: and what if that penny were all muddy, just as earthly things are? Even more: what if that penny were only lent to him? Now, this person would say: “I enjoy and possess immense riches, and you dared to offer me this miserable penny, so muddy, and only for a short time?” I believe he would immediately remove his gaze from it, and would not accept the gift. So does the soul who lives of Faith with regard to earthy things.

Now let us go back again to the idea of food: by taking food, the body is not only sustained, but shares in the substance of the food, which is transformed with the body itself. The same for the soul who lives of Faith: since Faith is God Himself, the soul comes to live of God Himself; and by feeding herself with God Himself, she comes to share in the substance of God; and by sharing in Him, she comes to resemble Him and to be transformed with God Himself. Therefore, it happens to the soul who lives of Faith, that, just as God is holy, the soul is holy; powerful God - powerful the soul; wise, strong and just God - wise, strong and just the soul; and so with all the other attributes of God. In sum, the soul becomes a little god. Oh! the blessedness of this soul on earth, to then be more blessed in Heaven.

I also comprehended that those words which the Lord says to His beloved souls – “I will espouse you in the Faith” – mean nothing less but that the Lord, in this mystical marriage, comes to endow the souls with His own virtues. It seems to me that it happens as to two spouses: as they join their properties together, the belongings of one can no longer be distinguished from those of the other, but both of them become the owners. However, in our case, the soul is poor – all the good comes from the Lord, who lets her share in His possessions.

The life of the soul is God, Faith is God, and the soul, by possessing Faith, comes to graft all the other virtues into herself, in such a way that Faith is like a king in her heart, and the other virtues remain around It, as the subjects that serve Faith. So, without Faith, the virtues themselves are virtues that have no life.

It seems to me that God communicates Faith to man in two ways: the first is in holy Baptism; the second is when blessed God, by unleashing a particle of His substance into the soul, communicates to her the virtue of making miracles, like raising the dead, healing the sick, stopping the sun, and the like. Oh! if the world had Faith, it would change into a terrestrial paradise.

Oh! how high and sublime is the flight of the soul who exercises herself in Faith. It seems to me that by exercising herself in Faith, the soul acts like those timid little birds which, for fear of being caught by hunters, or of some other snare, establish their dwelling at the top of the trees, or in high places. Then, when they are forced to take food, they descend, take the food, and immediately fly back into their dwelling. And some of them, more cautious, take the food and don’t even eat it on the ground, but in order to be safer, they carry it up to the top of the trees, and there they swallow it.

In the same way, the soul who lives of Faith is so timid with earthly things, that for fear of being snared, she doesn’t so much as glance at them. Her dwelling is up high – that is, above all the things of the earth, and especially in the wounds of Jesus Christ; and from within those blessed rooms she moans, cries, prays and suffers together with her Spouse Jesus over the condition and the misery in which mankind lies. While she lives inside those holes of the wounds of Jesus, the Lord gives her a particle of His virtues, and the soul feels those virtues within herself as if they were her own. However, she realizes that, even though she sees them as her own, her possessing them is given to her, for they were communicated by the Lord.

It happens to her as to a person who has received a gift that he did not possess. Now, what does he do? He takes it and makes himself the owner of it; however, every time he looks at it, he says to himself: “This is mine, but it was given to me by so and so.” So also does the soul whom the Lord transmutes into Himself, by unleashing from Himself a particle of His Divine Being. Now, this soul, just as she abhors sin, also feels compassion for others, and prays for those whom she sees walking on the path of the precipice. She unites herself with Jesus Christ, and offers herself as victim in order to placate Divine Justice, and to spare creatures the deserved chastisements. And if the sacrifice of her life were necessary – oh! how gladly she would make it for the salvation of one soul alone.

How she sees the Divinity of Jesus.

Since the confessor told me to explain to him how I see, sometimes, the Divinity of Our Lord, I answered him that it was impossible for me to be able to tell him anything. But, at night, blessed Jesus appeared to me and almost reproached me because of this refusal of mine, and then He made two most luminous rays flash through me. With the first one I comprehended in my intellect that Faith is God and God is Faith. I tried to say a few things about Faith; now I will try to say how I see God - and this was the second ray.

While I am outside of myself, and I find myself in the height of the heavens, I seem to see God within a light; and He Himself seems to be light, and in this light there is beauty, strength, wisdom, immensity, height, depth – without end or boundaries. Even in the air that we breathe there is God Himself being breathed; so, each one can make Him one’s own life, as indeed He is. Nothing escapes Him, and nothing can escape Him. This light seems to be all voice – and without speaking; all operating – while it always rests. It is present everywhere – without occupying anything; and while it is present everywhere, it also has its own center. Oh! God, how incomprehensible You are. I see You, I feel You, You are my life, You restrict Yourself within me, while You remain always immense and lose nothing of Yourself. Yet, I feel I am stammering, and it seems to me that I am unable to say anything.

In order to explain myself better, according to our human language, I will say that I see a shadow of God in all Creation, because in all Creation – somewhere He has cast the shadow of His beauty, somewhere His fragrances, somewhere His light, as in the sun, in which I see a special shadow of God. I see Him as though veiled in this sphere, as the king of all other spheres. What is the sun? It is nothing other than a globe of fire. One is the globe, but many are the rays; from this we can easily comprehend: the globe – God; the rays - the immense attributes of God.

Second. The sun is fire, but it is also light and heat - here is the Most Holy Trinity veiled in the sun: the fire is the Father, the light is the Son, the heat is the Holy Spirit. However, the sun is one, and just as one cannot separate the fire from the light and from the heat, so one is the power of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, who cannot really be separated from one another. And just as fire, in the same instant, produces light and heat, in such a way that fire cannot be conceived without also conceiving the light and the heat; in the same way, the Father cannot be conceived before the Son and the Holy Spirit, and vice versa, but all Three of the Them have the same eternal beginning.

I add that the light of the sun diffuses everywhere; in the same way, God, with His immensity, penetrates everywhere. However, let us remember that this is but a shadow, because the sun cannot reach where it cannot penetrate with its light, while God penetrates everywhere. God is most pure Spirit, and we can represent Him with the sun that makes its rays penetrate everywhere, without anyone being able to grab them with his hands. Moreover, God looks at everything – the iniquities, the evils of men – and He remains always as He is, pure, holy, immaculate. A shadow of God is the sun, which sends its light over rubbish, and remains immaculate; it spreads its light in the fire, and is not burned; in the sea, in the rivers, and is not drowned. It gives light to all, it fecundates everything, it gives life to everything with its heat, and is not impoverished of light, nor does it lose any of its heat. Even more, while it does so much good to all, it has need of no one, and remains always as it is – majestic, resplendent, ever immutable. Oh! how well can one recognize the divine qualities in the sun. With His immensity, God is present in the fire, and is not burned; in the sea, and is not drowned; under our steps, and is not trampled. He gives to all, and is not impoverished, and has need of no one; He looks at everything – even more, He is all eyes, and there is nothing He does not hear. He is aware of each fiber of our hearts, of each thought of our minds, and, being most pure Spirit, He has neither ears nor eyes, and regardless of any happening, He never changes. The sun, investing the world with its light, does not tire; in the same way, God, giving life to all, helping and ruling the world, does not tire.

A man can hide, he can place shades in order not to enjoy the light of the sun and its beneficial influences, but he does nothing to the sun – the sun remains as it is, while all the evil will fall upon man. In the same way, by sin, the sinner can move away from God and no longer enjoy His beneficial influences, but he does nothing to God – the evil is all his own.

The roundness of the sun also symbolizes to me the eternity of God, which has no beginning and no end. The very light of the sun, penetrating, is such that no one can restrict it within one’s eye; and if one wanted to fix on it in its full midday, he would remain dazzled; and if the sun wanted to draw closer to man, man would be reduced to ashes. The same for the Divine Sun: no created mind can restrict It within its little mind in order to comprehend It in all that It is; and if it wanted to try, it would remain dazzled and confused; and if this Divine Sun wanted to display all Its love, allowing man to feel It while he is in his mortal flesh, he would be reduced to ashes.

So, God has cast a shadow of Himself and of His perfections over all Creation; it seems that we see Him and touch Him, and we are touched by Him continuously.

In addition to this, after the Lord said those words - “Faith is God” - I said to Him: ‘Jesus, do You love me?’ And He added: “And you, do you love Me?” Immediately I said: ‘Yes Lord, and You know that without You I feel life missing in me.’

“Well then”, Jesus continued, “you love Me, I too love you – so, let us love each other, and remain always together.” This is how He ended for this morning. Now, who can say how much my mind has comprehended of this Divine Sun? I seem to see It and touch It everywhere. Even more, I feel invested by It, inside and out, but my capacity is so very small – while it seems it comprehends something about God, the moment I see Him, it seems I have comprehended nothing; even more, it seems that I have spoken nonsense. I hope that Jesus will forgive my nonsense.

March 10, 1899
The Lord shows her many chastisements.

As I was in my usual state, my always lovable Jesus made Himself seen all embittered and afflicted; and He told me: “My daughter, my Justice has grown too heavy, and the offenses I receive from men are so many that I can no longer bear them. Therefore, the scythe of death is about to harvest much – and suddenly, and by means of diseases. The chastisements I will pour upon the world are so many, that they will be a sort of judgment.” Who can say the so many chastisements He showed me, and how terrified and frightened I was left? The pain that my soul feels is so great, that I believe it is better to keep silent.

But I continue, because obedience wants it so. I seemed to see streets filled with human flesh, and blood inundating the ground, and cities besieged by enemies who spared not even children. They seemed to be like many furies come out of hell - they will respect neither churches nor priests. The Lord seemed to send a chastisement from Heaven - what it is I don’t know; it just seemed to me that we will all receive a mortal blow, and some will be victims of death, others will recover. I also seemed to see plants withered, and many other troubles that are to come over the crops. Oh! God, what pain to see these things and be forced to manifest them. Ah! Lord, placate Yourself. I hope that your Blood and your wounds will be our remedy. Or rather, pour the chastisements upon this sinner, for I deserve them; or otherwise take me, for then You will be free to do whatever You want. But as long as I live, I will do everything I can to oppose it.

March 13, 1899
Charity is nothing other than an outpouring of the Divine Being. All Creation speaks of the love of God for man, and teaches the way in which he must love Him.

This morning, beloved Jesus did not make Himself seen in the usual way, all affability and sweetness - but severe. I felt my mind in a sea of confusion, and my soul so afflicted and annihilated, especially because of the chastisements seen in these past days. In seeing Him in that appearance I did not dare to tell Him anything; we looked at each other, but in silence. Oh! God, what pain. Then, in one instant, I also saw the confessor, and Jesus, sending forth a ray of intellectual light, spoke these words: “Charity. Charity is nothing other than an outpouring of the Divine Being, and this outpouring I have diffused over all Creation, in such a way that all Creation speaks of the love I have for man, and all Creation teaches the way in which he must love Me - from the largest being to the most tiny little flower of the field.

“See”, it says to man, “with my sweet fragrance and by always facing the sky, I try to send an homage to my Creator. You too, let all your actions be fragrant, holy, pure; do not offend my Creator with the bad odor of your actions. O please! Oh man”, the little flower repeats to us, “don’t be so senseless as to keep your eyes fixed on the earth; but raise them up to Heaven. See, up there is your destiny, your Fatherland – up there is my Creator and yours who awaits you.”

The water that flows continuously before our eyes also says to us: “See, I have come out of darkness, and I must flow and run so much until I get to bury myself in the place from which I came out. You too, Oh man, run - but run into the bosom of God, from which you came out. O please! I beg you, do not run along the wrong paths, the paths that lead to the precipice; otherwise - woe to you!”

Even the wildest animals repeat to us: “See, Oh man, how wild you must be for all that is not God. See, when we see that someone gets close to us, with our roars we strike so much fear, that no one dares to come close to us any more, to disturb our solitude. You too, when the stench of earthly things - that is, your violent passions – are about to make you muddy and make you fall into the abyss of sins, with the roars of your prayers and by withdrawing from the occasions in which you find yourself, you will be safe from any danger.” And so with all other beings, such that it would take too long to tell them all; with one voice they resound among themselves, and repeat to us: “See, Oh man, our Creator has created us for love of you, and we remain all at your service. And you, don’t be so ungrateful – love, we beg you; love, we repeat to you; love our Creator.”

After this, my lovable Jesus told me: “This is all I want: love God and your neighbor for love of Me. See how much I have loved man – and he is so ungrateful. How can you want Me not to chastise them?” At that very moment, I seemed to see a terrible hail, and an earthquake that is to cause considerable damage, to the point of destroying plants and men. Then, with all the bitterness of my soul, I said to Him: ‘My always lovable Jesus, why so indignant? If man is ungrateful, it is not so much because of malice, but because of weakness. Oh! if they knew You a little bit – oh! how humble and palpitating they would be. Therefore, placate Yourself. I recommend to you at least Corato and those who belong to me.’ As I was saying this, it seemed to me that, even if something should happen, it would be nothing compared to what will happen in other towns.

March 14, 1899
The evil of man forces God to chastise him.

This morning, my most sweet Jesus, carrying me together with Him, made me see the multiplicity of the sins that are committed; and they were such and so many, that it is impossible to describe them. I also saw a star in the air, of enormous magnitude, and within its roundness it contained black fire and blood. It struck so much fear and fright in looking at it, that it seemed that death would be a lesser evil than to live in times so sad. In other places, one could see volcanoes which, opening more mouths, are to inundate also the neighbouring country. One could also see sectarian people, who will go on causing fires. While I was seeing this, my lovable but afflicted Jesus told me: “Did you see how much they offend Me, and what I keep prepared? I am withdrawing from man.” And as He was saying this, we both withdrew into my bed, and I saw that because of this withdrawal of Jesus, men would give themselves over to more awful actions, more murders; in a word, I seemed to see people against people. Once we had withdrawn, Jesus seemed to place Himself in my heart, and He began to cry and sob, saying: “Oh! man, how much I have loved you. If you knew how I grieve in having to chastise you! But my Justice forces Me to this. Oh! man, Oh! man, how I cry and grieve over your lot.” Then He would burst into tears and, again, He would repeat those words.

Who can say the pity, the fear, the torment that arose in my soul, especially in seeing Jesus so afflicted and crying! I did as much as I could to hide my sorrow, and in order to console Him I said to Him: ‘Oh! Lord, may it never be that You chastise man. Holy Spouse, do not cry; just as You have done other times, You will do now: You will pour it into me, You will make me suffer, and so your Justice will not force You to chastise the people.’ Jesus would continue crying, and I would repeat: ‘But, listen to me a little bit – did You not put me in this bed so that I would be victim for others? Have I perhaps not been ready to suffer the other times, so that creatures would be spared? Why do You not want to listen to me now?’ But with all my poor speaking, Jesus would not calm Himself from crying. So, no longer able to hold it, I too broke the dike of my crying, saying to Him: ‘Lord, if your intention is to chastise men, I too do not have the heart to see creatures suffer so much. Therefore, if You really want to send the scourges, and my sins no longer make me worthy to suffer in place of others, I want to come – I don’t want to be on this earth any more.’ Then the confessor came, and since I was called to obedience, Jesus withdrew, and so it ended.

The following morning, I kept seeing Jesus withdrawn in my heart, and I saw that people would come even inside my heart, and walk all over Him and trample Him underfoot. I did as much as I could in order to free Him; and Jesus, turning to me, told me: “Do you see where the ingratitude of men reaches? They themselves force Me to chastise them, as I cannot do otherwise. And you, my dear one, after you have seen Me suffer so much – may you hold crosses more dearly, and pains as delights.”

March 18, 1899
Charity is simple.

This morning, my beloved Jesus continued making Himself seen from inside my heart; and in seeing Him a little bit more cheered, I plucked up courage, and I began to pray that He would not send so many chastisements. And Jesus told me: “What moves you, oh my daughter, to pray Me not to chastise creatures?”

Immediately I answered: ‘Because they are your images, and if creatures should suffer, You Yourself would suffer.’ And Jesus, heaving a sigh, told me: “Charity is so dear to me, that you cannot comprehend it. Charity is simple, just like my Being which, though immense, is yet most simple; so much so that there is no place which It does not penetrate. So Charity is; being simple, it diffuses everywhere, it has regard for no one – whether a friend or an enemy, whether a citizen or a stranger, it loves everybody.”

March 19, 1899
The devil can speak about virtue, but he cannot infuse it in the soul.

This morning, while Jesus made Himself seen, I was afraid it might not be really Jesus, but the devil wanting to deceive me. After I made the usual protests[1], Jesus told me: “Daughter, do not fear for I am not the devil. And besides, if he speaks about virtue, it is a colored virtue, not true virtue, nor does he have the virtue of infusing it in the soul, but only of speaking about it. And if sometimes he shows he wants to make the soul practice a little bit of good, she is not persevering, and in the very act in which the soul does that little bit of good, she is listless and agitated. I alone have the power to infuse Myself in the heart, to make one practice virtues, and suffer with courage and tranquillity, and with perseverance. And besides, when has the devil ever gone in search of virtues? His hunt is for vices. Therefore, do not fear, and be tranquil.”

March 20, 1899
The world has reduced itself to such a sad state because it has lost subordination to the leaders, God being the first.

This morning, Jesus transported me outside of myself and showed me many people, all in discord. Oh! how much this grieved Jesus. In seeing Him suffer very much I prayed Him to pour it into me. But since He still continues wanting to chastise the world, Jesus did not want to pour it into me. However, after I prayed Him and prayed Him, to make me content He poured a little bit. Then, relieved a little bit, He told me: “The reason why the world has reduced itself to this sad state is that it has lost subordination to the leaders; and since the first leader is God, against whom they have rebelled, it happened as a consequence that they have lost any subjection to and dependence on the Church, the laws and all the others ones who are said to be leaders. Ah! my daughter, what will happen to so many members infected by this bad example given by those very ones who are said to be leaders – that is, by superiors, by parents, and many others? Ah! they will reach such a point that neither parents, nor brothers, nor kings, nor princes will be recognized any more. These members will be like many vipers that will poison one another. Therefore, see how necessary chastisements are in these times, and for death to almost destroy this sort of people, so that the few who will be left may learn at the expense of others to be humble and obedient. So, let Me do; do not want to oppose my chastising the people.”

March 31, 1899
The preciousness of sufferings.

This morning, my adorable Jesus made Himself seen crucified, and after He communicated His pains to me, He told me: “Many are the wounds that made Me suffer during my Passion, but one was the Cross. This means that many are the roads by which I draw souls to perfection, but one is the Heaven in which these souls must unite. So, if one misses that Heaven, there is no other that can render them blessed forever.”

Then He added: “Take a look: one is the Cross, but this Cross was formed with various pieces of wood. This means that one is Heaven, but this Heaven contains various places, more or less glorious; and these places will be distributed according to the sufferings suffered down here, more or less heavy. Oh! if all knew the preciousness of suffering, they would compete with one another to suffer more. But this science is not recognized by the world, and so they abhor everything that can render them richer for eternity.”

April 3, 1899
Humility without confidence is false virtue.

After having gone through several days of privation and of tears, I found myself all confused and annihilated within myself. In my interior I kept saying continuously: ‘Tell Me, Oh my Good, why have You moved away from me? Where have I offended You, that You no longer make Yourself seen - and if You show Yourself, it is almost concealed, and in silence? O please! do not make me wait and wait any longer, for my heart cannot take any more.’

Finally, Jesus showed Himself a little more clearly, and in seeing me so annihilated, He told me: “If you knew how much I like humility…. Humility is the littlest plant that can be found, but its branches are so high as to reach Heaven, wind their way around my throne, and penetrate even into my Heart. This little plant is humility, and the branches that this plant produces are confidence; so, there cannot be true humility without confidence. Humility without confidence is false virtue.” From the words of my Jesus it shows that my heart was not only annihilated, but also a little discouraged.

April 5, 1899
How Jesus keeps her overshadowed in His love.

My soul continued in its annihilation, and with the fear of losing sweet Jesus, when, in one instant, all of a sudden He made Himself seen and told me: “I keep you in the shadow of my charity. So, since the shadow penetrates everywhere, my love keeps you overshadowed everywhere and in everything. What do you fear then? How can I leave you while I keep you so sunken in my love?” While Jesus was saying this, I wanted to ask Him why He was not making Himself seen according to His usual way, but Jesus disappeared from me immediately, and did not give me the time to tell Him even one word. Oh! God, what pain.

April 7, 1899
Luisa refreshes Jesus. He says to her: “I want to make of you an object of my satisfactions”.

It continues in the same state, but this morning, especially, it was most bitter for me; I had almost lost the hope that Jesus would come. Oh! how many tears I had to shed! It was the very last hour, and Jesus was still not coming. Oh! God, what to do? My heart was in such a strong pain, and in continuous throbbing - but so strongly, that I felt a mortal agony. In my interior I said to Him: ‘My good Jesus, don’t You Yourself see that I feel life missing in me? Tell me at least: how can one be without You? How can one live? Though I am ungrateful at so many graces, yet I love You, since I offer You this most bitter pain of your absence to repair for my ingratitude. But come – have patience, Jesus. You are so good, don’t make me wait any longer – come. Ah! don’t You Yourself know what a cruel tyrant love is, that You don’t have compassion for me?’

While I was in this state, so painful, Jesus came and, all compassion, told me: “I have come now, do not cry any more – come to Me.” In one instant I found myself outside of myself together with Him, and I looked at Him, but with such fear that I might lose Him again, that tears would pour in large streams from my eyes. Jesus continued, telling me: “No, do not cry any more. Take a look at how I am suffering; look at my head – the thorns have penetrated so deep inside, that they no longer appear outside. Do you see how many gashes and blood cover my body? Come close to Me, give me a refreshment.”

By occupying myself with the pains of Jesus, I forgot a little bit about my own, and so I started from His head. Oh! how harrowing it was to see those thorns so sunken into His flesh that one could hardly pull them out. While I was doing this, Jesus would lament, so great was the pain He suffered. After I pulled that crown of thorns off, all broken, I put it together again, and knowing that the greatest pleasure one can give Jesus is to suffer for Him, I took it and I drove it onto my head. Then, He had me kiss His wounds, one by one, and in some of the wounds He wanted me to suckle the blood. I was trying to do everything He wanted, but in mute silence, when the Most Holy Virgin came and told me: “Ask Jesus what He wants to make of you.”

I would not dare, but Mama encouraged me to do it. To make Her content, I drew my lips close to the ear of Jesus, and in a whisper I said to Him: “What do You want to make of me?’ And He answered: “I want to make of you an object of my satisfactions”; and in the very act of saying these words, He disappeared, and I found myself inside myself.

April 9, 1899
Jesus refreshes her from the pains of His privation, keeping her with Him in the Tabernacle.

This morning, Jesus made Himself seen and carried me inside a church. There I listened to Holy Mass and I received Communion from the hands of Jesus. After this, I clung to His feet, but so strongly that I could not detach myself. The thought of the pains of the past days – that is, the privation of Jesus – made me fear so much that I might lose Him again, that while at His feet, I cried and said to Him: ‘This time, oh! Jesus, I will not leave You any more, because when You go away from me You make me suffer and wait so much.’

Jesus told me: “Come into my arms for I want to refresh you from the pains of these past days.” I almost did not dare to do it, but Jesus stretched out His hands and took me from His feet; and He embraced me and said: “Do not fear, for I do not leave you. This morning I want to make you content – come and stay with me in the Tabernacle.” And so we both withdrew into the Tabernacle. Who can say what we did? Now He would kiss me, and I Him; now I would rest in Him, and Jesus in me; now I would see the offenses He received and would make acts of reparation for the different offenses. Who can say the patience of Jesus in the Sacrament? It is such and so great that it is frightening just to think about it.

But while I was doing this, Jesus made me see the confessor who was coming to call me into myself. Jesus told me: “Enough now – go, for obedience is calling you.” And it seemed that my soul would return to my body, and indeed the confessor was calling me to obedience.

April 12, 1899
Jesus says to her: “Being in the Sacrament is for Me the same as being in your heart”. Hypocrisy, bitter pain for Jesus.

Today, without making me wait too long, Jesus came quickly and told me: “You are my tabernacle. Being in the Sacrament is for Me the same as being in your heart; or rather, in you I find something more: I am able to share my pains with you and to have you together with Me, a living victim before Divine Justice, which I do not find in the Sacrament.” And while saying these words, He enclosed Himself inside of me.

While being inside of me, Jesus would make me feel, now the pricks of the thorns, now the pains of the cross, the labors and the sufferings of His Heart. Around His Heart I could see a braid of iron spikes, which made Jesus suffer very much. Ah! how much pity I felt in seeing Him suffer so much. I would have wanted to suffer everything myself, rather than let my sweet Jesus suffer; and from the heart I prayed Him to give to me the pains, to me the suffering.

Jesus told me: “Daughter, the offenses which most pierce my Heart are the Masses said sacrilegiously, and the hypocrisies.” Who can say what I comprehended in these two words? It seemed to me that externally one shows that he loves and praises the Lord, but internally he has poison ready to kill Him; externally, one shows that he wants the glory and the honor of God, while internally he seeks his own honor and esteem. All the works done with hypocrisy, even the holiest ones, are works completely poisoned, which embitter the Heart of Jesus.

April 16, 1899
Preparation for Communion. Offenses given to Jesus by His own.

While I was in my usual state, Jesus invited me to go around, to see what creatures were doing. I said to Him: ‘My adorable Jesus, this morning I don’t feel like going around and seeing the offenses that they give You. Let us stay here, the two of us together.’

But Jesus insisted that He wanted to go around, and so, to make Him content, I said to Him: ‘If You want to go out, let us rather go inside some churches, because the offenses they give You are fewer there.’ And so we went inside a church, but there also He was offended – more than in other places; not because more sins are committed in the churches than in the world, but because those are offenses given by His dearest ones, by the very ones who should lay down body and soul to defend the honor and the glory of God. This is why they reach His adorable Heart more painfully. I could see devout souls who, because of bagatelles of no importance, did not prepare well for Communion. Instead of thinking of Jesus, their minds were thinking about their little disturbances, about many trifles, and this was their occupation. How Jesus pitied them, and how much pity they themselves aroused, as they paid attention to so many straws, to so many specks; but then, they didn’t so much as glance at Jesus.

Jesus said to me: “My daughter, how these souls prevent my grace from pouring into them. I do not look at the trifles, but at the love with which they come to Me; yet, they make an exchange: they pay more attention to straws than to love. But while love destroys the straws, with many straws love cannot increase even a tiny bit; on the contrary, it is decreased. But what is worse about these souls is that they get so disturbed, and they waste much time. They would like to spend entire hours with their confessors to tell all these trifles, but they never get down to work with a good and courageous resolution, in order to root those straws out. What to tell you then, oh my daughter, about certain priests of these times? It can be said that they operate almost satanically, reaching the point of making themselves idols of souls. Ah! yes - it is by my sons that my Heart is pierced the most, because if others offend Me more, they offend the members of my body; but my own offend Me in my most sensitive and tender parts, deep into my inmost Heart.” Who can say the torment of Jesus? In speaking these words He was crying bitterly. I did as much as I could to compassionate Him and repair Him, but while I was doing this, Jesus and I, together, withdrew into my bed.”

April 21, 1899
Jesus, the poorest of the poor.

This morning, while I was in my usual state, in one instant I found myself inside myself, but without being able to move. I realized that someone was entering into my little room; then he closed the door again, and I felt he was drawing near my bed. In my mind I thought that someone had entered furtively, without anyone of my family seeing him, and had penetrated even into my little room. ‘Who knows what he will to do me?’ My fear was so great that I felt my blood freeze in my veins, and I trembled all over. Oh! God, what to do? I said to myself: ‘My family did not see him; I feel all numb and cannot defend myself, nor can I ask for help. Jesus, Mary, my Mama – help me! Saint Joseph, defend me from this danger!’

When I realized that he was coming up on my bed, and he curled up near me, my fear was such that I opened my eyes and I said to him: ‘Tell me, who are you?’ He answered: “I am the poorest of the poor, I don’t have a place to stay. I have come to you, if you want to keep me with you in your little room. See, I am so poor that I don’t even have clothes; but you will take care of everything.” I looked well at him; he was a five or six year old boy, without clothes, without shoes, but so very beautiful and cute. Immediately I answered him: ‘As for me, I would gladly keep you, but what will my dad say? I am not a free person who can do whatever she wants; I have my parents who prevent me. As for clothing you, I can do it with my poor toils, I will make any sacrifice – but as for keeping you, it is impossible. Besides, don’t you have a father, don’t you have a mother, that you don’t you have a place to stay?’

But the boy, desolately, answered: “I have no one. O please! don’t make me wander any more – let me stay with you!” I myself did not know what to do - how to keep him. A thought flashed through my mind: ‘Who knows whether it is Jesus? Or it might be some demon, to disturb me.’ So, again I said to him: ‘But, tell me the truth at least – who are you?’ And he repeated: “I am the poorest of the poor.” I replied: ‘Have you learned how to make the sign of the cross?’ “Yes”, he answered. ‘Well then, make it, I want to see how you make it.’ So he signed himself with the cross. I added: ‘And the Hail Mary – do you know how to say it?’ “Yes, but if you want me to say it, let us say it together.”

I began the Hail Mary and he was saying it together with me, when a most pure light was unleashed from His adorable forehead, and I recognized that the poorest of the poor was Jesus. In one instant, through that light that Jesus sent me, He made me lose consciousness again, and drew me outside of myself. I saw myself all confused before Jesus, especially because of my many rebuffs, and immediately I said to Him: ‘My lovely one, forgive me. Had I recognized You, I would not have forbidden You to enter. And besides, why did You not tell me that it was really You? I have many things to tell You; I would have told them to You – I would not have wasted time in so many useless things and fears. Then, in order to keep You I don’t need my family – I can keep You freely, because You don’t let Yourself be seen by anyone.’ But while I was saying this, Jesus disappeared; and so it ended, leaving me a pain for not having told Him anything of what I wanted to tell Him.

April 23, 1899
The praises and scorns of others.

Today I did my meditation on the harm that can come to our souls from the praises that creatures give us. While I was doing the application to myself, to see whether there was in me complacency for human praises, Jesus came close to me and told me: “When a heart is full of the knowledge of self, the praises of men are like those sea waves that rise and overflow, but never go out of their shore. In the same way, the human praises yell and shout, they clamor, they get close even to the heart, but in finding it full and well surrounded by the strong walls of the knowledge of self, unable to find a place for themselves, they draw back, causing no harm to one’s soul. So, this is what you must pay attention to; and the praises and scorns of creatures - take them into no account.”

April 26, 1899
The souls who are detached.

Today, while my loving Jesus was making Himself seen, it seemed to me that He was sending me many flashes of light, which penetrated through the whole of me, when, in one instant, I found myself outside of myself together with Him, and the confessor also was there. Immediately I prayed my beloved Jesus to give a kiss to the confessor, and to go into his arms for a little while (Jesus was a child). To make me content, immediately He kissed the confessor on his face, but without wanting to detach from me. I remained all afflicted, and I said to Him: ‘My little treasure, my intention was for You to kiss, not his face, but his mouth, so that, touched by your most pure lips, it might be sanctified and fortified from that weakness. In this way, it will be able to announce your holy word more freely, and to sanctify others. O please! I pray You to make me content.’ So, Jesus gave him another kiss on his mouth, and then He said: “I am so very pleased with the souls who are detached from everything, not only in the affect, but also in the effect, that insofar as they keep stripping themselves, so does my light keep investing them, and they become just like crystals, which are such that the light of the sun finds no impediment to penetrate inside, as it finds with buildings and other material things.”

“Ah!”, He then said, “They think that they strip themselves, but instead, they come to be clothed not only with spiritual things, but also with the corporal, because my providence has a care all particular and special for these detached souls. My providence overshadows them everywhere; it happens that they have nothing, but they possess everything.”

After this, we withdrew from the confessor, and we found many religious people who seemed all to have their goals set on working for a purpose of interest. Passing through their midst, Jesus said: “Woe – woe to one who works for the purpose of gaining money! You have already received your recompense in life.”

May 2, 1899
How the whole of Heaven is veiled in the Church.

This morning, Jesus aroused much compassion; He was so afflicted and in suffering that I would not dare to ask Him a single question. We would look at each other in silence; every now and then He would give me a kiss, and I to Him; and He continued to make Himself seen in this way several times. On the last time He made me see the Church, telling me these exact words: “The whole of Heaven is veiled in my Church. Just as in Heaven one is the head, which is God, and many are the saints, of different conditions, orders and merits, so in my Church, in which all Heaven is veiled, one is the head, which is the Pope, and even in the triple tiara that covers his head is the Sacrosanct Trinity veiled; and many are the members that depend upon this head – that is, different dignities, various orders, superior and inferior. From the littlest to the greatest, they all serve to embellish my Church; and each one, according to its degree, has the office entrusted to it; and by the exact fulfillment of the virtues, it comes to give of itself a splendor so very fragrant in my Church, that the earth and Heaven are perfumed and illumined, and the people are so drawn by this light and by this fragrance, that it is almost impossible for them not to surrender to the truth. I leave it to you, then, to consider those infected members which, instead of shedding light, cast darkness. How much torment they cause in my Church.”

While Jesus was saying this, I saw the confessor near Him. Jesus looked intently at him with His penetrating gaze; then, turning to me, He told me: “I want you to have full trust with the confessor, even in the smallest things, to the point that there must be no difference for you between Me and him, and according to your trust and the faith you place in his words, so will I concur.” In the act in which Jesus was saying these words, I remembered about certain temptations of the devil, which had produced in me a little bit of distrust. But Jesus, with His vigilant eye, immediately corrected me, and in that very act I felt that distrust being removed from within my interior. May the Lord be always blessed, who takes so much care of this soul, so miserable and sinful.

May 6, 1899
Luisa looks for Jesus amidst the Angels.

This morning, Jesus hardly made Himself seen; I felt my mind so confused, that I almost could not comprehend the loss of Jesus, when I felt surrounded by many spirits – maybe they were Angels, I cannot tell for sure. While I was in their midst, every now and then I would investigate - who knows, I might feel at least the breath of my beloved; but as much as I did, I perceived nothing that would reveal the presence of my loving Good. Then, I felt a sweet breath coming from behind my shoulders, and immediately I cried out: ‘Jesus, my Lord!’

He answered: “Luisa, what do you want?”

‘Jesus, my beautiful One, come, do not remain behind my shoulders for I cannot see You. I have been waiting for You and investigating for the whole morning – who knows, I might see You amidst these angelic spirits that surrounded my bed. But I could not, therefore I feel very tired, because without You I cannot find rest. Come, for we will rest together.’ So Jesus placed Himself near me, and sustained my head.

Those spirits said: “Lord, how quickly she recognized You. Not even at your voice, but at your mere breath, immediately she called You.” Jesus answered them: “She knows Me, and I know her. She is so very dear to Me, like the pupil of my eyes.” And while He was saying this, I found myself in the eyes of Jesus. Who can say what I experienced, being in those most pure eyes? It is impossible to manifest it with words. The very Angels remained stunned.

May 7, 1899
Purity of intention in operating.

While I was doing my meditation during the day, Jesus kept making Himself seen near me, and He told me: “My Person is surrounded by all the works that souls do, as by a garment; and the more purity of intention and intensity of love they have, the more splendor they give Me, and I will give them more glory; so much so, that on the Day of Judgment I will show them to the whole world, to let the whole world know how my children have honored Me, and how I honor them.”

Assuming a more afflicted air, He added: “My daughter, what will happen to so many works, even good, done without an upright intention, out of habit and self-interest? What shame will not fall upon them on the Day of Judgment, in seeing so many works, good in themselves, but made rotten by their intention, such that, their very actions, instead of rendering honor to them, as to many others, will give them shame? In fact, I do not look at the greatness of the works, but at the intention with which they are done. Here is all my attention.”

Jesus kept silent for a little while, and I kept thinking about the words He had spoken while I was meditating within my mind, especially on the purity of intention, and on the fact that, when one does good to creatures, those same creatures must disappear, making the creature one with the Lord Himself, as if creatures did not exist.

Then Jesus continued, saying to me: “Yet, it is so. See, my Heart is so very large, but the door is extremely narrow. No one can fill the void of this Heart but souls who are detached, naked and simple. In fact, as you see, since the door is small, any hindrance, even the slightest – that is, a shadow of attachment, an intention which is not upright, a work done without the purpose of pleasing Me – prevents them from entering to delight in my Heart. Much love of neighbor enters my Heart, but it must be so united to mine as to form one single love, in such a way that one cannot be distinguished from the other. But as for the other love of neighbor which is not transformed into my love – I do not look at it as something that belongs to Me.”

May 9, 1899
Threat of chastisements. Jesus gives her His bitter breath.

This morning I was in a sea of affliction because of the loss of Jesus. After much hardship, Jesus came and drew so close to me, that I could not even see Him; He arrived at placing His forehead upon mine – His face was leaning just on mine; and so with all the other members.

Now, while Jesus was in this position, I said to Him: ‘My adorable Jesus, You don’t love me any more.’ And He: “If I did not love you, I would not be so close to you.’ And I continued: ‘How can You say that You love me if You no longer let me suffer as before? I am afraid I am not wanted in this state any more – at least free me from the bother of the confessor.’

While I was saying this, it seemed that Jesus would not pay attention to my words, but rather, He made me see a multitude of people, who were committing every kind of evil. Indignant with them, Jesus would make different kinds of contagious diseases swoop down into their midst, and many would die black like charcoal. It seemed that Jesus would exterminate that multitude of people from the face of the earth. While seeing this, I prayed Jesus to pour His bitternesses into me, so that He might spare the people, but He would not pay attention to me in this either; and replying to the words I had said before, He added: “The greatest chastisement I can give to you, to the priest, and to the people, would be to free you from this state of sufferings. My Justice would pour out in all Its fury, because It would find no opposition. This is so true, that the worse evil for someone is to be given an office and then to be removed from it. It would be better for him had he not been entrusted with that office, since, by abusing it and not profiting from it, he has rendered himself unworthy of it.”

Then, Jesus continued to come quite a few times today, but so afflicted as to move to pity and to tears - maybe even the stones. I tried to console Him as much as I could; now I would embrace Him, now I would sustain His head which was in great pain; now I would say to Him: ‘Heart of my heart, Jesus, it has never been your usual way to appear so afflicted to me. If other times You made Yourself seen afflicted, by pouring it into Me, immediately You have changed appearance; but now I am being denied giving You this relief. Who would have thought, after You have consented to pour and to share your sufferings with me for so long, and You Yourself did so much to dispose me, that now I would have to remain without it? Suffering for love of You was my only relief; it was suffering that made me endure my exile from Heaven. But now, being deprived of it, I feel I have no place on which to lean any more, and life becomes tedious to me. O please! Oh Holy Spouse, beloved Good, my dear Life, O please! - let the pains come back to me, give me suffering. Do not look at my unworthiness and my grave sins, but at your mercy, which has not exhausted itself.’

While I was pouring myself out with Jesus about this, He drew closer to me and told me: “My daughter, it is my Justice that wants to pour Itself out over the creatures. The number of sins in men is almost complete, and Justice wants to come out, to make pomp of Its fury, and to find reparation for the injustices of men. Here - to show you how embittered I am and to content you a little bit, I want to pour only my breath into you.” And so, drawing His lips close to mine, He sent me His breath, which was so bitter that I felt my mouth, my heart and my whole person being intoxicated. If His mere breath was so bitter, what must be the rest of Jesus? He left me with such pain, that I felt my heart being pierced through.

May 12, 1899
Jesus makes her content, pouring sweetnesses and bitternesses from His Side. She spends the day with Jesus.

This morning, my adorable Jesus, continuing to make Himself seen afflicted, transported me outside of myself, and showed me the various offenses He was receiving; and I began to pray again that He would pour His bitternesses into me. At the beginning, Jesus did not pay attention to me, and He just told me: “My daughter, only then is Charity perfect when it is done for the sole purpose of pleasing Me; and only then is it of the true kind and is it recognized by Me, when it is stripped of everything.”

Taking the occasion from His very words, I said to Him: ‘Jesus, my dear, it is precisely for this that I want You to pour your bitternesses into me – to be able to relieve You from so many pains; and if I pray You also to spare the creatures, it is because I remember well that on other occasions, after You had chastised the creatures, in seeing them suffer so much from poverty and other things, You too suffered very much. On the other hand, when I have been attentive and I have prayed You and importuned You to the point of tiring You, so much so that You were well pleased to pour it into me, sparing them, afterwards You have been very content about it. Don’t You remember? And besides, are they not your images?’

Seeing Himself persuaded, Jesus told me: “Because of you it is necessary to make you content – draw near Me and drink from my Side.” So I did; I drew near to drink from His Side, but instead of bitterness, I suckled a most sweet blood, which inebriated all of me with love and with sweetness. Yes, I was content, but this was not my intention; so, turning to Him, I said: ‘My dear Good, what are You doing? What comes out is not bitter, but sweet. O please! I pray You, pour your own bitternesses into me.’ And Jesus, looking at me benignly, told me: “Keep drinking, for the bitter will come after it.”

So, I attached myself to His Side again, and after the sweet kept coming for a while, the bitter also came. But who can say the intensity of the bitterness? After I was satiated from drinking, I rose, and looking at His head, which had the crown of thorns, I removed it and I drove it onto my head. Jesus seemed to be all compliant, while other times He had not permitted this. How beautiful it was to see Jesus after He had poured His bitternesses! He seemed almost disarmed, without strength, but all meek, like a humble little lamb – all compliant. I realized that it was very late, but since the confessor had come early in the morning to call me to obedience, it wasn’t that I knew that I was to be called by obedience, for at the obedience Jesus leaves me free. So, turning to Him, I said: ‘Most sweet Jesus, do not allow that I be of trouble to my family and of bother to the confessor by having him come again; O please! I beg You, You Yourself, let me return into myself.’ Jesus told me: “My daughter, today I do not want to leave you.” And I: ‘I too do not have the heart to leave You, but, just for a little while, the time to let my family see that I am inside myself, and then we will return to be together.” So, after a long differing, saying good-bye to each other, He left me for a little while. It was exactly lunchtime, and my family was just coming to call me. But even though I felt myself inside myself, I felt all full of suffering, my head would not hold up. The bitter and the sweet that I drank from the Side of Jesus gave me such satiety and suffering together, that it was impossible for me to take anything else. The word I had given to Jesus kept me on tenterhooks; so, with the pretext that my head was aching, I said to my family: ‘Let me be alone, for I don’t want anything.’

So I was left free again, and immediately I began to call my sweet Jesus; and He, always benign, came back. But who can say what happened to me today; how many graces Jesus gave to my soul; how many things He made me understand? It is impossible to express it with words. Then, after staying for a long time, in order to calm my sufferings, Jesus poured a sweet milk from His mouth, and then, around evening, He left me, giving me His word that He would come back soon. And so I found myself inside myself again, but a little bit more free of sufferings.

May 16, 1899
The virtue of the cross. Stripping oneself of one’s own will.

Jesus continued for a few more days to manifest Himself in the same way – not wanting to detach from me. It seemed that that little bit of sufferings He had poured into me attracted Him so much, that He could not be without me. This morning He poured a little bit more of bitterness from His mouth into mine, and then He told me: “The cross disposes the soul to patience. The cross opens Heaven, and unites Heaven and earth together – that is, God and the soul. The virtue of the cross is powerful, and when it enters into a soul, it has the virtue of removing the rust of all earthly things. Not only this, but it causes her boredom, bother and contempt for the things of the earth, giving her, instead, the flavor, the enjoyment, of celestial things. However, few are those who recognize the virtue of the cross; therefore they despise it.”

Who can say how many things I comprehended about the cross while Jesus was speaking? The speaking of Jesus is not like ours, in which one understands only as much as is said. But rather, one single word leaves an immense light, such that, in ruminating well on it, one could remain occupied the whole day in most profound meditation. Therefore, if I wanted to tell everything I would be too long, and I would also lack the time to do it.

After a little while, Jesus came back again, but a little more afflicted. I immediately asked the reason for it, and Jesus showed me many devout souls, and told me: “My daughter, what I look at in the soul is when she strips herself of her will. Only then does my Will invest her, divinize her, and make her all mine. Take a look at these souls who call themselves devout - as long as things go their way. Then, one little thing – if their confessions are not long enough, if the confessor does not satisfy them – is enough for them to lose peace; and some reach the point of not wanting to do anything any more. This says that it is not my Will that predominates in them, but their own. Be certain, oh my daughter, that they have taken the wrong way, because when I see that they really want to love Me, I have many ways to give my grace.” How pitiful it was to see Jesus suffer for this kind of people. I tried to compassionate Him as much as I could; and so it ended.

May 19, 1899
Humility is the safeguard of the celestial favors.

This morning I felt a fear in me that it might not be Jesus, but the devil, who wanted to deceive me. Jesus came, and seeing me with this fear, He said to me: “Humility is the safeguard of the celestial favors. Humility clothes the soul with such safety that the tricks of the devil cannot penetrate inside of her. Humility places all celestial graces in safety, so much so, that when I see humility, I let flow, abundantly, any kind of celestial favors. Therefore, do not want to disturb yourself for this, but rather, with simple eye, look always into your interior, to see whether you are invested with beautiful humility; and all the rest – do not bother about anything.”

Then He showed me many religious people and, among these, priests - even of holy life. But as good as they were, there wasn’t in them that spirit of simplicity in believing in the many graces and the many ways that the Lord uses with souls. And Jesus said to me: “I communicate Myself both to the humble and to the simple, because they immediately believe in my graces and take them into great consideration, though they may be ignorant and poor. But with these others that you see, I am very reluctant, because the first step which draws the soul near Me is belief; and it happens that these ones, with all their science and doctrine, and even holiness, never experience a ray of celestial light – that is, they walk along the natural way, and they never arrive at touching, even slightly, that which is supernatural. This is also the reason for which in the course of my mortal life there was not one learned, one priest, one man of power, among my followers, but all ignorant and of low condition – because these were more humble and simple, and also more disposed to make great sacrifices for Me.”

May 23, 1899
The virtue of sweetness. Detachment from all things and from oneself.

This time my adorable Jesus wanted to play a little bit. He would come, He would show He wanted to listen to me, but as I would begin to speak, He would disappear from me like a flash. Oh! God, what pain. While my heart was swimming in this most bitter pain of Jesus’ distance, and it was still almost a little restless, Jesus came back again, telling me: “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? More peaceful, more calm. Speak, speak, what do you want?” But the moment I spoke, He disappeared.

I did as much as I could to calm myself, but – no, after a while my heart returned to being unable to give itself peace, without its only and sole comfort; and maybe more than before. Coming back again, Jesus told me: “My daughter, sweetness has the virtue of making things change their nature; it knows well how to convert bitter into sweet. Therefore, more sweet, more sweet.” But He gave me no time to say a word. This is how I spent this morning.

After this, I felt I was outside of myself, together with Jesus. There were many people; some aspired to riches, some to honor, some to glory, and some even to sanctity, and many other things – but not for God, but rather, to be held in great esteem by creatures. Turning to them, shaking His head, Jesus said to them: “Foolish you are – you are working your own net to entangle yourselves.”

Then, turning to me, He told me: “My daughter, this is why the first thing I so much recommend is detachment from all things, and also from oneself. When the soul has detached herself from everything, she does not need to pluck up her strength in order to stay away from all the things of the earth which, of their own, come around her; but seeing themselves ignored - even more, despised - saying good-bye to her, they take leave of her to bother her no more.”

May 26, 1899
Contempt of oneself must be united to Faith.

This morning, I was in such a state of annihilation of myself, to the point of feeling obnoxious and irritated. It seemed to me that I was the most abominable being that could be found. I saw myself like a little worm that tossed and turned, but remained always there – in the mud, unable to take one step. Oh! God, what human misery. Yet, after so many graces given to me, I am still so bad!

My good Jesus, always benign with this miserable sinner, came and told me: “Contempt of yourself is praiseworthy when it is well invested by the spirit of Faith; but when it is not invested by the spirit of Faith, instead of doing you good, it can harm you. In fact, in seeing yourself as you are, unable to do anything good, you will be discouraged, disheartened, without daring to take one step on the path of good. But by leaning on Me – that is, by investing yourself with the spirit of Faith – you will come to know and despise yourself, and at the same time, to know Me, confident of being able to do anything with my help. And here is how, by acting in this way, you will walk according to the truth.”

How much good these words of Jesus did to my soul! I comprehended that I must enter into my nothingness and know who I am, but I must not stop there. Rather, immediately after I have known myself, I must fly into the immense sea of God, and stay there, to draw all the graces that my soul needs; otherwise, my nature remains weakened and the devil will look for means in order to cast it into discouragement. May the Lord be always blessed, and may everything be for His glory.

May 31, 1899
Oppositions serve so that the truth may shine more in its own time.

This morning, as I was in my usual state, my adorable Jesus came, and at that very moment I saw the confessor. Jesus appeared a little disappointed with him, because it seemed that the confessor wanted everyone to approve that my case was the work of God, and almost wanted to convince by manifesting something of my interior to other priests.

Jesus turned to the confessor and said to him: “This is impossible. Even I received oppositions, and from people among the most distinguished, and also from priests and other dignities. They found fault with my holy works, to the point of stigmatizing Me as possessed by the devil. But I permit these oppositions, even from religious people, so that the truth may shine more in its own time. If you want to consult with two or three priests among the most good and holy, and also learned, in order to receive enlightenment and also to do what I want in the things to be done - such as advice from the good and prayer - this, I permit. But the rest - no, no. It would be like wanting to spoil my works and expose them to mockery - which displeases Me very much.”

Then He said to me: “What I want from you is an upright and simple operating. Do not bother about the pros and cons of the creatures; let them think what they want, without being the least troubled, since wanting that all be favorable is like wanting to deviate from the imitation of my Life.”

June 2, 1899
The greatest favor for a soul is to make her know herself.

This morning, my most sweet Jesus wanted to make me touch my nothingness with my own hands. In the act in which He made Himself seen, the first words He directed to me were: “Who am I, and who are you?” In these two words I saw two immense lights: in one I comprehended God, in the other I saw my misery, my nothingness. I saw myself as nothing but a shadow, like the shadow that the sun forms in irradiating the earth: it is dependent on the sun, and as the sun moves from it to other places, the shadow ceases to exist outside of its splendor. The same for my shadow – that is, my being: it is dependent on the mystical Sun, God, who can undo this shadow in one simple instant. What to say, then, about how I have deformed this shadow that the Lord has given me, which is not even my own? The mere thought of it is horrifying: stinking, putrid, all verminous. Yet, in such a horrid state I was forced to stand before a God so holy. Oh! how content I would be if I could hide myself in the darkest abysses.

After this, Jesus told me: “The greatest favor I can do to a soul is to make her know herself. The knowledge of self and the knowledge of God go together; the more you know yourself, the more you know God. The soul who has known herself, seeing that she can do nothing good by herself, transforms this shadow of her being in God, and it happens that in God she does all her operations. It happens that the soul is in God and walks beside Him, without looking, without investigating, without speaking – in a word, as if she were dead. In fact, knowing the depth of her nothingness, she does not dare to do anything by herself, but she blindly follows the trajectory of the operations of the Word.”

It seems to me that to a soul who knows herself it happens as to those people who travel in a steamer: in moving from one point to another, without taking a step of their own, they make long journeys, but everything by virtue of the steamer that transports them. In the same way, the soul, by placing herself in God, just like the people in the steamer, makes sublime flights on the way of perfection, fully knowing, however, that it is not because of her, but by virtue of that blessed God who carries her within Himself. Oh! how the Lord favors, enriches, concedes the greatest graces, knowing that she attributes everything, not to herself, but to Him. Oh! soul who know yourself – how fortunate you are!

June 3, 1899
Jesus pours His bitternesses.

This morning, I was in a sea of affliction, for Jesus had not yet come; I felt such pain that I felt my heart being ripped out. When the confessor came to call me to obedience, as he had to celebrate Holy Mass, Jesus did not let even a shadow of Himself be seen, as He usually does. In fact, when He does not come, He lets His hand or His arm be seen; and especially on a day in which I receive Communion, as this morning, He Himself comes, He purifies me, and prepares me to receive Him sacramentally.

I said to myself: ‘Holy Spouse, lovable Jesus, how is this? Aren’t You coming to prepare me Yourself? How can I receive You?’ But, meanwhile, the time came, the confessor arrived, but Jesus did not come at all. What a harrowing pain - how many bitter tears!

The confessor told me: “You will see Him at Communion, and out of obedience you will ask Him why He does not come and what He wants from you.”

So, after Communion I saw my good Jesus, always benign with this miserable sinner. He transported me outside of myself, and I was holding Him in my arms; He was a child, all afflicted. Immediately I began to say: ‘My little Child, my sole and only Good, how is it that You do not come? In what have I offended You? What do You want from me that You make me cry so much?’ And in the act of saying this, the pain was so great, that even though I was holding Him in my arms, I kept crying. But even before I finished speaking the last word, drawing His mouth close to mine, Jesus poured His bitternesses, without answering a word. When He would stop pouring, I would start speaking again, but Jesus would not pay attention to me, and would begin to pour again. After this, without answering anything of what I wanted, He told me: “Let Me pour into you, otherwise, just as I have destroyed other places with the hail, so will I destroy your area. Therefore, let Me pour, and do not think about anything else.” And so it ended, without telling me anything else.

June 5, 1899
The operating of Jesus is not hasty, but all in its time. The health of the confessor.

My state of annihilation still continues – but such that I did not dare to say a word to my beloved Jesus. However, this morning, having compassion for my miserable state, He Himself wanted to cheer me; and here is how: as He made Himself seen, and I felt all annihilated and ashamed before Him, Jesus drew near me, but so close, that it seemed to me that He was in me and I in Him; and He told me: “My beloved daughter, what’s wrong that you are so afflicted? Tell Me everything, for I will content You, and will remedy everything.”

Since I continued to see myself the way I described above the other day, in seeing myself so bad, I did not even dare to tell Him anything. But Jesus repeated: “Come, come, tell Me what you want – do not hesitate.” Seeing myself almost forced, bursting into flooding tears, I said to Him: “Holy Jesus, how do You want me not to be afflicted – after so many graces, I should no longer be so bad. Sometimes, even in the good works that I try to do, in the very prayers, I mix so many defects and imperfections, that I myself feel horror. What must it be before You, who are so perfect and holy? And then, the suffering, so very scarce compared to before, your long delays in coming – everything tells me in clear notes that my sins, my awful ingratitudes, are the cause of it, and that You, indignant with Me, deny me also that daily bread which You generally concede to everyone, which is the cross. So, You will end up abandoning me completely. Can there perhaps be a greater affliction than this?’ Jesus, all compassion for me, pressed me to His Heart and told me: “Do not fear, this morning we will do things together; in this way I will make up for your things.”

So, first it seemed that Jesus contained a fount of water and another of blood within His breast, and in those two fountains He plunged my soul – first in the water, and then in the blood. Who can say how purified and embellished my soul became? Then we began to pray together, reciting three Glory Be’s, and He told me that He was doing this to make up for my prayers and adorations to the Majesty of God. Oh! how beautiful and touching it was to pray together with Jesus. After this, Jesus told me: “Don’t let yourself be afflicted by the lack of suffering. Do you want to anticipate the hour established by Me? My operating is not hasty, but all in its time. We will accomplish everything, but at the appropriate time.”

Then, afterwards, because of a fully providential circumstance, unexpectedly, since the Viaticum had come out of the church for other sick people, I too received Communion. Who can say, afterwards, everything that passed between me and Jesus - the kisses, the caresses that Jesus gave me? It is impossible to say everything. After Communion, I seemed to see the Sacred Host, and in the Host I could see, now the mouth of Jesus, now His eyes, now one hand, and then He showed all of Himself. He transported me outside of myself, and I found myself, now in the vault of the heavens, now on earth in the midst of men, but always together with Jesus. Every now and then He would repeat: “Oh! how beautiful you are, my beloved. If you knew how much I love you…. And you, how much do you love Me?”

On hearing these words being spoken to me, I experienced such confusion that I felt myself dying; but in spite of this, I had the courage to say to Him: ‘Jesus, my beautiful One, yes, I love You very much. And You, if You really love me much, tell me also: do You forgive me for all the evil I have done? But concede also suffering to me.’ And Jesus: “Yes, I forgive you, and I want to content you by pouring in abundance my bitternesses into you.” And so Jesus poured His bitternesses. It seemed to me that He had a fount of bitternesses in His Heart, received by the offenses of men, and most of it He poured out into me. Then Jesus told me: “Tell Me, what else do you want?”

And I: ‘Holy Jesus, I recommend to You my confessor – make him holy, and grant him also health of the body. And besides, is it fully your Will for this father to come?’ And Jesus: “Yes.” And I: ‘If it were your Will, You would let him be well.’ And He: “Be quiet, do not want to investigate my judgments too much.” At that very moment, He showed me the improvement in the health of the body and the sanctity of the soul of the confessor, and He added: “You want to be hasty, but I do everything at the right time.”

Then, I recommended to Him the people that belonged to me, and I prayed for sinners, saying to Jesus: ‘Oh! how I wish that my body would split into tiny little pieces, if only sinners would convert.’ And so I kissed the forehead, the eyes, the face, the mouth of Jesus, doing various adorations and reparations for the offenses that sinners gave Him. Oh! how content Jesus was - and so was I. Then, having Jesus promise to me that He would not leave me any more, I came back into myself; and so it ended.

June 8, 1899
Few are those who have the good will to be saved. Bitternesses and sweetnesses.

My adorable Jesus still continues to make Himself seen all benignity and sweetness. This morning, while I was together with Him, He repeated again: “Tell me, what do you want?” Immediately I said: ‘Jesus, my dear, what I would really want is that the whole world would convert.’ (What a request out of the blue). But, still, my loving Jesus told me: “I would content you if only everyone had the good will to be saved. Yet, to show you that I would gladly grant everything you have said, let us go together into the midst of the world, and all those whom we will find with the good will to be saved, as evil as they might be, I will give to you.”

So we went out into the midst of the people, to see who had the good will to be saved, but to our greatest disappointment, we found a number so very scarce, that it is pitiful even just to think about it. In this number, so very scarce, there was my confessor, the majority of priests and part of the faithful, but not everyone from Corato. Then He showed me the various offenses He was receiving; I prayed Him to let me share in His sufferings, and Jesus poured His bitternesses from His mouth into mine. After this, He told me: “My daughter, I feel my mouth too embittered. O please! I beg you to sweeten it.’

I said to Him: “I would gladly give You anything, but I have nothing. You Yourself, tell me, what can I give You?’ And He told me: “Let Me suckle milk from your breasts, for in this way you will be able to sweeten Me.” And in the very act of saying this, He lay down in my arms and began to suckle. While He was doing this, a fear came to me that it might not be Baby Jesus, but the devil; therefore I placed my hand on His forehead and I signed Him with the cross: ‘Per signum Crucis.’ Jesus looked at me all festive, and while still suckling, He smiled, and with His lively eyes He seemed to tell me: “I am not a demon, I am not a demon.”

After He seemed to be satiated, He got up, standing on my lap, and kissed me all over. Now, since I too felt my mouth bitter from the bitternesses He had poured into me, I felt the desire to suckle from the breasts of Jesus, but I did not dare to. But Jesus invited me to do it, and so I plucked up courage and I began to suckle. Oh! what sweetness of paradise came from that holy breast. But who can express it? Then I found myself inside myself, all inundated with sweetnesses and contentments.

Now I will explain that, when it happens that Jesus suckles from my breasts, the body does not participate in this at all; rather, it happens when I am outside of myself. It seems that this thing happens only between the soul and Jesus, and when He wants to do this, He is always a baby. It is so certain that it is only the soul and not the body, that, when this happens, I always find myself either in the vault of the heavens, or wandering through other points of the earth. Sometimes, then, I have said that as I returned to myself, I felt a pain at that place from which Baby Jesus had suckled, because in suckling, sometimes He would do it a little strongly, so much so, that it seemed that through that suckling He wanted to pull out my heart from inside my breast. Therefore I felt a sensible pain, and as I would return to myself, the soul would communicate it to the body.

Moreover, this happens also in other things, as for example when the Lord transports me outside of myself and lets me share in the crucifixion. Jesus Himself lays me on the cross, and pierces my hands and feet through with the nails. I feel such pain that I feel myself dying. Then, when I find myself inside myself, I feel it well in my body, so much so, as to be unable to move my fingers or my arm; and so with the other sufferings that the Lord shares with me - to say everything, I would be too long.

I also remember that when Jesus would suckle from my breasts, He would place His mouth there, but it is from my heart that I would feel Him draw whatever He suckled; so much so, that while He would do this, at times I have felt my heart being torn from my breast, and sometimes, feeling a most vivid pain, I said to Him: ‘My pretty little One, really, You are too impertinent! Do it more gently, for it hurts very much.” And He would laugh to Himself.

In the same way, when I am the one suckling from Jesus, it is from His Heart that I draw that milk, or blood; so much so that, for me, suckling from the breast of Jesus is the same as drinking from His side. I will add also another thing: since the Lord every now and then is pleased with pouring a most sweet milk from His mouth, or with letting me drink His most precious Blood from His side, then, when He does this, of wanting to suckle from me, He suckles nothing else but what He Himself has given me, because I have nothing with which to sweeten Him, but much with which to embitter Him. This is so true that, sometimes, in the very act in which He suckled from me, I suckled from Jesus, and I perceived clearly that what He was drawing from me was nothing other than what He Himself was giving me. It seems that I have explained myself enough, as much as I could.

June 9, 1899
Offences and dishonesties of men. Union of sufferings and of prayers.

I spent this morning very anguished because of the many offenses which I saw Him receive from men, especially because of certain horrendous dishonesties. How much the loss of souls grieved Jesus! More so, since it was a newborn baby that they were going to kill, without administering holy baptism to him. It seems to me that this sin weighs so much on the scale of Divine Justice, that it is the one that most cries out for revenge before God. Yet, these sorrowful scenes are renewed so very often. My most sweet Jesus was so afflicted as to arouse pity. Seeing Him in such a state, I did not dare to tell Him anything; and Jesus only said to me: “My daughter, unite your sufferings to mine, your prayers to mine, so that they may be more acceptable before the Majesty of God, and may appear not as your things, but as my own works.” Then He continued to make Himself seen other times, but always in silence. May the Lord be always blessed.

June 11, 1899
Light in order to comprehend Luisa.

My sweet Jesus continues to make Himself seen only very few times, and almost always in silence. I felt my mind all confused and full of fear that I might lose my sole and only Good, and about many other things, which it is not necessary to say here. Oh! God, what pain. While I was in this state, He made Himself seen for just a little; He seemed to carry a light, and from that light many other little globes of light were coming out. Jesus told me: “Remove every fear from your heart. See, I have brought you this globe of light to place it between you and Me, and among those who approach you. For those who approach you with an upright heart and to do good to you, these little globes of light that come out, will penetrate into their minds, will descend into their hearts, will fill them with joy and with celestial graces, and they will comprehend with clarity that which I operate in you. Those, then, who will come with other intentions, will experience the opposite, and will remain dazzled and confused by these little globes of light.” So I remained more tranquil. May everything be for the glory of God.

June 12, 1899
Jesus Himself prepares her for Communion.

This morning, having to receive Communion, I was praying good Jesus to come to prepare me Himself, before the confessor would come to celebrate Holy Mass. ‘Otherwise, how can I receive You, being so bad and not disposed?’ While I was doing this, my Jesus was pleased to come, and in the very act of seeing Him, it seemed to me that He did nothing but dart through me with His gazes, most pure and sparkling with light. Who can say what those penetrating gazes operated in me, letting not even the shadow of a tiny speck escape? It is impossible to be able to say it; rather, I would have wanted to let all this pass in silence, because the internal operations of grace can hardly be expressed with one’s mouth just as they are; rather, it seems that one would counterfeit them. But lady obedience does not want it, and when it is for her, one must close one’s eyes and surrender without saying anything else, otherwise – troubles everywhere. In fact, being a lady, of her own she makes herself be respected.

Therefore I continue telling: in the first gaze, I prayed Jesus to purify me, and so it seemed to me that everything that shadowed my soul was shaken off of it. In the second gaze, I prayed Him to illumine me, because, what good comes to a precious stone from being pure, if it is not sparkling so as to capture the gaze of those who look at it? They will look at it, yes, but with an indifferent eye. Much more was I in need of that light, which would not only render my soul resplendent, but would make me understand the great action I was about to do, since I was not only to be looked at, but identified with my sweet Jesus. Therefore, it was not enough for me to be purged, but also illumined. So, in that gaze Jesus seemed to penetrate through me, just as the light of the sun penetrates through crystal. After this, seeing that Jesus continued to look at me, I said to Him: ‘Most loving Jesus, since You were pleased to purge me first, and then to illumine me, be so kind now as to sanctify me; more so since, having to receive You, who are the Holy of Holies, it is not right that I be so different from You.’

So, always benign toward this miserable one, Jesus leaned toward me, took my soul in His arms, and seemed to retouch it all over with His own hands. Who can say what those touches of those creative hands operated in me? How my passions, at those touches, put themselves in their place! My desires, inclinations, affections, heartbeats and my other senses, sanctified by those divine touches, changed into something wholly other, and, united among themselves, no longer clashing as before, formed a sweet harmony for the hearing of my dear Jesus. It seemed to me that they were like many rays of light, which wounded His adorable Heart. Oh! how Jesus amused Himself, and what happy moments those have been for me. Ah! I experienced the peace of the saints. It was for me a paradise of contentments and of delights.

After this, Jesus seemed to clothe my soul with the garment of Faith, of Hope and of Charity, and in the very act of clothing me, Jesus whispered to me the way I was to exercise myself in these three virtues. Now, while I was doing this, unleashing another ray of light, Jesus made me understand my nothingness. Ah! I seemed to be like a grain of sand in the middle of a most extensive sea, which is God; and this little grain went to disperse itself inside that immense sea – but it was lost in God. Then He transported me outside of myself, carrying me in His arms, and kept whispering to me various acts of contrition for my sins. I only remember that I have been an abyss of iniquities. Lord, oh, how many awful ingratitudes I have had toward You!

While I was doing this, I looked at Jesus; He had the crown of thorns on His head. I stretched out my hand, and I removed it from Him, telling Him: ‘Give the thorns to me, oh! Jesus, for I am a sinner. The thorns befit me, not You, who are the Just One, the Holy One.’ So, Jesus Himself drove it onto my head.

Then, I don’t know how, I saw the confessor from afar. Immediately I prayed Jesus to go to prepare the confessor to be able to receive Him at Communion. And Jesus seemed to go to father. After a little while He came back and told me: “I want the way you deal with Me and with the confessor to be one; and I want the same from him - he must look at you and deal with you as if you were another Me, because, since you are victim as I was, I want no difference at all; and this, so that everything may be purged, and my love alone may shine in everything.”

I said to Him: ‘Lord, this seems impossible – that I may be able to deal with the confessor as one does with You, especially in seeing the instability.’ And Jesus: “Yet, it is so; true virtue, true love, makes everything disappear, destroys everything, and with an enchanting mastery makes God alone shine in all its operating, and it looks at everything in God.”

After this, the confessor came to call me to obedience and then celebrate Holy Mass; and so it ended. Then I listened to Holy Mass and I received Communion. Now, who can say the intimacy that passed between me and Jesus? It is impossible to be able to manifest it; I have no words to make myself understood, therefore I let it pass in silence.

June 14, 1899
Jesus wants to chastise the world.

This morning, most loving Jesus was not coming; in my interior I kept thinking: ‘How is it that He is not coming? What’s new? Yesterday He came so often, and today, the hour is getting late, and He has not even showed Himself yet. What heartbreak - what patience it takes with Jesus! It seemed to me that my whole interior was becoming all alarmed, for it wanted Jesus, and it waged such a war against me as to give me pains of death. My will, as though superior to everything, tried to bring peace by persuading my senses, inclinations, desires, affections and all the rest, to calm down, for Jesus would come. So, after long suffering, Jesus came, carrying a cup in His hand, full of blood, coagulated, putrefied and stinking; and He told me: “Do you see this cup of blood? I will pour it over the world.”

While He was saying this, Mama came, the Most Holy Virgin, and my confessor together with Her. They prayed Jesus not to pour it over the world, but to have me drink it. The confessor said to Him: “Lord, why keep her as victim if You do not want to pour it over her? I absolutely want You to let her suffer and to spare the people.”

Mama was crying, and insisted with Jesus, and with the confessor, that he should not give up praying until Jesus would be content with accepting the exchange. Jesus insisted that He wanted to pour it over the whole world, and at first He almost seemed to frown. I saw myself all confused; I was unable to say anything, because the sight of that cup full of blood, so ugly, was so horrifying, as to cause my whole nature to tremble. What would it be to drink it? However, I was resigned – if the Lord would give it to me, I would accept it. Who can say, then, the chastisements contained in that blood, if the Lord would pour it over the world? It seems that from this very day He keeps the hail prepared which will cause great damage, and it seems that it must continue in the following days.

Then, later on, Jesus seemed a little bit more calm, so much so, that He seemed to embrace the confessor because he had prayed Him in that way; however, without coming to any determination on whether He would pour it over the people or not. So it ended, leaving me an indescribable pain because of what may happen.

June 16, 1899
Chastisements are necessary in order to humiliate the creatures.

He still continues to make Himself seen with the intention to chastise; I prayed Him to pour His bitternesses into me, and to spare the whole world, and if this were not possible, to spare at least those who belong to me, and my town. The intention of the confessor also seemed to unite to this intention. So, it seemed that, conquered by the prayers, Jesus poured a little bit from His mouth - but not that cup mentioned above. This little bit that He poured, He seemed to pour in order to somehow spare my town, though not completely, and those who belong to me.

However, this morning, I myself have been a cause of affliction for Jesus. Since after He had poured some I saw Him more calm, without thinking I said to Him: “My lovable Jesus, I pray You to free me from the bother I cause to the confessor, of having Him come every day. What would it cost You to free me Yourself, releasing me from that state of sufferings Yourself, just as You Yourself put me in it? Indeed it would cost You nothing, and if You want, You can do anything.’ But while I was saying this, Jesus’ face turned so afflicted, that I felt that affliction penetrate deep into my inmost heart; and without telling me a word, He disappeared. How mortified I was left – only the Lord knows - thinking, especially, that He might not come any more. However, a little later He came back, but with greater affliction, with His face all swollen and full of blood from offenses He had just received. All sad, Jesus said: “Look at what they have done to Me – how can you say that you don’t want Me to chastise the creatures? Chastisements are necessary in order to humiliate them, and not to let them grow bolder.”

June 17, 1899
She does not want to take part in the chastisements.

It continues always in the same way, but this morning especially, I have done nothing but argue with my dear Jesus: He wanted to keep sending hail, as He did in these past days, and I did not want it. Then, all of a sudden, it seemed that a thunderstorm was getting ready, and He gave command to the demons to destroy several places with the scourge of hail. At that very moment, I saw the confessor calling me from afar, giving me the obedience to go to put the demons to flight, so that they might not do anything. As I went out to go there, Jesus came to meet me, making me turn back. I said to Him: ‘Blessed Lord, I can’t – it is obedience that called me, and You know that You and I must surrender to this virtue, without being able to oppose it.’

And Jesus: “Well then, I will do it for you.” And so He commanded the demons to go to places farther away, and not to touch, for now, the lands belonging to our town. Then He said to me: “Let’s go.” So we came back – I into my bed, and Jesus beside me. As we arrived, Jesus wanted to rest, saying that He was very tired. I stopped Him, saying to Him: “Who knows what is this sleep that You want to have now…. And then, a beautiful obedience You had me do! – You want to sleep. Is this the love You have for me, and the way You want to content me in everything? Do You want to sleep? Sleep then, as long as You give me your word that You won’t do anything.’ Then, being sorry for my discontent, He told me: “My daughter, yet, I would like to content you. Let us do it this way: let us go out together again into the midst of the people, and let us see who are those who need to be punished, and you want them to be, because of their wicked actions – who knows, under the scourge at least, they might surrender. And then, those who need less to be punished, and you don’t want them to be punished, I will spare.”

And I: ‘Lord, I give You thanks for your highest goodness in wanting to content me, but in spite of this I cannot do what You are telling me; I do not feel the strength to put my will in chastising any of your creatures. And then, what would the torment of my poor heart be, when I hear that this person or that other one was chastised, and I have put my will into it! May this never be – may this never be, Oh Lord.’ Then, the confessor came to call me into myself, and so it ended.

June 19, 1899
Instability in doing good.

Yesterday, having gone through a day of purgatory because of the almost total privation of my highest Good, and because of the many temptations that the devil put in me, it seemed to me I committed a lot of sins. Oh! God, what pain, to offend God.

This morning, as soon as I saw Jesus, immediately I said to Him: ‘Good Jesus, forgive me for the many sins I committed yesterday’; and I wanted to tell Him all the evil I felt I had done. Interrupting my speaking, He said to me: “If you make yourself disappear, you will never commit sins.”

I wanted to continue to speak, but Jesus, making me see many devout souls, and showing He did not want to hear what I wanted to tell Him, continued saying: “What most displeases Me about these souls is their instability in doing good. One little thing, one disappointment, even one defect, is enough; and while that is the time when it is most necessary for them to cling more to Me, they, instead, become irritated, they get disturbed, and they neglect the good which they had started. How many times I have prepared graces to give to them, but in seeing them so unstable, I have been forced to hold them back.”

Then, knowing that He did not want to hear anything of what I wanted to tell Him, and seeing that my confessor was not well in the body, I prayed at length for him, and I asked Jesus various questions, which it is not necessary to say here. And Jesus, benignly, answered everything; and so it ended.

June 20, 1899
The love with which Saint Aloysius operated.

It continues always in the same way. This morning, it seems that Jesus wanted to cheer me a little bit. After I had gone in search of Him for some time, I saw a child from afar, like lightning that falls down from heaven; so I ran up to him, and as I arrived, I took him in my arms. A doubt came to me that it might not be Jesus, so I said to him: ‘My dear little treasure, tell me a little bit - who are you?’ And He: “I am your dear and beloved Jesus.” And I to Him: ‘My beautiful little Baby, I pray You to take my heart and bring it with You to Paradise, for after the heart, the soul too will come.’ Jesus seemed to take my heart, and He united it so much to His own that they became one.

Afterwards, Heaven opened; it seemed that a very great feast was being prepared. At that very moment a young man of lovely appearance came down from Heaven, all dazzling with fire and flames. Jesus told me: “Tomorrow is the feast of my dear Aloysius – I must go attend.” And I: ‘And then You leave me alone – what shall I do?’ And He: “You too will come. Look at how beautiful Aloysius is; but what was greatest in him, which distinguished him on earth, was the love with which he operated. Everything was love in him - love occupied his interior, love surrounded him externally; so, one can say that even his breath was love. This is why it is said of him that he never suffered distraction – because love inundated him everywhere, and with this love he will be inundated eternally, as you see.”

And in fact it seemed that the love of Saint Aloysius was so very great, as to be able to burn the whole world to ashes. Then Jesus added: “I stroll upon the highest mountains, and there I form my delight.” Since I did not understand the meaning of it, He continued, saying: “The highest mountains are the Saints who have loved Me the most, and in them I form my delight, both when they are on earth, and when they pass into Heaven. So, everything is in love.”

After this, I prayed Jesus to bless me and those whom I was seeing at that moment; and He, giving His blessing, disappeared.

June 21, 1899
Jesus says: “For love of you I will not leave Corato”. Jesus jokes with Luisa.

Since He was not coming, I kept thinking to myself: ‘Who knows whether Jesus will not come any more, leaving me in abandonment.’ And I would say nothing but, ‘Come my beloved, come…’. All of a sudden He came and told me: “I will not leave you, never will I abandon you. You too – come, come to Me.” Immediately I ran to place myself in His arms, and while I was like this, Jesus continued, saying: “Not only will I not leave you, but for love of you I will not leave Corato.”

Then, almost without my realizing it, in one instant He disappeared. I remained with a yearning for Him, more than before, and I kept saying: ‘What have You done to me? How is it - so quickly have You gone away from me, without even saying good-bye?’ While I was pouring out my pain, the image of Baby Jesus which I have near me, seemed to become alive, and every now and then He would put out His head from inside the glass bell to see what I was doing; and when He would see that I noticed it, immediately He would go back inside. I said to Him: ‘It shows that You are too impertinent, and that You want to act like a child. I feel I’m going mad with pain because You are not coming, and You are there playing. Well then, go ahead, play and joke, for I will have patience.’

June 22, 1899
Luisa does not let Jesus sleep.

This morning my sweet Jesus wanted to continue to play His little games with me, and to joke. He would come, He would place His hands on my face in act of wanting to caress me, but as He was about to do it, He would disappear. Then, again, He would come, He would stretch out His arms around my neck in act of wanting to embrace me, but as I stretched out my arms to embrace Him, He would escape me like a flash, and I could not find Him. Who can say the pains of my heart? While my heart was swimming in this sea of immense sorrow, to the point of feeling life failing me, Queen Mama came, carrying Him in Her arms as a child; and so we embraced, the three of us together – the Mama, the Son, and I. So, I could have the time to say to Him: ‘My Lord Jesus, it seems to me that You have withdrawn your grace from me.’ And He: “Silly – silly little one that you are! How can you say that I have withdrawn my grace when I am within you? And what is my grace if not Myself?” I remained more confounded than before, seeing that I didn’t know how to speak, and that in those two words I had uttered, I had spoken nothing but nonsense. Afterwards, the Queen Mother disappeared, and Jesus seemed to enclose Himself inside my interior, and there He remained.

Today, then, during the meditation, He made Himself seen sleeping inside of me. I was looking at Him, delighting in His beautiful face, but without waking Him up, content with at least seeing Him, when, in one instant, the beautiful Queen Mama came again; She took Him from within my heart, stirring Him all over, hurriedly, so as to wake Him up. After He woke up, She placed Him in my arms again, telling me: “My daughter, don’t let Him sleep, for if He does, you will see what happens.” A thunderstorm was preparing. Half asleep, the Baby stretched out His little hands around my neck, and squeezing me, He said to me: “My mama, my mama, let me sleep.” And I: ‘No no, no no my beautiful One, I am not the one who does not want to let You sleep; it is our Lady Mama that does not want it, and I pray You to content Her. It is certain that nothing can be denied to a mama – and then, to that Mother!’ After I kept Him in vigil for a little while, He disappeared; and so it ended.

June 23, 1899
Luisa sees the confessor together with Jesus, and prays for him.

After I listened to Holy Mass and received Communion, my loving Jesus made Himself seen from inside my heart; then I felt myself going outside of myself, but without Jesus. I saw my confessor, and since he had told me, “Our Lord will come after Communion, and you will pray to Him for me”, so, as I saw my confessor, I said to him: ‘Father, you told me that Jesus was going to come, but He has not come.’ He said to me: “It is because you don’t know how to look for Him – this is why you say that He has not come. Look well, for He is there in your interior.”

I went about looking inside of me, and I saw the feet of Jesus, which had come out from within my interior. Immediately I seized them with my hand, and I pulled Jesus out. I embraced the whole of Him, and seeing Him with the crown of thorns on His head, I removed it from Him and I placed it in the hand of the confessor, telling him to drive it onto my head; and so he did. But – no, as hard as he tried, he could not manage to make a single thorn penetrate. I said to him: ‘Do it harder – don’t be afraid that I might suffer much, because, as you see, there is Jesus here that gives me strength.’

But as much as he tried, it all turned out impossible. So he said to me: “It is not my strength to do this; and also because it is into bones that these thorns must penetrate – it is not my strength to be able to do it.” So I turned to my sweet Jesus, saying: ‘You see how father does not know how to put it on – do it Yourself a little bit.’ And so Jesus stretched out His hands, and in one instant He made all those thorns penetrate into my head, to my unspeakable pain and contentment.

After this, the confessor and I, together, prayed Jesus to pour His bitternesses[2], so as to spare people the so many scourges that He is pouring upon them, as He seemed to do today, since hail was ready to come down not too far from us; and the Lord, to condescend to our prayers, did pour a little bit.

In addition to this, since I continued to see the confessor, I began to pray Jesus for him, saying to Him: ‘My good and dear Jesus, I pray You to grant grace to my confessor, to make him all yours, according to your Heart, and to give him also corporal health. You have seen how he cooperated both in relieving your head from the thorns, and in having You pour. If he could not manage to drive the thorns into my head, it wasn’t for the purpose of not relieving You, nor was it his will, but because it was not his strength; therefore, also because of this You must answer him. So, tell me, oh my sole and only Good, will You let him be well, both in the soul and in the body?’ Jesus heard me, but would not answer me. I would pray Him with greater solicitude, saying: ‘This morning I will not leave You, nor will I stop praying, if You do not give me your word that You will grant what I ask of You for him’; but Jesus would not say a word.

Then, all of a sudden, we found ourselves surrounded by people; they seemed to be sitting around a table, eating, and there was also my portion. Jesus told me: “My daughter, I am hungry.” And I: ‘I give You my portion, aren’t You happy?’ And Jesus: “Yes, but I do not want to be seen, that I am here.” And I: ‘Well then, I will pretend that I take it for myself, and without letting myself be noticed, I will give it to You.’ And so we did.

After a little while, standing up and drawing His lips close to my face, Jesus began to play something like the sound of a trumpet from His mouth. All those people turned pale and trembled, saying among themselves: “What is this? What is this? Now we die!” I said to Him: ‘Lord, my Jesus, what are You doing? How is this? Up until now You did not want to be seen, and now You start playing. Be quiet, be quiet – don’t make people scared; don’t You see how they are all frightened?’ And Jesus: “This is nothing yet – what will happen when, all of a sudden, I will play even louder? They will be caught by such fear, that many upon many will lose their lives.” And I: ‘My adorable Jesus, what are You saying? You always go there: that You want to do justice; but – no! Mercy! Mercy, I pray, on your people.’

Then, as Jesus assumed His sweet and benign appearance, and I continued to see the confessor, I began to importune Him again; and Jesus told me: “I will make your confessor like a grafted tree, such that the old tree can no longer be recognized – both in the soul and in the body; and as pledge of this, I have placed you in his hands as victim, that he may take advantage of it.”

June 25, 1899
Three spiritual joys of Faith.

This morning, Jesus continued to make Himself seen every now and then, sharing a little bit of His sufferings with me, and sometimes the confessor also appeared with Him. Since he had told me to pray for certain needs of his, in seeing him together with Our Lord I began pray Jesus to grant him what he wanted.

While I was praying Him, all goodness, Jesus turned to the confessor and said to him: “I want Faith to inundate you everywhere, like those boats that are inundated by the waters of the sea. And since I Myself am Faith, as you are inundated by Me, who possess everything, can do everything and give freely to those who trust in Me, without your thinking of what will come, of when it will, and of how you will do it, I Myself will be there to assist you according to your needs.”

Then He added: “If you exercise yourself in this Faith, almost swimming in It, as recompense I will infuse three spiritual joys in your heart: first, you will penetrate the things of God with clarity, and in doing holy things you will feel inundated by a joy, by such gladness, as to feel as though soaked with it; and this is the unction of my grace. The second is boredom for earthly things, and you will feel in your heart joy for celestial things. The third is total detachment from everything, and there where you felt inclination in the past, you will feel bother; this I have been infusing in your heart for some time, and you are already experiencing it. And because of this, your heart will be inundated by the joy which the naked souls enjoy, who have their hearts so inundated with my love, that they receive no impression from the things that surround them externally.”

July 4, 1899
Jesus speaks about disturbance.

This morning, as Jesus renewed in me the pains of the crucifixion, our Queen Mama also was present, and Jesus, speaking of Her, said: “My own Kingdom was in the Heart of my Mother; and this, because Her Heart was never disturbed even slightly; so much so, that in the immense sea of the Passion, She suffered immense pains, Her Heart was pierced through by the sword of sorrow, but She did not receive the slightest breath of disturbance. Therefore, since my Kingdom is Kingdom of peace, I was able to extend my Kingdom within Her, and to reign freely without any obstacle.”

As Jesus kept coming other times, seeing myself all full of sins, I said to Him: ‘My Lord Jesus, I feel I am all covered with wounds and grave sins. O please! I beg You – have pity on this miserable one!’ And Jesus: “Do not fear, for there are no grave sins; and besides, one must have horror for sin, but not become disturbed, because agitation, wherever it comes from, never does good to the soul.” Then He added: “My daughter, you are victim, as I am; let all your works shine with the same intentions as mine, pure and holy, so that, finding my own image in you, I may freely pour the influence of my graces, and I may offer you, adorned in this way, as fragrant victim before Divine Justice.”

July 9, 1899
Jesus shares His pains in order to continue His Passion.

This morning, Jesus wanted to renew the pains of the crucifixion. First He transported me outside of myself, up on a mountain, and He asked me whether I wanted to be crucified. And I: ‘Yes, my Jesus, I yearn for nothing but the cross.’

As I was saying this, a huge cross appeared; He laid me upon it, and nailed me to it with His own hands. What atrocious pains I suffered in feeling my hands and feet being pierced through by those nails; and what’s more, they were blunt, and it was very difficult and painful to make them penetrate; but with Jesus everything was tolerable. After He finished crucifying me, He told me: “My daughter, I make use of you in order to continue my Passion. Since my glorified body can no longer be capable of suffering, by coming into you, I make use of your body just as I used mine during the course of my mortal life, to be able to continue to suffer my Passion, and therefore to be able to offer you as living victim of reparation and propitiation before Divine Justice.”

After this, it seemed that Heaven opened and a multitude of Saints came down, all armed with swords. A voice like thunder came out from within that multitude, saying: “We come to defend the Justice of God, and to take revenge on men, who have so much abused His Mercy!” Who can say what was happening on earth at this descent of the Saints? I can only say that some were fighting at one point, some at another; some were fleeing, and some were hiding. It seemed that all were in dismay.

July 14, 1899
Jesus cannot leave one who loves Him.

These days, my adorable Jesus continues to make Himself seen very few times; His visit is like a flash - while one would want to keep looking, it is already gone; and if sometimes He stays for a little while, it is almost always in silence. Other times, He says something, but the moment He goes away, it seems to me that He withdraws that word, together with the light that comes to me from His word; so much so, that afterwards I no longer remember anything of what He said - my mind remains in the same confusion as before. What miserable state! My dear Jesus, have pity on this miserable one – continue to make use of your mercy!

So, in order not to be too long, saying what happened to me day by day, I will now say, all at once, a few words that He told me in these past days.

I remember that, after I had shed most bitter tears, Jesus made Himself seen, and since I lamented to Him that He had left me, Jesus called to Himself many Angels and Saints, and turning to them, He said: "Listen to what she says – that I have left her. Tell her a little bit – can I leave those who love Me? She has loved Me – how can I leave her?” The Saints were in agreement with the Lord, and I remained more humiliated and confounded than before.

Another time, after I said to Him: ‘In the end You will end up leaving me completely’, Jesus said to me: “Daughter, I cannot leave you, and as a pledge of this I have placed my sufferings in you.” Then, while I was occupied with this thought: ‘How is it, Lord, that You have permitted the coming of the confessor? Everything could have passed between me and You’ - in one instant, I found myself outside of myself, lying on a cross, but there was no one who could nail me to it. I began to pray the Lord to come to crucify me Himself, and Jesus came and told me: “See how necessary it is for the priest to be in the middle of my works - and this is still help to complete the crucifixion. Indeed, without anyone else, you cannot crucify yourself by yourself; it always takes the help of others.”

July 18, 1899
How Sacramental Jesus and the soul draw and bind each other.

It continues almost always in the same way. This time it seemed to me that in my heart there was Sacramental Jesus, and from the Holy Host He spread many rays in my interior; and many threads came out of my heart, which intertwined with all those rays of light. It seemed to me that Jesus, with His love, would draw the whole of my heart to Himself; and my heart, with those threads, would draw and bind the whole of Jesus to stay with me.

July 22, 1899
How the cross renders the soul transparent. How to avoid the precipice.

This morning my adorable Jesus made Himself seen with a golden cross, all resplendent, hanging from His neck, and in looking at it, He was immensely pleased. In one instant the confessor was there present, and Jesus said to him: “The sufferings of these past days have increased the splendor of the cross; so much so, that in looking at it, I take great delight.”

Then He turned to me and told me: “The cross communicates such splendor to the soul as to render her transparent; and just as, when an object is transparent, one can give it all the colors he wants, in the same way, with its light, the cross gives all features and the most beautiful shapes that can possibly be imagined, not only by others, but by the very soul who experiences them. Furthermore, on a transparent object one immediately detects the dust, the little stains, and even a shadow. Such is the cross: since it renders the soul transparent, it immediately reveals to the soul the little defects, the slightest imperfections, so much so, that there is no masterly hand more capable than the cross in keeping the soul prepared, to render her a worthy dwelling of the God of Heaven.” Who can say what I comprehended about the cross, and how enviable is the soul who possesses it?

After this, He transported me outside of myself, and I found myself at the top of a staircase, extremely high, which had a precipice under it, and, what’s more, the steps of this staircase were movable and so narrow that one could barely put the tips of his toes on it. What terrified the most was the precipice, and the fact that one could find no support whatsoever, and if one tried to cling to the steps, they would come off. The sight of other people, almost all of them falling, put a shiver in the bones. Yet, there was no other way than going through that staircase. So I tried; but after going up only two or three steps, seeing the great danger for me of falling into the abyss, I began to call Jesus to come to my aid. Not knowing how, I found Jesus near me, and He told me: “My daughter, what you have seen is the path which all men go through on this earth. The movable steps, on which they cannot even lean to find support, are the human supports, earthly things, which are such that, if one tries to lean on them, instead of giving him help, they give him a push to fall more quickly into hell. The safest means is to climb almost flying, without touching the ground, by force of one’s arms, with eyes all fixed on oneself - without looking at others, and also by keeping them all intent on Me, in order to receive help and strength. In this way one can easily avoid the precipice.”

July 28, 1899
The cross is the noblest mark in the soul.

This morning, my adorable Jesus came with an appearance all admirable and mysterious. He was wearing a chain around His neck, hanging over His whole breast. At one end of the chain, one could see something like a bow; at the other end, something like a quiver full of precious stones and gems, which formed an ornament of the most beautiful sort on the breast of my sweet Jesus. He also had a lance in His hand. While in this appearance, He told me: “The human life is a game; some play pleasure, some play money; some, their own lives, and many other games that they play. I too delight in playing with souls; but what are these jokes that I make? They are the crosses which I send. If they receive them with resignation and they thank Me for them, I amuse Myself and I play with them, delighting immensely, receiving great honor and glory, and letting them make the greatest gains.”

As He was saying this, He began to touch me with the lance; from the bow and the quiver came out all those precious stones that were contained in it, and they turned into many crosses and arrows that wounded the creatures. Some of them, but extremely few, rejoiced, kissed them, and thanked Him, engaging in a game with Jesus; others then, would take them and throw them in His face. Oh! how afflicted was Jesus left, and what a great loss for those souls! Then Jesus added: “This is the thirst which I cried out on the Cross, such that, unable to quench it entirely at that time, I delight in continuing to quench it in the souls of my dear ones who suffer. So, when you suffer, you come to give a refreshment to my thirst.”

As He came other times, and I prayed Him to free the confessor, who was suffering, He told me: “My daughter, don’t you know that the noblest mark I can impress in my dear children is the cross?”

July 30, 1899
Do not judge your neighbor.

It continues almost always in the same way. This morning, as Jesus transported me outside of myself according to His usual way, we passed through the midst of many people, and the majority of them were intent on judging other people’s actions, without looking at their own. My beloved Jesus told me: “The surest means to be upright with one’s neighbor is to not look at all at what they are doing, because looking, thinking and judging is all the same. Besides, by looking at his neighbor, one comes to defraud his own soul; therefore it happens that he is not upright either with himself, or with his neighbor, or with God.”

After this, I said to Him: ‘My only Good, it has been a while since You gave me even just a kiss.’ And so we kissed each other. Then, almost wanting to correct me, He added: “My daughter, what I recommend to you is to preserve and cherish my words, because my word is eternal and holy as I am Myself, and by preserving it in your heart and profiting from it, you will have your sanctification and will receive an eternal splendor as recompense, produced by my word. By doing otherwise, your soul would receive a void, and you would remain my debtor.”

July 31, 1899
Intellectual communication. The mouth remains mute.

Jesus came also this morning, though always in silence. But I was most content, as long as I had my treasure, Jesus, because by having Him, I had all my contentments. In seeing Him, I comprehended many things about His beauty, about His goodness and other things, but since it was all through the intelligence and by means of intellectual communication, the mouth is incapable of expressing anything; so I let it pass in silence.

August 1, 1899
On purity.

This morning my most gentle Jesus, carrying me outside of myself, made me see the corruption into which mankind has decayed. It is horrifying to think about it! While I was in the midst of these people, almost crying, Jesus was saying: “Oh! man, how you have disfigured, deformed, disennobled yourself! Oh! man, I made you so that you would be my living temple; and you, instead, have made of yourself the dwelling of the devil. Look, even the plants, by being covered with leaves, and with flowers and fruits, teach you honesty and the modesty you must have with your body; and you, having lost any modesty and even the natural reserve you should have, have rendered yourself worse than the beasts, so much so, that I have nothing else to which to liken you. You were my image, but now I no longer recognize you; even more, I am so horrified at your impurities, that the mere sight of you gives Me nausea, and you yourself force Me to flee from you.”

While Jesus was saying this, I felt tortured by the pain of seeing my beloved Jesus so embittered, so I said to Him: 'Lord, You are right that You find nothing good in man any more, and that he has reached such blindness that he cannot even keep to the laws of nature any more. So, if You want to look at man, You will do nothing but send chastisements; therefore I pray You to keep your gaze on your mercy, and so everything will be remedied.’ As I was saying this, Jesus told me: “Daughter, give Me a refreshment for my pains.” In the act of saying this, He removed the crown of thorns, which seemed to be sunken into His adorable head, and He drove it into mine. I felt most bitter pains, but I was content that Jesus was being refreshed. After this, He told me: “Daughter, I greatly love pure souls, and just as I am forced to flee from the impure, I am drawn by the pure, as by a magnet, to dwell with them. To pure souls I gladly lend my mouth to let them speak with my own tongue, therefore they have to make no effort to convert souls. With these souls, I delight not only in continuing my passion within them, and therefore still continuing Redemption, but, what’s more, I greatly delight in glorifying my own virtues in them.”

August 2, 1899
Correspondence to Jesus.

This morning my adorable Jesus made Himself seen all afflicted and almost indignant with men, threatening to send the usual chastisements and to make people die suddenly under lightnings, hail and fire. I prayed Him very much to placate Himself, and Jesus told me: “The iniquities that rise from the earth up to Heaven are so many, that if prayer, and souls who are victims before Me, were missing for a quarter of an hour, I would make fire come out of the earth and inundate the people.”

Then He added: “See how many graces I was to pour upon the creatures, but since I find no correspondence, I am forced to retain them within Myself; even more, they make Me change them into chastisement. Be careful, you, oh my daughter, to correspond to Me in the so many graces I am pouring into you, because correspondence is the open door to let Me enter into the heart and form in it my dwelling. Correspondence is like that good welcome, that esteem, which is used with people when they come to visit us, in such a way that, drawn by that respect, by those affable manners used with them, they are forced to come again, and reach the point of not being able to detach themselves. Everything is in corresponding to Me, and according to how souls correspond to Me and treat Me on earth, so will I behave with them in Heaven. Making them find the doors open, I will invite the whole Celestial Court to welcome them, and I will place them on the most sublime throne; but it will be all the opposite for those who do not correspond to Me.”

August 7, 1899
About our nothingness.

This morning my lovable Jesus was not coming. After much waiting and waiting, finally He came; my confusion and annihilation was such that I was unable to tell Him anything. Jesus said to me: “The more you annihilate yourself and come to know your nothingness, the more my Humanity, unleashing rays of light, will communicate to you my virtues.”

I said to Him: ‘Lord, I am so bad and ugly as to be horrifying to myself. What must I be before You?’ And Jesus: “If you are ugly, I am the One who can make you beautiful.” And in the act of saying this, He sent a light from Himself to my soul, and it seemed that He would communicate His beauty to it. Then, embracing me, He began to say: “How beautiful you are – but beautiful of my own beauty; this is why I am drawn to love you.” Who can say how confounded I remained, more than ever! But, may everything be for His glory.

August 8, 1899
A resigned soul is rest for Jesus.

He continues to make Himself seen, for just a little and almost indignant with men. As much as I prayed Him to pour His bitternesses into me, it was impossible; and without paying attention to what I was saying to Him, He told me: “Resignation absorbs all that can be painful and disgusting to one’s nature and renders it sweet. And since my Being is peaceful, tranquil, in such a way that, no matter what may happen in Heaven and on earth, It cannot receive the slightest breath of disturbance, resignation has the virtue of grafting these very virtues of mine into the soul. A resigned soul is always at rest; and not only herself, but she also makes Me rest peacefully within her.”

August 10, 1899
On justice, and the fruits of justice: truth and simplicity. How Jesus remains wounded by simplicity.

This morning, as my sweet Jesus came, He transported me outside of myself, and He disappeared. As He left me alone, I saw as though two candelabra of fire descending from heaven, which then, dividing into many pieces, formed many lightnings and much hail that came down upon the earth, causing very great torment over plants and men. The horror and the vehemence of the thunderstorm was such, that one could not even pray, and people could not manage to withdraw into their homes. Who can say how frightened I was left? So I began to pray in order to placate the Lord; and as He came back, I saw that He was carrying an iron rod in His hand, which had a ball of fire at the top. He told me: “My Justice has been withheld for a long time, and with reason It wants to take revenge on the creatures, who have dared to destroy every justice within themselves. Ah! yes, I find nothing just in man. He has counterfeited himself completely in his words, in his works and steps; everything is deception, everything is fraud, everything is injustice, which have penetrated into his heart, in such a way that, inside and out, he is but a bilge of vices. Poor man, how you have reduced yourself!”

While saying this, He was swinging the rod He had in His hand, in act of wounding man. I said to Him: ‘Lord, what are You doing?’ And He: “Do not fear. See, this ball of fire will cause fire, but will only strike the evil – the good will receive no harm.” And I added: ‘Ah, Lord! Who is good? We are all evil. I beg You not to look at us, but at your infinite mercy; in this way You will be placated for all.’

After this, He added: “The daughter of justice is truth. Just as I am the Eternal Truth, as I do not deceive, nor can I be deceived, in the same way, the soul who possesses justice makes truth shine in all her actions. Therefore, since she knows by experience the true light of truth, if someone wants to deceive her, since that light which she feels within herself is missing, she immediately recognizes the deceit. And so it happens that with this light of truth she does not deceive either herself, or her neighbor, nor can she be deceived. The fruit produced by this justice and by this truth is simplicity. Another quality of my Being is to be simple, so much so, that I penetrate everywhere; there is nothing that can prevent Me from penetrating inside; I penetrate into Heaven and into the abysses, into good and into evil. However, my Being, most simple, by penetrating even into evil, does not get dirty; even more, it does not receive the slightest shadow. In the same way, through justice and truth, gathering into herself this beautiful fruit of simplicity, the soul penetrates into Heaven, she enters into the hearts to lead them to Me, she penetrates into everything that is good; and if she finds herself with sinners, in seeing the evil that they do, she does not get dirty because, being simple, she immediately brushes it off, without receiving any harm. Simplicity is so beautiful, that my Heart remains wounded at one gaze alone of a simple soul. She is the admiration of Angels and of men.”

August 12, 1899
Jesus transforms her completely into Himself, and teaches her Charity.

This morning, after He made me wait for some time, my adorable Jesus came, telling me: “My daughter, this morning I want to conform you completely to Myself. I want you to think with my own mind, look with my own eyes, listen with my own ears, speak with my own tongue, operate with my own hands, walk with my own feet, and love with my own Heart.”

After this, Jesus united His senses, mentioned above, to mine, and I saw that He was giving me His own shape; not only this, but He gave me the grace to make use of them as He Himself did. Then He continued, saying: “Great graces am I pouring into you – make sure you keep them well.” And I: ‘I fear very much, Oh my beloved Jesus, in knowing myself as all full of miseries, that instead of doing well, I may make bad use of your graces. But what makes me fear the most is the tongue, which oftentimes makes me slip in charity toward my neighbor.’ And Jesus: “Do not fear, I Myself will teach you the way you must keep in speaking with your neighbor. First thing: when you are told something that regards your neighbor, cast a gaze upon yourself and observe whether you are guilty of that same defect, for in that case wanting to correct is wanting to make Me indignant and to scandalize your neighbor. Second: if you see yourself free of that defect, rise then, and try to speak as I would have; in this way you will speak with my own tongue. By doing so, you will never fail in charity with your neighbor; on the contrary, with your discourses, you will do good to yourself and to your neighbor - and to Me you will give honor and glory.”

August 13, 1899
Jesus assumes the image of Luisa.

He continued to make Himself seen this morning, for just a little, always threatening to send chastisements; and as I would go about praying Him to placate Himself, He would escape me like a flash. The last time He came, He made Himself seen crucified. I placed myself near Him to kiss His most holy wounds, doing various adorations; but while I was doing this, instead of Jesus Christ I saw my own image. I remained surprised, and I said: ‘Lord, what am I doing? To myself am I doing the adorations? This cannot be done.’

At that very instant He changed into the person of Jesus Christ, and He told me: “Do not be surprised that I have assumed your own image. If I suffer in you continuously, what is the wonder that I have assumed your own shape? Besides, is it not to make of you an image of Me that I make you suffer?” I remained all confused, and Jesus disappeared. May everything be for His glory, and may His holy name be always blessed.

August 15, 1899
Charity orders all virtues. The Virgin Mary assumed into Heaven. The ‘Hail Mary’ together with Jesus.

This morning my most sweet Jesus came all festive, carrying a bundle of lovely flowers in His hands; and placing Himself in my heart, now He would surround His head with those flowers, now He would hold them in His hands, amusing and delighting all of Himself. While He was celebrating with these flowers, as it seemed He had made a great gain, He turned to me and told me: “My beloved, this morning I have come to place all virtues in order in your heart. The other virtues can remain separate from one another, but Charity binds and orders everything. Here is what I want to do in you – to order Charity.”

I said to Him: ‘My sole and only Good, how can you do this since I am so bad and full of defects and imperfections? If Charity is order, aren’t these defects and sins a disorder that keeps my soul all messy and upside-down?’ And Jesus: “I will purify everything, and Charity will put everything in order. And besides, when I let a soul participate in the pains of my Passion, there cannot be grave sins; at most, some involuntary venial defects, but my love, being fire, will consume everything that is imperfect in your soul.” So it seemed that Jesus purified me and ordered me completely; then He poured as though a rivulet of honey from His Heart into mine, and with that honey He watered my whole interior, in such a way that everything that was in me remained ordered, united, and with the imprint of Charity.

After this, I felt myself going out of myself into the vault of the heavens, together with my loving Jesus. It seemed that everything was in feast – Heaven, earth and Purgatory. All were inundated with a new joy and jubilation. Many souls were going out of Purgatory and, like bolts of lightning, reached Heaven in order to be present at the feast of our Queen Mama. I too pushed myself through that immense crowd of people – that is, Angels, Saints and souls from Purgatory, which already occupied that new Heaven. It was so immense, that the heavens that we see, compared to that one, seemed a little hole to me; more so, since I had the obedience from the confessor. But as I went about looking, I could see nothing but a most luminous Sun spreading Its rays, which penetrated through the whole of me, in such a way as to make me become like crystal; so much so, that my little spots appeared very clearly, as well as the infinite distance that exists between Creator and creature. More so, since each one of those rays had its imprint: some delineated the sanctity of God, some the purity, some the power, some the wisdom, and all the other virtues and attributes of God. So, the soul, in seeing her nothingness, her miseries and her poverty, would feel annihilated, and instead of looking, she would fall prostrate, her face to the ground, in front of that Eternal Sun before which no one can stand.

But, what’s more, in order to see the feast of our Queen Mama, one had to look inside that Sun, so much did the Most Holy Virgin appear immersed in God; in fact, in looking from other points, one could see nothing. Now, while I was in this state of annihilation before that Divine Sun, Baby Jesus, being held in the arms of the Queen Mama, told me: “Our Mama is in Heaven; to you I give the office of acting as my mama on earth. And since my life is continuously subject to scorns, to poverty, to pains, to the abandonment of men, and my Mama, while being on earth, was my faithful companion in all these pains - not only this, but She tried to relieve Me in everything, as much as Her strengths were capable of - you too, acting as my mother, will keep Me faithful company in all my pains, suffering in my place as much as you can; and where you cannot reach, you will try to give Me at least a refreshment. Know, however, that I want you all intent on Me. I will be jealous even of your breath, if you do not do it for Me; and when I see that you are not all intent on contenting Me, I will give you no peace and no rest.”

After this, I began to act as his mama, but – oh, how much attention was needed to make Him content! To see Him content, one could not even take a glance at any place else. Now He wanted to sleep, now He wanted to drink, now He wanted to be cheered with caresses; and I had to be ready for everything He wanted. Now He would say: ‘My Mama, my head is hurting – O please! relieve Me!’; and immediately I would check His head and, finding some thorns, I would remove them, and placing my arm beneath His head, I would make Him rest. While I would do so that He might rest, all of a sudden He would get up and say: “I feel a weight and a suffering at my Heart, to the point that I feel Myself dying. Take a look at what is in there.” And observing the interior of His Heart, I found all the instruments of the Passion; I removed them one by one, and I placed them in my heart. Then, seeing Him relieved, I began to caress Him and kiss Him, and I said to Him: ‘My sole and only treasure, You didn’t even let me watch the feast of our Queen Mother, or listen to the first canticles that the Angels and the Saints sang upon Her entrance into Paradise.’

And Jesus: “The first canticle that they sang to my Mama was the ‘Hail Mary’, because in the ‘Hail Mary’ there are the most beautiful praises, the greatest honors; and the joy which She felt in being made Mother of God is renewed. Therefore, let us recite it together to honor Her, and when you yourself come to Paradise, I will let you find it as if you had recited it together with the Angels for the first time in Heaven.”

So, we recited the first part of the ‘Hail Mary’, Jesus and I together. Oh! how tender and touching it was to hail our Most Holy Mama together with Her beloved Son! Each word He said carried an immense light, in which one could comprehend many things about the Most Holy Virgin. But who can say them all? – especially because of my incapacity. Therefore I let them pass in silence.

August 16, 1899
She continues to act as a mama for Jesus.

Jesus continues to want me to act as His mother. He made Himself seen as a most gracious little baby, crying; and to calm His crying, holding Him in my arms, I began to sing. It so happened that when I would be singing, He would stop crying; when I wouldn’t, He would start crying again. I would rather have kept silent on what I was singing – first, because I don’t remember everything, since I was outside of myself, and one can hardly remember all the things that happen; and also because I believe it is nonsense. But lady obedience, who is too impertinent, does not want to give up, and it is enough that one does as she wants, for her to be content even with nonsense. I don’t know, they say that this lady obedience is blind, but to me it seems, rather, that she is all eyes, because she looks at the tiniest things, and when one does not do as she says, she becomes so impertinent as to give you no peace. And so now, to have peace from this beautiful lady obedience – because, then, she is so good when one does as she says, that whatever ones wants, through her, everything is obtained – I will say what I remember of my singing:

“Little Baby, You are little and strong,
from You I expect every comfort;
little Baby, gracious and beautiful,
You enamor even the stars;
little Baby, steal my heart
so as to fill it with your love;
little Baby, tender little one,
make me a little baby too;
little Baby, You are a Paradise,
O please! Let me come
to delight in your eternal smile.”

August 17, 1899
The power and office of ‘lady obedience’.

This morning, after receiving Communion, I was saying to my lovable Jesus: ‘How is it that this virtue of obedience is so impertinent, and sometimes so strong as to reach the point of becoming capricious?’

And He: “Do you know why this noble lady obedience is as you say? Because she gives death to all vices and, naturally, one who has to inflict death upon someone else must be strong and courageous; and if he does not succeed with this, he will use impertinences and caprices. If this is necessary in order to kill the body, which is so fragile, much more so in order to give death to vices and to one’s own passions; in fact, it is so hard that sometimes, while they seem to be dead, they begin to live again. And so this diligent lady is always in motion, and spying continuously. If she sees that the soul raises the slightest difficulty at what is commanded of her, fearing that some vice may begin to live again in her heart, she wages such a war against her, and gives her no peace until the soul prostrates herself at her feet and does, in mute silence, whatever she wants. This is why she is so impertinent and almost capricious, as you say.

Ah, yes, there is no true peace without obedience; and if it seems that one may enjoy peace, it is a false peace, because it gets along with one’s own passions, but never with virtues; and one ends up in ruin, because by moving away from obedience, one moves away from Me, who was the King of this noble virtue.

Moreover, obedience kills one’s own will and pours the Divine in torrents; so much so, that one can say that the obedient soul no longer lives of her will, but of the Divine. Can there ever be a life more beautiful, more holy, than to live of the Will of God Himself? With the other virtues, even the most sublime, there can be love of self, but with obedience – never.”

August 18, 1899
Truth places the soul in order.

This morning, as most loving Jesus came, I said to Him: ‘My beloved Jesus, I believe that everything I write is a lot of nonsense.’ And Jesus: “My word is not only truth, but also light, and when a light enters a dark room – what does it do? It dispels the darkness, and makes one distinguish the objects that are in it, whether they are ugly or beautiful, whether there is order or disorder; and from the way the room is found, one judges the person that occupies it. Now, the human life is the dark room, and when the light of truth enters a soul, it dispels the darkness – that is, it makes her distinguish what is true from what is false, the temporal from the eternal, in such a way that she casts vices away from herself and places the order of virtues within her. In fact, since my light is holy - which is my very Divinity - it cannot communicate anything other than sanctity and order, therefore the soul feels light of patience, of humility, of charity and the like, come out of herself. If my word produces these signs in you, why fear?”

After this, Jesus let me hear how He was praying to the Father for me, saying: “Holy Father, I pray You for this soul – let it be so that she may fulfill Our Most Holy Will perfectly in everything. Let it be, O adorable Father, that her actions be so conformed to mine, that one might not be distinguished from the other, so that I may accomplish what I have designed upon her.” But who can say the strength I felt being infused in me by this prayer of Jesus? I felt my soul being clothed with such strength, that in order to fulfill the Most Holy Will of God I would not have cared suffering a thousand martyrdoms, if this were what pleased Him. May the Lord be always thanked, who uses so much mercy with this poor sinner.

August 21, 1899
Effects of pleasing Jesus alone.

After having spent two days of sufferings, my benign Jesus showed Himself all affability and sweetness. In my interior I kept saying: ‘How good the Lord is with me; yet, I find nothing in me that might please Him.’ And Jesus, answering me, told me: “My beloved, just as you find no other pleasure and contentment than being with Me, conversing with Me, and pleasing Me alone, in such a way that all other things that are not mine are disgusting for you, in the same way, my pleasure and my consolation is to come and be with you, and speak with you. You cannot comprehend the power that a soul who has the sole purpose of pleasing Me alone has over my Heart, in drawing me to herself. I feel so bound to her, that I am forced to do what she wants.”

While Jesus was saying this, I understood that He was speaking in that way because during the past days, while suffering most bitter pains, I kept saying in my interior: ‘My Jesus, everything for love of You. May these pains be as many acts of praise, of honor, of homage that I offer You. May these pains be as many voices that glorify You, and as many attestations that tell you that I love You.’

August 22, 1899
Jesus communicates to her His virtues.

My dear Jesus continues to come, all lovable and majestic. While in this appearance, He told me: “The purity of my gazes shines in all your operations, in such a way that, rising again into my eyes, it produces a splendor for Me, and it cheers Me from the filthy things that creatures do.”

I remained all confused at these words, so much so, that I did not dare to tell Him anything; but Jesus, encouraging me, began to say: “Tell Me, what do you want?” And I: ‘When I have You, is there anything more I could possibly desire?’ But Jesus, more than once, asked me again to tell Him what I wanted. And I, gazing upon Him, saw the beauty of His virtues and said to Him: ‘My most sweet Jesus, give me your virtues.’

And He, opening His Heart, made many distinct rays come out of His virtues, which entered into my heart, and I felt all of myself being strengthened in the virtues. Then He added: “What else do you want?” And I, remembering that during the past days, because of a pain that I was suffering, my senses were prevented from losing themselves in God, said to Him: ‘My benign Jesus, let it be that the pain may not prevent me from losing myself in You.’ And Jesus, touching with His hand the part of me that was in suffering, mitigated the bitterness of the spasm, in such a way that I can recollect and lose myself in Him.

August 27, 1899
The effect when Jesus goes to a soul.

This morning, while seeing my sweet Jesus, I felt a fear in me that it might not be Him, but the devil, to deceive me. And Jesus, answering my fear, told me: “When I am the One who goes to the soul, all of her interior powers are annihilated and recognize their nothingness; and I, seeing the soul humiliated, make my love overabound like many streams, in such a way as to inundate her and strengthen her in good. All the opposite happens when it is the devil.”

August 30, 1899
Man has lost religion. Threat of chastisements.

This morning my beloved Jesus transported me outside of myself, and made me see the decadence of religion in men and a preparation for war. I said to Him: ‘Oh Lord, in what a heart-rending state the world finds itself in these times, in things of religion. It seems that the world no longer recognizes she[3] who ennobles man and makes him aspire to an eternal purpose. But that which makes one cry the most is that religion is ignored by some of the very ones who call themselves religious, who should lay down their lives to defend her and revive her.’

And Jesus, assuming a most afflicted appearance, told me: “My daughter, this is why man lives like a beast – because he has lost religion. But times yet more sad will come for man, because of the blindness in which he, of his own, has immersed himself, so much so that my Heart aches in seeing him. But the blood which I will cause to be shed by every kind of people – secular and religious - will revive this holy religion, and will water the rest of the people, grown wild, that will be left; and civilizing them again, it will restore their nobility. Here is the necessity for blood to be shed and for churches themselves to be almost destroyed – so that they may be restored anew and exist with their original prestige and splendor.” But who can say the cruel havoc they will wreak on them in the times to come? I let it pass in silence because I don’t remember very well, and I don’t see it very clearly. If the Lord wants me to talk about it, He will give me more clarity, and then I will pick up the pen again on this topic. So, for now I stop here.

August 31, 1899
The confessor gives her the obedience to reject Jesus and not speak with Him.

After the confessor gave me the obedience that, when Jesus would come, I was to say, ‘I cannot speak, move away’, I took it as a joke, not as a formal obedience. So, when Jesus came, almost neglecting the order received, I dared to say to Him: ‘My good Jesus, look a bit at what father wants to do.’

And He said to me: “Daughter, abnegation”.

And I: ‘But, Lord, the thing is serious. This is about having to not want You - how can I do this?’

And He, for the second time: “Abnegation”.

And I: ‘But, Lord, what are You saying? Do You perhaps know that I can be without You?’

And He, for the third time: “But, my daughter, abnegation”. And He disappeared.

Who can say how I was left in seeing that Jesus wanted me to dispose myself to the obedience?

September 1, 1899
The obedience continues.

When the confessor came, he asked me if I had done the obedience; and after I told him how things had gone, he renewed the obedience - that I absolutely should not converse with Jesus, my sole and only comfort, and that I should drive Him away if He came. And so, having understood that what was given to me was true obedience, in my interior I said the ‘Fiat Voluntas Tua’, also in this. But – oh! how much it costs me – and what a cruel martyrdom! I feel like I have a nail stuck inside my heart, which pierces it through; and since the heart is used to asking and longing for Jesus continuously – so much so, that just as the breathing and the heartbeat are continuous, so does it seem to me that my desiring and wanting my only Good is continuous – so, wanting to prevent this would be like wanting to prevent someone else from breathing, or his heart from palpitating. How could one live? Yet, one must let obedience prevail. Oh! God, what pain, what atrocious torture! How to prevent the heart from asking for its very life? How to stop it? The will applied itself with all its strength in order to hold it back, but since great and continuous vigilance was needed, from time to time it would get tired and discouraged, and the heart would make its escape, asking for Jesus. In noticing this, the will would apply itself with greater strength in order to stop it, but – no, it would lose very often. Therefore it seemed to me that I was doing continuous acts of disobedience. Oh! what contrasts, what a bloody war, what mortal agonies my poor heart suffered! I found myself in such constraints and in such sufferings, that I thought that my life was going away. Yet, had I been able to die, it would have been a comfort for me. But – no; and what’s more, I felt pains of death, without being able to die.

So, after shedding most bitter tears for the whole day, at nighttime, as I found myself in my usual state, my always benign Jesus came; and I, forced by obedience, said to Him: ‘Lord, do not come, for obedience does not want it!’

And He, compassionating me and wanting to strengthen me in the sufferings in which I found myself, with His creative hand marked my person with a large sign of the cross, and then He left me.

But who can describe the purgatory I was in? And, what’s more, I was not allowed to fling myself toward my highest and only Good. Ah! yes, I was forbidden to ask and long for Jesus! Ah! those blessed souls of Purgatory are permitted to ask - to fling themselves, to pour themselves out, toward the Highest Good; they are only prohibited from taking possession of Him. But I… no, I was deprived also of this comfort. So, all night long I did nothing but cry.

When my weak nature could not take any more, lovable Jesus came back, in act of wanting to speak with me; and I, remembering the obedience which wants to reign over all, immediately said to Him: ‘Dear Life of mine, I cannot speak. Please do not come, for obedience does not want it. If You want to make your Will understood, go to them.’

While I was saying this, I saw the confessor; and Jesus, drawing near him, said to him: “This is impossible for my souls. I keep them so immersed in Me as to form one single substance; so much so, that it is no longer possible to distinguish one from the other; and just as when two substances are mixed together, one is transfused into the other, and afterwards, if anyone wanted to separate them, it would be useless even just to think about it - in the same way, it is impossible for my souls to be separated from Me.” Having said this, He left, and I remained in my affliction - greater than before. My heart was beating so strongly that I felt my chest crack.

After this, I cannot explain how, I found myself outside of myself, and forgetting - I don’t know how - about the obedience received, I wandered throughout the vault of the heavens, crying, shouting, and searching for my sweet Jesus. All of a sudden I saw Him coming toward me, throwing Himself into my arms, all burning and languishing. But soon I remembered the command received, and I said to Him: ‘Lord, do not want to tempt me this morning. Don’t You know that obedience does not want this?’

And He: “The confessor sent Me; this is why I came.”

And I: ‘It is not true. Are you perhaps some demon that wants to deceive me and make me fail the obedience?’

And Jesus: “I am not a demon”.

And I: ‘If you are not a demon, let us make the sign of the cross to each other.’

So we both signed each other with the cross. Then, I continued, saying to Him: ‘If it is true that the confessor sent You, let us go to him, so that he himself may see whether you are Jesus Christ or a demon. Then will I be sure.’

So we went to the confessor, and since Jesus was a child, I placed Him in his arms, telling him: ‘Father, look, yourself: is he my sweet Jesus or not?’

Now, while blessed Jesus was with father, I said to Him: ‘If you really are Jesus, kiss the hand of the confessor.’ And in my mind I thought that if He was the Lord, He would accept the humiliation of kissing his hand; while if he was a demon, he wouldn’t. And Jesus kissed it, though not to the man, but to the priestly authority – in this way He kissed it. After this, it seemed that the confessor was exorcising him, to see whether he was a demon; and not finding him as such, he gave Him back to me. But in spite of this, my poor heart was unable to enjoy the embraces of my beloved Jesus, because the obedience kept it as though bound - hampered; more so, since there was not yet a contrary order, so it did not dare to pour itself out, not even to say a word of love….

Oh, holy obedience! how strong and powerful you are! I see you before me, in these days of martyrdom, like a most powerful warrior, armed from head to foot with swords, darts and arrows; filled with all those instruments that are apt to wound. And when you see that my poor heart, tired and down, wants to be cheered, searching for its refreshment, its life, the center to which it feels drawn as by a magnet – looking at me with a thousand eyes, you wound me from all sides with mortal wounds. O please! have pity on me, and don’t be so cruel with me!

But as I am saying this, the voice of my adorable Jesus is making itself heard to my ear, saying: “Obedience was everything for Me, and I want obedience to be everything for you. Obedience made Me be born, obedience made Me die. The wounds I have on my body are all wounds and marks that obedience did to Me. With reason you said that she is like a most powerful warrior, armed with all kinds of weapons, apt to wound. In fact, in Me, she left not even a drop of blood; she tore my flesh to pieces; she dislocated my bones, while my poor Heart, exhausted and bleeding, kept looking for a relief from one who would have compassion for Me. Acting with Me as more than a cruel tyrant, only then was obedience content, when she sacrificed Me on the Cross and saw Me breathe my last, as victim for love of her. And why this? Because the office of this most powerful warrior is to sacrifice souls; therefore, she does nothing but wage a fierce war against those who do not sacrifice themselves completely for her. So, she does not care whether the soul suffers or enjoys, whether she lives or dies; her eyes are intent on looking at whether she wins, for in the other things she does bother meddling. So, the name of this warrior is “victory”, because she concedes all victories to the obedient soul; and when it seems that this soul dies, then does true life begin. What greater thing did obedience not concede to Me? Through her I conquered death, I defeated hell, I released man from his chains, I opened Heaven; and like a victorious King, I took possession of my Kingdom – not only for Myself, but for all my children who would profit from my Redemption. Ah! yes, it is true that she cost Me my life, but the name ‘obedience’ resounds sweetly to my hearing, and this is why I have so much love for those souls who are obedient.”

I continue from where I left.

After a little while, the confessor came, and when I told him what is said above, he renewed the obedience – that I should continue in the same way. And I said to him: ‘Father, at least permit me to give my heart the freedom to ask for Jesus, for then, when He comes, the obedience to say: ‘Do not come, I cannot converse’ – I will do it. And he: “Do the best you can to stop Him; and when you cannot, then give Him freedom.”

September 2, 1899
Still the same obedience, but a little milder.

So, with this obedience, a little milder, it seemed that my poor heart, from dead, began to live again a little bit. But in spite of this, it did not cease to be tortured in a thousand manners; in fact, when obedience would see that the heart would stop a little longer in search of its Maker, almost wanting to rest in Him because its strengths were exhausted, she would swoop down on me and wound me all over with her claws. And then, having to repeat that refrain when blessed Jesus would make Himself seen: ‘Do not come, I cannot converse, for obedience does not want it’ - was this not the most atrocious and cruel martyrdom for me?

Then, as I was in my usual state, my sweet Jesus came and I manifested to Him the command received; and He went away. Only once, while I was saying to Him, ‘do not come, for obedience does not want it’, He told me: “My daughter, keep the light of my Passion ever before your mind, for in seeing my most bitter pains, yours will seem small to you; and in considering the cause for which I suffered so many immense pains, which was sin, your smallest defects will seem grave to you. On the other hand, if you do not reflect yourself in Me, the littlest pains will seem heavy to you, and you will hold grave defects as nothing.” And He disappeared.

After a little while, the confessor came, and when I asked him whether I was still to continue this obedience, he said to me: “No, you can tell Him whatever you want, and keep Him as much as you want.”

It seems that I have been set free now, and that I don’t have to deal so much with this warrior so powerful; otherwise, this time he would have become so strong as to give me death. However, he would have let me make a great gain, because I would have united myself to the Highest Good - forever, not at intervals; and I would have thanked him. Not only this, but I would have sung to him the canticle of obedience – that is, the canticle of victories; and then I would have laughed at all his strength…

But as I am saying this, a radiant and beautiful eye has appeared before me, with a voice saying: “And I would have united myself with you, and would have delighted in laughing, because that would have been my victory.”

And I: ‘Oh dear obedience… and after laughing together, I would have left you at the door of Paradise to say to you, “good-bye” - no longer “see you again”, to have nothing to do with you any more; and I would have been very careful not to let you in.’

September 5, 1899
How Jesus operates perfection little by little.

This morning I found myself in such disheartenment and I saw myself so bad, that I myself rendered myself unbearable. When Jesus came, I told Him of my pains and the miserable state I was in, and He said to me: “My daughter, do not want to lose heart. It is my usual way to operate perfection little by little, and not everything in one instant, so that the soul, in seeing that she is always lacking something, may push herself and make all efforts in order to reach what she lacks, with the purpose of pleasing Me more and of sanctifying herself more. And I, drawn by those acts, feel compelled to give her new graces and celestial favors, and in this way a commerce, fully divine, forms between the soul and God. Otherwise, if the soul possessed within herself the fullness of perfection and therefore of all virtues, she would not find ways by which to strive, to please Me more, and so the tinder with which to start the fire between creature and Creator would be missing.”

May the Lord be always blessed!

September 9, 1899
Faith, Hope and Charity. The soul, royal palace of God.

Jesus continues to come, but with an appearance all new. It seemed that the trunk of a tree was coming out of His blessed Heart, which contained three distinct roots. This trunk was leaning out of His Heart into mine, and coming out of my heart, it formed many beautiful branches, loaded with flowers, with fruits, with pearls and precious stones, shining like most refulgent stars. Now, seeing Himself in the shade of this tree, my loving Jesus was all amused; more so, since many pearls were falling from the tree, forming a beautiful ornament for His Most Holy Humanity. While He was in this position, He told me: “Dearest daughter of mine, the three roots that you see, which this tree contains, are Faith, Hope and Charity. The fact that you see this trunk coming out of Me and entering into your heart means that there is no good that souls possess which does not come from Me. So, after Faith, Hope and Charity, the first development that this trunk does is to make known that everything good comes from God, that creatures have nothing of their own but their nothingness, and that this nothingness does nothing other than give Me the freedom to enter into them and do what I want. But there are other ‘nothings’ – that is, other souls – who make opposition with their own free will; so, because this knowledge is lacking, the trunk produces neither branches, nor fruits, nor anything else that is good. The branches that this tree contains, with all the apparatus of flowers, fruits, pearls and precious stones, are all the different virtues that a soul can possess. Now, who has given life to such a beautiful tree? Certainly the roots. This means that Faith, Hope and Charity embrace everything and contain all virtues; so much so, that they are placed there as the basis and foundation of the tree, and without them no other virtue can be produced.”

I also understood that the flowers signify the virtues; the fruits, sufferings; the precious stones and pearls, suffering only out of pure love for God. This is why those pearls which were falling formed that beautiful ornament for Our Lord.

Now, while sitting in the shade of this tree, Jesus looked at me with tenderness, all paternal, and taken by a surge of love, such that it seemed He could not contain it within Himself, He embraced me tightly and began to say: “How beautiful you are! You are my simple dove, my beloved dwelling, my living temple, in which I am pleased to delight united with the Father and the Holy Spirit. Your continuous languishing for Me relieves Me and refreshes Me from the continuous offenses that creatures give Me. Know that the love I have for you is so great that I am forced to hide it in part, so that you may not go mad, but may live. In fact, if I showed it to you, you would not only go mad, but would not be able to continue to live; your weak nature would be consumed by the flames of my love.” While He was saying this, I felt all confused and annihilated, and I felt myself sinking into the abyss of my nothingness, because I saw myself all imperfect; especially, I noted my ingratitude and coldness at the so many graces that the Lord gives me. But I hope that everything will be for His glory and honor, hoping, with firm confidence, that in an effort of His love He may want to conquer my hardness.

September 16, 1899
Effects and value of suffering only for God.

This morning my adorable Jesus came, and since I feared it might be the devil, I said to Him: ‘Permit me to sign your forehead with the cross’; and in the very act of saying this I signed him, and so I remained more reassured and tranquil.

Now, blessed Jesus seemed tired, and wanted to rest in me; and since I too felt tired from the sufferings of the past days, especially because of His very few visits, I felt the necessity to rest in Him. So, after we contended together for a little bit, He told me: “The life of the heart is love. I am like an infirm person who is burning with fever, and keeps looking for refreshment, for a relief, in the fire that devours him. My fever is love; but from where do I extract the refreshments and the reliefs which are most suitable for the fire that consumes Me? From the pains and toils suffered by souls beloved to Me, only for love of Me. Many times I wait and wait for that moment in which the soul turns to Me to tell Me: ‘Lord, only for love of You do I want to suffer this pain.’ Ah, yes, these are the reliefs and refreshments most suitable for Me, which cheer Me and dampen the fire that consumes Me.”

After this, He threw Himself into my arms, languishing, in order to rest. While Jesus was resting, I comprehended many things about the words spoken by Jesus, especially about suffering for love of Him. Oh! what a coin of inestimable value! If we all knew it, we would compete with one another to suffer more. But I believe we are all shortsighted in knowing this coin so precious, and this is why one does not come to having knowledge of it.

September 19, 1899
The fruits of Faith, of Hope and of Charity.

This morning I was a little disturbed, especially because of the fear that it is not Jesus that comes, but the devil, and that my state might not be Will of God. While I was in this agitation, my adorable Jesus came and told me: “My daughter, I do not want you to waste time; by thinking about this, you distract yourself from Me, and you cause the food with which to nourish Me to be lacking. What I want is that you think only of loving Me and of remaining all abandoned in Me, for in this way you will prepare for Me a food very pleasing to Me – and not just every now and then, as you would if you continued like this, but continuously. Would this not be a most great contentment for you – that your will, by remaining abandoned in Me and by loving Me, be food for Me, your God?”

After this, He showed me His Heart, which contained three distinct globes of light, which then formed a single one. And Jesus, resuming His speech, told me: “The globes of light that you see in my Heart are the Faith, the Hope and the Charity which I brought upon earth to make suffering man happy by offering them to him as gift. Now, to you also I want to give a more special gift.” And while He was saying this, many threads of light came out of those globes of light, which inundated my soul like a sort of net, and I remained inside of it. And Jesus: “Here is where I want you to occupy your soul. First, fly upon the wings of Faith, and in that light, by plunging yourself into it, you will know and acquire news ever new about Me, your God; but by knowing Me more, your nothingness will feel almost dispersed, and you will have no place to lean on. You, however, rise more, and dive into the immense sea of Hope, which is made of all my merits that I acquired in the course of my mortal life, and of all the pains of my Passion, which I also gave to man as gift. Only through these can you hope for the immense goods of Faith, because there is no other way to obtain them. So, as you avail yourself of these, my merits, as if they were your own, your ‘nothing’ will no longer feel dispersed and sinking into the abyss of nothingness, but acquiring new life, it will be embellished and enriched, in such a way as to draw the very divine gazes upon itself. Then will the soul no longer be timid, but Hope will administer to her courage and strength, in such a way as to render her stable like a pillar exposed to all the intemperances of the air, which are the various tribulations of life, and which do not move her a tiny bit. And Hope will cause the soul not only to immerse herself without fear into the immense riches of Faith, but to make herself the owner of them; and through Hope she will reach such a point as to make God Himself her own. Ah! yes, Hope makes the soul reach wherever she wants; Hope is the door of Heaven - only by means of It can it be opened, because one who hopes for everything, obtains everything. Then, once the soul has reached the point of making God Himself her own, immediately, without any obstacle, she will find herself in the immense ocean of Charity, and carrying Faith and Hope with her, she will immerse herself in it and will form one single thing with Me, her God.”

Most loving Jesus continued, saying: “If Faith is the king, Charity is queen, and Hope is like the peacemaking mother who pacifies everything. In fact, with Faith and Charity there might be disturbance, but Hope, being bond of peace, converts everything into peace. Hope is support, Hope is refreshment; and when the soul, rising by means of Faith, sees the beauty, the sanctity, the love with which she is loved by God, she feels drawn to love Him; but in seeing her insufficiency, how little she does for God, and how she should love Him but does not, she feels discomforted, disturbed and almost does not dare to draw near God. Then, immediately, this peacemaking mother Hope comes out, and placing herself between Faith and Charity, she begins to perform her office of peacemaker. She makes the soul peaceful again, she pushes her, lifts her up, gives her new strengths; and carrying her before king Faith and queen Charity, she excuses the soul, she places a new effusion of her merits before the soul, and she prays them to receive her. And Faith and Charity, with their gazes fixed only on this peacemaking mother, so tender and compassionate, receive the soul, and God forms the delight of the soul, and the soul the delight of God.”

Oh! holy Hope, how admirable you are! I imagine seeing the soul who is possessed by this beautiful Hope, like a noble wayfarer, who walks in order to go and take possession of a land that will form all his fortune. But since he is unknown and he journeys through lands which are not his, some deride him, some insult him, some strip him of his clothes, and some reach the point of beating him and of threatening to strip him even of his flesh. And the noble wayfarer – what does he do in all these trials? Will he get disturbed? Ah! no – never. On the contrary, he will deride those who do all this to him, and knowing with certainty that the more he suffers, the more he will be honored and glorified when he comes to take possession of his land, he himself teases the people into tormenting him more. But he is always tranquil, he enjoys the most perfect peace; and what’s more, while he is in the midst of these insults, he remains so calm, that while others are all alert around him, he is there sleeping in the bosom of his longed-for God. Who administers so much peace and so much firmness to this wayfarer in continuing the journey he has undertaken? Certainly Hope in the eternal goods that will be his; and since they are his, he will overcome everything in order to take possession of them. Now, by thinking that they are his own, he comes to love them – and here is how Hope gives birth to Charity.

Who can say, then, what the light of blessed Jesus makes me see? I would rather have let it pass in silence, but I see that lady obedience, laying down her friendly guises of friendship, assumes the aspect of a warrior and is arming his weapons to wage war against me and to wound me. O please! do not arm yourself so quickly – lay down your claws, stay calm, for I will do as you say, as much as I can, and so we will always remain friends.

Now, when the soul carries herself into the most extensive sea of Charity, she experiences ineffable delights, and enjoys joys which are unspeakable to mortal soul. Everything is love; her sighs, her heartbeats, her thoughts, are as many sonorous voices that she makes resound around her most loving God - voices all of love, calling Him to themselves, in such a way that blessed God, drawn and wounded by these loving voices, gives His requital, and it happens that His sighs, His heartbeats, and all of the Divine Being continuously call the soul to God.

Who can say, then, how wounded the soul remains by these voices; how she begins to rave as though taken by a most burning fever; how she runs, almost made insane, and goes to plunge herself into the loving Heart of her Beloved to find refreshment, and she suckles, in torrents, the divine delights? She becomes inebriated with love, and in her inebriation, she makes canticles, all of love, for her most sweet Spouse. But who can say everything that passes between the soul and God? Who can speak about this Charity, which is God Himself?

At this instant, I see an immense light, and my mind remains stupefied; it applies itself now on one point, now on another, and I try to write it on paper, but I feel I stammer in expressing it. So, not knowing what to do, for now I keep silent, and I believe that lady obedience will forgive me this time, because if she wants to get huffy with me, this time she is not so right. The wrong is all hers, for not giving me a more fluent tongue to be able to express it. Have you understood, most reverend obedience? We remain at peace, don’t we?

September 21, 1899
Differences with ‘lady obedience’. The purpose of Luisa’s state.

Yet, who would have said it? In spite of the fact that the wrong is hers, for she does not give me the capacity to be able to manifest it, Miss obedience took offense and began to act like a cruel tyrant – and she reached such cruelty as to take away from me the sight of my loving Good, my sole and only comfort. It really shows that sometimes she behaves also like a little girl: when she has a whim for something, if she does not get it with good manners, she deafens the house with screams and with crying, to the point that one is forced to content her. There are no reasons, there is no middle course to persuade her. So lady obedience does. Bravo! - I would not have thought you were like this. Since she wants to get her own way, she wants me, even stammering, to write about Charity. Oh! Holy God - You Yourself, make her a little bit more reasonable, for it really shows that one cannot go on in this way. And you, oh obedience, give me back my sweet Jesus - don’t cut me to the quick any more. I pray you not to take the sight of my highest Good away from me any more, and I promise you that, even stammering, I will write as you want. I only ask of you the good grace to let me recover for a few days, because my mind, too little, can no longer take being immersed in that vast ocean of divine Charity, especially because in it I can see my miseries and my ugliness more, and in seeing the love that God has for me, I feel I am almost going mad; and so my weak nature feels faint and can take no more. But in the meantime I will occupy myself with writing about other things, to then continue with Charity.

I resume my poor speaking. While my mind was occupied with the things already said, I kept thinking to myself: ‘What would be the purpose of writing this, if I myself did not practice what I write? This writing would certainly be my condemnation.’ While I was thinking of this, blessed Jesus came and told me: “This writing will serve to make known who the One is that speaks to you and occupies your person. And then, if it does not serve you, my light will serve others, who will read what I make you write.”

Who can say how mortified I was left in thinking that others will take advantage of the graces He gives me, if they read these writings, and I who receive them, do not? Will they not condemn me? And then, at the mere thought that they will end up in the hands of others, my heart aches with pain and with blushing for myself. Now, remaining in greatest affliction, I kept repeating: ‘What is the purpose of my state, if it will serve as condemnation?’ And my most loving Jesus, coming back, told me: “My life was necessary for the salvation of the peoples; and since I could not continue it on earth, I choose whomever I please in order to continue it within them, so as to carry on salvation in the peoples. Here is the purpose of your state.”

September 22, 1899
Repugnance in writing.

I felt a nail stuck in my heart because of the words spoken yesterday by sweet Jesus; and He, always benign with this miserable sinner, to relieve my pains, came and, all compassion for me, told me: “My daughter, do not want to afflict yourself any longer. Know that everything I make you write, either about virtues or in the form of similes, is nothing other than having you portray yourself, and the perfection which I made your soul reach.”

Oh! God, what a great repugnance I feel in writing these words – because what He says does not seem true to me. I feel I still don’t understand what virtue and perfection is, but obedience wants it so, and it is better to croak than having to deal with her. More so, since she has two faces: if one does as she says, she assumes the appearance of a lady, and caresses you like a most faithful friend – even more, she promises you all the goods that are in Heaven and on earth; but then, as soon as she detects a shadow of difficulty against her, immediately, without letting herself be noticed, one goes about looking at her and finds her a warrior in act of arming his weapons to wound you and destroy you. Oh! my Jesus, what kind of a virtue is this obedience, that makes one tremble at the mere thought of her?

So, while Jesus was saying those words to me, I told Him: ‘My good Jesus, what good is it for my soul to have so many graces, if then they embitter the whole of my life, especially because of the hours of your privation? In fact, comprehending Who You are, and of Whom I am being deprived, is a continuous martyrdom for me. So, they serve me for nothing other than to make me live continuously embittered.’

And He added: “When a person has tasted the sweetness of a food and then is forced to take the bitter, in order to remove that bitterness he doubles his desire to taste the sweet; and this does much good to that person, because if he always tasted the sweet, without ever tasting bitterness, he would not hold the sweet in great consideration. But if he always tasted bitterness, without knowing the sweet, not knowing it, he would not even desire it; therefore, both one and the other do good. So it is good for you also.” And I: ‘My Jesus, most patient in tolerating a soul so miserable and ungrateful – forgive me. It seems to me that this time I want to investigate too much.’ And Jesus: “Do not trouble yourself; it is I Myself who raise these difficulties in your interior, to have the occasion to converse with you, and also to instruct you in everything.”

September 25, 1899
Luisa, defender of Jesus and of creatures.

In my mind I was thinking: ‘If these writings ended up in someone’s hands, that person might say: “She must be a good Christian if the Lord gives her so many graces”, not knowing that in spite of all this I am still so bad. Here is how people can deceive themselves, both in good and in evil. Ah! Lord, You alone know the truth, and the depth of the hearts.’ While I was thinking of this, blessed Jesus came and told me: “My beloved, and what if people knew that you are my defender and theirs!”

And I: ‘My Jesus, what are You saying?’ And He: “What? Is it not true that you defend Me from the pains that they give Me by placing yourself between Me and them, and that you take upon yourself the blow that I am about to receive, as well as that which I should pour down upon them? And if sometimes you do not receive it upon yourself, it is because I do not permit it; and this, to your great sorrow, to the point of lamenting to Me. Can you perhaps deny it?”

‘No Lord, I cannot deny it, but I see that it is something that You Yourself have infused in me – this is why I say that it is not because I am good, and I feel all confused in hearing You speak these words to me’

September 26, 1899
Oppositions to writing. How the Most Holy Virgin is a portent of grace. Abstractive sight and intuitive sight.

This morning, as my adorable Jesus came, He carried me outside of myself, but to my greatest sorrow I saw Him from behind, and as much as I prayed Him to let me see His most holy Face, it was impossible. In my interior I kept saying: ‘Who knows whether it is because of my oppositions against obedience when I write, that He does not deign to show His adorable Face.’ And while saying this, I cried. After He let me cry, He turned around and told me: “I take your oppositions into no account, because your will is so identified with Mine, that you cannot will but what I Myself want. So, though it is repugnant for you, at the same time you feel drawn to do it as by a magnet; therefore, your repugnances serve for nothing other than to render the virtue of obedience more embellished and bright. This is why I don’t pay attention to them.”

Afterwards, I looked at His most beautiful Face, and in my interior I felt an indescribable contentment; and turning to Him, I said: ‘My most sweet Love, if it is just me, and I take so much delight in looking at You, what must it have been for our Queen Mama, when You enclosed Yourself in Her most pure womb? What contentments, how many graces did You not give Her?’ And He: “My daughter, the delights and the graces that I poured into Her were such and so many, that it is enough to tell you that what I am by nature, our Mother became by grace; more so since, She having no sin, my grace was able to lord freely within Her. So, there is nothing of my Being which I did not give to Her.”

At that instant, I seemed to see our Queen Mother as if She were another God, with this difference alone: that in God it is His own nature, while in Mary Most Holy it is acquired grace. Who can say how stupefied I was left; how my mind was lost in seeing a portent of grace so prodigious? So, turning to Him, I said: ‘My dear Good, our Mother had so much good because You let Yourself be seen intuitively. I would like to know: and to me - how do You show Yourself? By abstractive or by intuitive sight? Who knows whether it is even abstractive at all.’ And He: “I want to make you understand the difference that passes between one and the other. In the abstractive, the soul contemplates God, while in the intuitive she enters into Him and obtains the graces – that is, she receives into herself the participation in the Divine Being. How many times have you not participated in my Being? That suffering, which seems almost natural in you; that purity, such that you reach the point of feeling as if you did not have a body; and many other things – have I not communicated this to you when I have drawn you to Myself intuitively?”

Ah Lord, it is so true! And I – what thanks have I rendered to You for all this? What has been my correspondence? I feel blushing at the mere thought of it. But, O please! forgive me, and let it be known of me, in Heaven and on earth, that I am an object of your infinite mercies.

September 30, 1899
How patience in suffering temptations is like a nourishing food.

Earlier I spent more than one hour of hell. In passing, I went about looking at the image of Baby Jesus and a thought, like lightning, said to the Baby: ‘How ugly you are!’ I tried not to pay attention to it and not to become disturbed, so as to avoid some game with the devil. Yet, in spite of this, that diabolical lightning penetrated into my heart, and I felt that my poor heart was hating Jesus. Ah! yes, I felt I was in hell, keeping company with the damned – I felt love changed into hate! Oh! God, what pain, being unable to love You!

I said: ‘Lord, it is true that I am not worthy to love You, but at least accept this pain - that I would want to love You, but cannot.’

So, after spending more than one hour in hell, it seemed I got out of it, thank God. But who can say how afflicted and weakened my poor heart was left, because of the war fought between hate and love? I felt such prostration of strengths that I seemed to have no more life. Then I was caught by my usual state, but – oh, how worn-out! My heart and all of my interior powers which, with unspeakable yearning, desire and go in search of their highest and only Good, and when they find Him, only then do they stop and enjoy Him to their greatest contentment, this time did not dare to move. They were so annihilated, confused and sunken in their nothingness, that they would not let themselves be heard. Oh! God, what a cruel blow my heart had to suffer!

In spite of this, my always benign Jesus came, and His consoling sight made me forget immediately that I had been in hell, so much so, that I did not even ask Jesus forgiveness. The interior powers, humiliated and tired as they were, seemed to rest in Him. Everything was silence; on both sides there was nothing but a few loving gazes that wounded each other’s heart.

After remaining in this profound silence for some time, Jesus told me: “My daughter, I am hungry, give Me something.” And I: ‘I have nothing to give You.’ But at that very instant I saw a loaf of bread and I gave it to Him, and He seemed to eat it with all pleasure. Now, in my interior I kept saying: ‘He hasn’t told me anything for a few days.’ And Jesus answered my thought: “Sometimes the groom is pleased to deal with his bride, and to entrust his most intimate secrets to her; other times, then, he delights with greater pleasure in resting, as they contemplate each other’s beauty. Speaking impedes resting, and the mere thinking of what one has to say and of what one has to deal with, diverts one’s attention from looking at the beauty of the groom or of the bride. However, this is needed; in fact, after they have rested and comprehended each other’s beauty more, they come to love each other more, and with greater strength they enter the field again to work, to deal with and defend their interests. This is what I am doing with you. Aren’t you happy?”

After this, a thought flashed through my mind about the hour spent in hell, and immediately I said: ‘Lord, forgive me – how many offenses I gave You.’ And He: “Do not want to afflict or disturb yourself; it is I who leads the soul deep into the abyss, to then be able to lead her more swiftly to Heaven.” Then He made me comprehend that that loaf of bread that I found was nothing other than the patience with which I had borne that hour of bloody battle. Therefore, patience, humiliation, and offering to God what one suffers in time of temptation, is a nourishing bread that one gives to Our Lord, which He accepts with great pleasure.

October 1, 1899
Jesus speaks with bitterness about the abuses of the Sacraments.

This morning lovable Jesus continued to make Himself seen in silence, but with a most afflicted appearance; He had a thick crown of thorns driven onto His head. I felt my interior powers silent – they did not dare to say a single word; but in seeing that He suffered very much in His head, I stretched out my hands and, very carefully, removed the crown of thorns. But, what a bitter spasm He suffered! How His wounds opened more and His blood poured out in torrents! In truth, it was something that tortured the soul. After I removed it, I put it onto my head, and He Himself helped so that it might penetrate inside; however, everything was silence on both sides.

But, what was my surprise when, after a little while, I went about looking at Him again, and I saw that, with the offenses that were given, they were putting another one on the head of Jesus! Oh, human perfidy! Oh, incomparable patience of Jesus, how great you are! And Jesus kept silent, and almost would not look at them so as not to know who His offenders were. Again, I removed it, and as all my interior powers woke up with tender compassion, I said to Him: ‘My dear Good, my sweet Life, tell me a little bit – why do You no longer tell me anything? It has never been your usual way to hide your secrets from me. O please! let us speak together a little, for in this way we will pour out a little bit the sorrow and the love that oppress us.’

And He: “My daughter, you are the relief in my pains. However, know that I do not tell you anything because you always force Me not to chastise the people. You want to oppose my Justice, and if I do not do as you want, you remain disappointed, and I feel more pain for not keeping you content. Therefore, in order to avoid disappointments on both sides, I keep silent.” And I: ‘My good Jesus, have You perhaps forgotten that You Yourself suffer after You have made use of your Justice? It is seeing You suffer in the very creatures that makes me more than ever alert in forcing You not to chastise the people. And then, seeing the creatures themselves turn against You like many poisonous vipers, such that they would almost take your life if it were in their power, because they see themselves under your scourges, and they irritate your Justice even more…. I don’t have the heart to say the Fiat Voluntas Tua.’

And He: “My Justice can take no more. I feel wounded by everyone – by priests, by devout people, by the secular, especially because of the abuse of the Sacraments. Some do not care about them at all, adding scorns; others, who attend them, turn them into a conversation of pleasure; and others, not satisfied in their whims, because of this reach the point of offending Me. Oh! how tortured my Heart is in seeing the Sacraments reduced to painted pictures, or like those statues of stone which seem to be alive and operating from afar, but in drawing near them, one begins to discover the deceit. Then, one goes about touching them, and what does he find? Paper, stone, wood - inanimate objects; and here is how they are disenchanted completely. This is how the Sacraments have been reduced for the most part – there is nothing but mere appearance. What to say, then, about those who remain more filthy than clean? And then, the spirit of interest that reigns among the religious – it is something to be wept over! Don’t you see how that they are all eyes where there is a most wretched penny, to the point of degrading their dignity? But where there is no interest they have neither hands nor feet to move a tiny bit. This spirit of interest fills their interior so much that it overflows outside, to the point that the secular themselves feel the stench of it, and scandalized by it, make this the cause for not giving credence to their words. Ah! yes, no one spares Me. There are some who offend Me directly, and some who, though they could prevent so much evil, do not bother doing it; so, I do not know to whom to turn. But I will chastise them in such a way as to render them incapable, and some I will destroy completely. They will reach such a point that the churches will remain deserted, with no one to administer the Sacraments.”

Interrupting His speaking, all frightened, I said: ‘Lord, what are You saying?! If there are some who abuse the Sacraments, there are also many good daughters who receive them with the due dispositions, and who would suffer very much if they could not attend them.’ And He: “Too scarce is their number; and then, their pain for not being able to receive them will work as reparation for Me, and to make them victims for those who abuse them.” Who can say how tormented I was left by this speaking of blessed Jesus? But I hope He will placate Himself out of His infinite Mercy.

October 3, 1899
Luisa deals with ‘lady obedience’. Exaltation of obedience. Priests must be apart from any earthly or family interest.

This morning Jesus continued to make Himself seen afflicted. I did not have the courage to say even one word to my most patient Jesus for fear that He might resume His plaintive speech about the state of the religious. This, because obedience wants me to write everything, and also that which regards charity towards one’s neighbor, and this is so painful for me, that I had to fight by the force of my arms with lady obedience; more so, since she changed her appearance into that of a most powerful warrior, armed with his weapons to give me death. In truth, I found myself in such constraints, that I myself did not know what to do. To write about charity towards one’s neighbor according to the light that Jesus made me see, seemed impossible to me. I felt my heart being wounded by a thousand prickings; I felt my mouth being struck dumb, and my courage failing me; and I said to her: ‘Dear obedience, you know how much I love you, and that for love of you I would gladly give my life, but I see that I cannot do this, and you yourself see the torture of my soul. O please! do not make yourself an enemy, don’t be so ruthless with me - be more indulgent with one who loves you so much. O please! you yourself, come to me, and let us discuss together about what is most appropriate for us to say.’

So, it seemed that she laid down her fury, and she herself dictated what was most necessary, enclosing in a few words the whole sense of the different things that regarded Charity. At times, however, she wanted to be more detailed and I would say to her: ‘It is enough that they understand the meaning with a little bit of reflection. Isn’t it better to enclose all the meaning in one word, instead of many words?’ At times obedience would surrender, others times, I would; and so it seems that we got along.

How much patience it takes with this blessed lady obedience – truly a lady, for it is enough to give her the right to lord, that changing her appearance into that of a most meek lamb, she herself makes the sacrifice of toiling, and allows the soul to rest with her Lord, placing herself around her with vigilant eye so that no one may dare to molest her and to interrupt her sleep. And while the soul sleeps, what does this noble lady do? She is there dripping sweat from her forehead, hastening the toil that belonged to the soul – something that truly causes every human mind, the most intelligent, to be stunned, and stirs every heart to love her.

Now, while I am saying this, in my interior I keep saying: ‘But, what is this obedience? What is it formed of? What is the nourishment that sustains it?’ And Jesus makes His harmonious voice heard to my hearing, saying: “Do you want to know what obedience is? Obedience is the quintessence of love; obedience is the finest, the purest, the most perfect love, extracted from the most painful sacrifice – that is, to destroy one’s own self in order to live again of God. Being most noble and divine, obedience does not allow in the soul anything that is human and that does not belong to it. Therefore, all its attention is on destroying in the soul everything that does not belong to its divine nobility – that is, love of self. And once it has done this, it cares little if it alone struggles and toils for what belongs to the soul, while allowing the soul to rest peacefully. Finally, I Myself am obedience.”

Who can say how amazed and ecstatic I remained in hearing these words of blessed Jesus? Oh! holy obedience, how incomprehensible you are! I prostrate myself at your feet and I adore you. I pray you to be my guide, teacher and light, along the disastrous path of life, so that, guided, instructed and escorted by your most pure light, with certainty, I may take possession of the eternal harbor.

I stop here, almost forcing myself to go out of this virtue of obedience, otherwise I would never stop speaking. So much is the light that I see of this virtue, that I could endlessly continue writing about it. But other things call me; therefore I keep silent and I go back to where I left.

So, I saw my sweet Jesus afflicted, and remembering that obedience had told me to pray for a certain person, with all my heart I commended him to Him, and Jesus told me: “My daughter, may he make all of his works shine with virtue alone; but especially, I recommend that he not meddle in the things of family interest. If he has something, let him give it away; if he does not, I don’t want him to get involved with anything else. He should let things be done by those who are supposed to, while he should remain disentangled, free, without muddying himself in earthly things; otherwise he would encounter the misfortune of the others who, since they wanted, from the beginning, to meddle in some things of their families, all the weight then fell upon their shoulders. And I, only because of my mercy, had to permit that they would not prosper, but rather, be impoverished, so as to let them touch with their own hands how unseemly it is for a minister of mine to muddy himself in earthly things. On the other hand – and this is word come out of my mouth – the ministers of my sanctuary, as long as they do not touch earthly things at all, would never lack their daily bread. Now, with these ones, if I had allowed them only to prosper, they would have muddied their hearts and would have cared neither about God nor about the things pertaining to their ministry. Now, bothered and tired of their state, they would want to shake it off, but they cannot, and this is the penalty for what they should not do.”

Afterwards, I commended a sick person to Him, and Jesus showed His wounds, given to Him by that sick person. And I tried to pray Him, to placate Him, to repair Him, and it seemed that those wounds would heal. And Jesus, all benignity, told me: “My daughter, today you have performed for Me the office of a most skillful doctor, for you have tried not only to medicate and to bandage my wounds which that sick person gave Me, but also to heal them. Because of this I feel very much soothed and placated.” So I comprehended that by praying for the sick, one comes to perform the office of doctor for Our Lord, who suffers in His own images.

October 7, 1899
How she sees Jesus indignant with the people. The state of victim holds back the chastisements.

This morning blessed Jesus was not coming, and I had to have much patience in waiting for Him. In my interior I kept saying: ‘My dear Jesus, come, don’t make me wait so much! I haven’t seen You since last night, and now, it is getting late and You are still not coming? See how much patience I have had in waiting for You. O please! do not let me I reach the point of losing patience because of your long delay in coming, because then You would be the cause of it, with your delays. Therefore come, for I can take no more.’

Now, while I was saying this and other nonsense, my only Good came, but to my highest sorrow I saw Him almost indignant with the people. Immediately I said to Him: ‘My good Jesus, I pray You to make peace with the world.’ And He: “Daughter, I cannot. I am like a king who wants to enter into a house, but that house is full of filthy things, of rot and of many other dirty things. The king, as king, has the power to enter into it, there is no one who could prevent him, and he could even clean that house with his own hands, but he does not want to do it, because it is not decent for his royal person to descend to such lowness; and until that house is cleaned by others, in spite of the fact that he has the power, the will, and a great desire, to the point of suffering for it, he will never deign to set foot in it. So I am. I am the King who can and wants, but I want their will – I want them to remove the rot of sins before I enter and make peace with them. No, it is not decent for my royalty to enter and make peace with them; on the contrary, I will do nothing but send chastisements. The fire of tribulation will inundate them everywhere, to the point of knocking them down, so that they may remember that a God exists – the only One who can help them and free them.”

And I, interrupting His speaking, said to Him: ‘Lord, if You want to lay hands to chastisements, I want to come – I don’t want to be on this earth any more. How will my heart be able to endure in seeing your creatures suffer?’ And Jesus, assuming a benign appearance, told me: “If you come, where shall I go to dwell on this earth? For now let us think about being together down here, for we will have much time to be in Heaven – the whole of eternity. And then, too soon have you forgotten your office of acting as my mother on earth. So, while I chastise the people, I will come to take refuge and to dwell with you.”

And I: ‘Ah! Lord, what is the purpose of my state of victim for so many years? What good has come to the peoples? You used to tell me that You wanted me victim in order to spare the people, and now You show how these chastisements, instead of happening many years ago, are happening later – nothing more and nothing less than this.’ And He: “My daughter, don’t say this, I have been forbearing for love of you, and the good that came from this has been that while terrible chastisements were to rage for a very long time, because of this they will be shorter. Is this not a good – that instead of being under the weight of a chastisement for many years, one remains under it only for a few? Moreover, during the course of these past years, with wars and sudden deaths, they should not have had the time to convert, but they did, and were saved – is this not a great good? My beloved, for now it is not necessary to make you understand the purpose of your state for yourself and for the peoples, but I will show it to you when you come to Heaven, and on the Day of Judgment I will show it to all nations. Therefore, do not speak like this any more.”

October 14, 1899
Hope, peacemaking Mother.

This morning I felt a little disturbed and all annihilated within myself. I saw myself as if the Lord wanted to cast me away from Him. Oh God! what a harrowing pain is this! While I was in such a state, blessed Jesus came with a little rope in His hand, and pounding on my heart three times, He told me: “Peace, peace, peace - don’t you know that the kingdom of Hope is kingdom of peace, and the right of this Hope is justice? You, when you see that my Justice arms Itself against the people - enter into the kingdom of Hope, and investing yourself with the most powerful qualities that she[4] possesses, rise up to my throne and do as much as you can to disarm the armed arm. And you will do this with the most eloquent, the most tender, the most compassionate voices, with the most compelling reasons, with the warmest prayers, which Hope herself will dictate to you. But when you see that Hope herself is about to support certain rights of Justice that are absolutely necessary, and wanting to give them up would be wanting to give affront to her own self, which cannot be – then conform to Me and surrender to Justice.”

And I, terrified more than ever for having to surrender to Justice, said to Him: ‘Ah, Lord, how can I do this? Ah! it seems impossible to me. The mere thought that You have to chastise the people I cannot tolerate, because they are your images. Were they at least creatures that do not belong to You…. Yet, this is nothing; but what tortures me the most is having to see You – I would almost say – being struck by Yourself, slapped, scourged and grieved by Yourself, because the chastisements will pour upon your own members – not upon others, and therefore You Yourself will suffer. Tell me, my sole and only Good, how will my heart be able to bear seeing You suffer, struck by Your very Self? If creatures make You suffer, they are always creatures and it is more tolerable; but this is so hard that I cannot swallow it. Therefore, I cannot conform to You, nor can I surrender.’

And He, moved to pity and all touched by my words, assuming an afflicted and benign appearance, told me: “My daughter, you are right that I will be struck in my own members, so much so, that in hearing you speak, I feel my whole interior moved to compassion and mercy, and I feel my Heart split with tenderness. But, believe Me, the chastisements are necessary, and if you don’t want to see Me struck a little bit now, you will see Me struck more terribly later, because they will offend Me more. Would this not grieve you more? Therefore, conform to Me, otherwise you will force Me not to tell you anything any more so as not to see you grieved. And with this, you would deny Me the relief I receive in conversing with you. Ah! yes, you would reduce Me to silence, with no one with whom to pour my pains out.”

Who can say how embittered I was left at these words of His? And Jesus, almost wanting to distract me from my affliction, resumed His speech about Hope, telling me: “My daughter, do not be disturbed – Hope is peace. And just as I, in the very act in which I make justice, remain in the most perfect peace, you too, by immersing yourself in Hope, must remain at peace. The soul who dwells in Hope, by wanting to afflict herself, become disturbed or lose trust, would run into the misfortune of one who, though possessing millions upon millions of coins, and even being queen of various kingdoms, goes on fantasizing and lamenting, saying: ‘What shall I live on? How shall I clothe myself? Ah! I am dying of starvation! I am so unhappy! I will be reduced to the most absolute misery and I will end up dying.’ And while she says this, she cries, sighs and spends her days in sadness and squalor, immersed in the greatest melancholy. But this is not all; what is worse about her is that if she sees her treasures, if she walks within her properties, instead of rejoicing, she afflicts herself more, thinking of her nearing end; and if she sees food, she does not want to touch it to sustain herself. And if anyone tries to persuade her by letting her touch her riches with her own hands, showing her that it cannot be that she will be reduced to the most absolute misery, she is not convinced, she remains dazed, and cries even more over her sad lot. Now, what would people say about her? That she is crazy, that it shows that she has no reason, that she has lost her brain. The reason is clear, it cannot be otherwise.

Yet, it can happen that she may run into the misfortune over which she keeps fantasizing. But in what way? By going out of her kingdoms, abandoning all of her riches, and going into foreign lands in the midst of barbarian people, where no one will deign to give her a crumb of bread. Here is how the fantasy has become reality – what was false, is now true. But who has been the cause of it? Who should be blamed for so sad a change of state? Her perfidious and obstinate will. Such is precisely the soul who is in possession of Hope: wanting to become disturbed or discouraged is already the greatest madness.”

And I: ‘Ah! Lord, how can a soul be always at peace, living in Hope? And if the soul commits a sin – how can she be at peace?’ And Jesus: “In the act of sinning, the soul already goes out of the kingdom of Hope, because sin and Hope cannot be together. Every common sense holds that each one is obliged to respect, preserve and cultivate what belongs to him. Who is that man who goes into his properties and burns what he possesses? Who does not keep his own things jealously? I believe no one. Now, the soul who lives in Hope, by sinning, already offends Hope, and if it were in her power, she would burn up all the goods that Hope possesses. Then she would find herself in the misfortune of that lady who, abandoning her goods, goes to live in foreign lands. In the same way, by sin, going out of this peacemaking mother Hope, so tender and compassionate, who reaches the point of nourishing her with her own flesh, which is Jesus in the Sacrament, the primary object of our hope, the soul goes to live in the midst of barbarian people, which are the demons who, denying her the slightest refreshment, nourish her with nothing but poison, which is sin. Yet, what does this compassionate mother do? Does she perhaps remain indifferent while the soul moves away from her? Ah! no - she cries, she prays, she calls her with the most tender and most moving voices; she goes after her, and when she leads her back into her kingdom, only then is she content.”

My sweet Jesus continues, telling me: “The nature of Hope is peace, and what she is by nature, the soul who lives in the bosom of this peacemaking mother acquires by grace.” And in the very act of speaking these words, by means of an intellectual light, blessed Jesus makes me see, through the simile of a mother, what this Hope has done for man. Oh! what a moving and most tender scene! If all could see it, even the hardest hearts would cry with compunction, and all would grow so fond of her, that it would become impossible for them to detach even for one moment from her maternal knees.

I will now try to say what I comprehend and what I can: man lived in chains, slave of the devil, condemned to eternal death, without the hope of being able to live again to eternal life. Everything was lost, and his destiny had gone to ruin. This Mother lived in Heaven, united with the Father and the Holy Spirit, blissful and happy with Them; but it seemed that she was not content - she wanted her children, her dear images, the most beautiful work that came out of her hands, to be around her. Now, while she was in Heaven, her eyes were intent on man, who goes wandering on earth. She is all occupied with how to save these beloved children of hers, and in seeing that these children can in no way satisfy the Divinity, even at the cost of any sacrifice, because they are greatly inferior to It - what does this compassionate Mother do? She sees that there is no other means to save these children than to give her own life to save theirs, taking their pains and miseries upon herself, and doing everything that they were supposed to do for themselves. So, what does she think of doing? This loving Mother presents herself before Divine Justice with tears in her eyes, with the most tender voices, with the most compelling reasons which her magnanimous heart dictates to her, and says: “Grace do I ask of You for my lost children, I don’t have the heart to see them separated from Me. I want to save them at any cost, and even though I see that there is no other way but to lay down my life, I want to do it, as long as they may reacquire their own. What do you want from them? Reparation? I repair for them. Glory, honor? I glorify You and honor You for them. Thanksgiving? I thank You for them. Anything You want from them, I Myself give to You, provided that I may have them reigning together with Me.”

The Divinity is moved in seeing the tears and the love of this compassionate Mother, and persuaded by her compelling reasons, It feels inclined to love these children. They[5] cry together over their misfortune, and conclude in accord that They accept the sacrifice of the life of this Mother, remaining fully satisfied, in order to reacquire these children. As soon as the decree is signed, immediately she descends from Heaven and comes upon earth, and laying down her royal garments which she had in Heaven, she clothes herself with human miseries, as if she were the most miserable slave, and she lives in the most extreme poverty, in the most unheard-of sufferings, amid the scorns most unbearable to the human nature. She does nothing but cry and intercede for her beloved children. But that which is most stupefying, both about this Mother and about these children, is that while she loves these children so much, instead of receiving with open arms this Mother who is coming to save them, they do the opposite. No one wants to receive her or recognize her; on the contrary, they let her go wandering, they despise her, and begin to plot how to kill this Mother so tender and so passionately in love with them. What will such a tender Mother do in seeing herself requited so badly by her ungrateful children? Will she stop? Ah, no! On the contrary, she becomes more ignited with love for them, and she runs from one point to another to reunite them and place them on her lap. Oh! how she toils, how she struggles, to the point of dripping sweat – not only of water, but also of blood! She gives herself not a moment of respite, she is always in act to operate their salvation, she provides for all their needs, she remedies all their evils, past, present and future; in sum, there is nothing she does not order and dispose for their good.

But what do these children do? Have they perhaps repented of their ingratitude in receiving her? Have they changed their thoughts in favor of this Mother? Ah, no! They scowl at her, they dishonor her with the most awful calumnies, they procure her opprobrium, scorns and confusions, they beat her with every kind of scourges, reducing all of her to a wound; and they finish by making her die the most infamous death that can be found, in the midst of cruel spasms and pains. But what does this Mother do in the midst of so many pains? Will she perhaps hate these children, so unruly and arrogant? Ah, no – never! It is then that she loves them more passionately than ever, offering her pains for their own salvation, and breathing her last with a word of peace and of forgiveness. Oh! my beautiful Mother! Oh dear Hope, how admirable you are - I love you! O please! keep me always on your lap, and I will be the happiest in the world.

While I am determined to stop speaking about Hope, a voice resounds everywhere around me, saying: “Hope contains all good, both present and future, and one who lives on her lap and is raised on her knees, whatever he wants, obtains. What does the soul want? Glory, honor? Hope will give her the greatest honor and glory on earth among all people, and in Heaven she will glorify her eternally. Maybe she wants riches? Oh! This Mother Hope is extremely rich, and what is more, by giving her goods to her children, her riches are not the least diminished. Moreover, these riches are not fleeting and passing - but eternal. Does she want pleasures, contentments? Ah, yes! This Hope contains within herself all possible pleasures and tastes that can be found in Heaven and on earth, so much so, that no one will ever be able to equal her; and one who nourishes herself at her breast enjoys them to her fill, and – oh! how happy and content she is! Does she want to be learned, wise? This Mother Hope contains the most sublime sciences within herself – even more, she is the master of all masters, and one who lets herself be taught by her learns the science of true sanctity.”

In sum, Hope provides us with everything, in such a way that if one is weak, she gives him strength; if another is stained, Hope instituted the Sacraments and in them she prepared the bath for his sins. If one is hungry or thirsty, this compassionate Mother gives us the most beautiful, the most delicious food, which is her most delicate flesh, and, as drink, her most precious blood. What else can this peacemaking Mother Hope do? And who else is similar to her? Ah! she alone has reconciled Heaven and earth. Hope has united Faith and Charity with herself and has formed that indissoluble link between the human nature and the Divine. But, who is this Mother? Who is this Hope? It is Jesus Christ, who operated our Redemption and formed the Hope of man astray.

October 16, 1899
Waiting for Jesus. Jesus speaks about chastisements.

This morning my sweet Jesus was not coming. I had not seen Him since last night, when He showed Himself with an appearance that moved one to pity and struck fear at the same time. He wanted to hide so as not to see the chastisements which He Himself was sending over the people and the way in which He was to destroy them. Oh! God, what a harrowing sight, never before seen. While waiting and waiting, in my interior I kept saying: ‘How is it that He is not coming? Who knows whether He does not come because I do not conform to His Justice? But how can I do this? It seems almost impossible for me to say “Fiat Voluntas Tua”.’ Then, again, I kept saying: ‘He is not coming because the confessor is not sending Him to me.’ Now, while I was thinking of this, I just barely saw Him, almost a shadow, and He told me: “Do not fear, the authority of priests is limited. Insofar as they are willing to pray Me to come to you, and to offer you as victim, to have you suffer so that I may spare the people, so will I heal them and spare them in the act in which I send the chastisements. If then they don’t give it a thought, neither will I have any regard for them.” Having said this, He disappeared, leaving me in a sea of affliction and of tears.

October 21, 1899
Earthly goods must serve for the sanctification of man, not as his idols. The cause of chastisements.

After going through most bitter days of privation, I was feeling tired and exhausted in my strengths, though I kept offering those very pains, saying: ‘Lord, You know how much it costs me to be without You; but I resign myself to your Most Holy Will, offering this most bitter pain as a means to attest my love and to placate You. These bothers, annoyances, wearinesses, coldnesses that I feel, I intend to send to You as messengers of praises and of reparations for myself and for all creatures. This I have, and this I offer You. Surely You accept the sacrifice of the good will, when one offers You what he can with no reserve – but, come, for I can take no more.’

Many times I had the temptation to conform to Justice, thinking that I myself was the cause of His not coming. In fact, in these past days, Jesus had told me that if I did not conform, I would force Him not to come and not to tell me anything any more so as not to grieve me. But I did not have the heart to do it, more so, since obedience did not consent to it either. While I was amid these bitternesses, first a light came, with a voice saying: “Insofar as man meddles in earthly things, so does he move away and lose esteem for eternal goods. I gave riches that they might use them for their sanctification, but they have used them to offend Me and to form an idol for their hearts; and I will destroy them, and their riches together with them.”

After this, I saw my dearest Jesus, but so in suffering, offended and indignant with the people as to strike terror. Immediately I began to say to Him: ‘Lord, I offer You your wounds, your Blood, the most holy use You made of your senses during the course of your mortal life, to repair for the offenses and for the bad use that creatures make of their senses.’

And Jesus, assuming a serious look, almost thundering, said: “Do you know how the senses of creatures have become? Like the screams of fierce animals which, with their roars, drive men away, rather than letting them get close. The rot and the multiplicity of sins that spurts out from their senses is such, that they force Me to flee.” And I: ‘Ah! Lord, how indignant I see You. If You want to continue sending chastisements, I want to come; otherwise, I want to get out of this state. Why remain in it, since I can no longer offer myself as victim to spare the people?’ And He, addressing me with seriousness, so much so that I felt terrified, told me: “You want to touch the two extremes – either you want Me to do nothing, or you want to come. Are you not content that people are spared in part? Do you think that Corato is the best, and the least in offending Me? And my having spared it, compared to other towns – is this something trivial? So, content yourself and calm yourself, and while I occupy Myself with chastising the people, you – accompany Me with your sighs and with your sufferings, praying Me so that the very chastisements may turn out for the conversion of the peoples.”

October 22, 1899
The cross, a way strewn with stars.

Jesus continues to make Himself seen afflicted. The moment He came, He threw Himself into my arms, His strengths completely exhausted, almost wanting refreshment. He shared with me a little bit of His sufferings, and then He told me: “My daughter, the way of the cross is a way strewn with stars, and as one walks through it, those stars change into most luminous suns. What will be the happiness of the soul for all eternity in being surrounded with these suns? Furthermore, the great reward I give to the cross is such that there is no measure, either of width or of length – it is almost incomprehensible to the human minds; and this, because in bearing crosses, there can be nothing human – all is divine.”

October 24, 1899
The cause of chastisements: the love of God for creatures.

This morning my adorable Jesus came and transported me outside of myself, into the midst of the people. Jesus seemed to look at creatures with eyes of compassion, and the very chastisements appeared as infinite mercies of His, come out from the most intimate place of His most loving Heart. Then, turning to me, He told me: “My daughter, man is a product of the Divine Being, and since Our food is love, always reciprocal, alike and constant among the Three Divine Persons, since he came out of Our hands and from pure, disinterested love, he is like a particle of Our food. Now, this particle has become bitter for Us; not only this, but the majority of them, by moving away from Us, have made themselves pasture for the infernal flames and food for the implacable hatred of demons, Our capital enemies as well as theirs. This is the main cause of Our sorrow for the loss of souls: because they are Our own – they are something that belongs to Us. Likewise, the cause that pushes Me to chastise them is the great love I have for them, to be able to place their souls in safety.”

And I: ‘Ah! Lord, it seems that this time You have no other words to say but of chastisements. Your power has other means to save these souls. And then, if I were certain that all the pain would fall upon them and You would remain free, without suffering in them, I would resign myself; but I see that You are already suffering very much from those chastisements You have sent. What will happen if you continue sending more chastisements?’

And Jesus: “Even though I suffer, love pushes Me to send heavier scourges, and this, because in order to make man enter himself and recognize what his being is, there is no means more powerful than making him see his own self undone. It seems that other means make him grow bolder; therefore, conform to my Justice. I see well that the love you have for Me pushes you very much not to conform to Me, and you don’t have the heart to see Me suffer, but my Mother also loved Me more than all creatures - no one can equal Her; yet, in order to save these souls She conformed to Justice and She resigned Herself to see Me suffer so much. If my Mother did this, could you not do it yourself?” And as Jesus was speaking, I felt my will being drawn so much to His, that I almost could no longer resist conforming to His Justice. I did not know what to say, so convinced I felt; however, I have not yet manifested my will. Jesus disappeared, and I remained in this doubt - whether I have to conform or not.

October 25, 1899
The echo of the love of God, and the echo of the ingratitude of creatures.

My most sweet Jesus continues to manifest Himself almost always in the same way. This morning He added: “My daughter, my love toward creatures is so great that it resounds like an echo in the celestial regions, it fills the atmosphere and diffuses over the whole earth. But what is the correspondence that creatures give to this loving echo? Ah! they requite Me with an echo of ingratitude - poisonous, filled with every kind of bitternesses and sins; with an echo almost deadly, fit only for wounding Me. But I will depopulate the face of the earth, so that this echo resounding with poison may no longer deafen my ears.”

And I: ‘Ah! Lord, what are You saying?’ And Jesus: “I act just like a pitying doctor, who has the extreme remedies for his children, and these children are full of wounds. What does this father and doctor do, who loves his children more than his own life? Will he let these wounds become gangrenous? Will he let them perish for fear that by applying fire and knife they may suffer? No – never! Though he will feel as if those instruments were applied on himself, in spite of this he takes hold of the knife, rips and cuts the flesh open, and applies to it the poison, the fire, to prevent corruption from advancing further. Even though many times it happens that in these operations the poor children die, yet this was not the will of the father doctor – his will was to see them healed. So I am. I wound in order to heal them, I destroy them in order to resurrect them. If many perish, this is not my Will, it is only the effect of their wicked and obstinate will - it is the effect of this poisonous echo that they want to keep sending Me unto seeing themselves destroyed.”

And I: ‘Tell me, my only Good, how can I sweeten for You this poisonous echo that afflicts You so much?’ And He: “The only means is that you always do all your actions with the sole purpose of pleasing Me, and that you employ all your senses and powers for the purpose of loving Me and of glorifying Me. Let your every thought, word, and everything else, want nothing but the love you have for Me; in this way your echo will rise pleasant to my throne and will sweeten my hearing.”

October 28, 1899
Who am I, and who are you?

This morning my lovable Jesus came in the middle of a light, and looking at me, as though penetrating me everywhere, so much so, that I felt annihilated, He told me: ‘Who am I, and who are you?”

These words penetrated me deep into the marrow of my bones, and I could see the infinite distance that passes between the Infinite and the finite, between the All and the nothing. Not only this, but I could also see the malice of this nothing, and how it had covered itself with mud. It seemed to me as like a fish that swims in the water; so was my soul swimming in rot, amid worms and many other things, which are fit only for striking horror to the sight. Oh! God, what an abominable sight! My soul would have wanted to flee before the sight of God trice Holy, but with two more words He binds me; and these are: “What is my Love for you? And what is your requital for Me?”

Now, while at the first words I would have wanted to flee, frightened, from His presence, at these second words - “what is my Love for you?” - I found myself sunken, bound by His Love from all sides; so, my existence was a product of His Love - if this Love ceased, I would no longer exist. It seemed to me that the beats of my heart, my intelligence, and even my breath, were a product of His Love. I was swimming in Him, and even if I wanted to flee, it seemed impossible for me to do it, because His Love surrounded me everywhere. My love, then, seemed like a little drop of water thrown into the sea, which disappears and can no longer be distinguished. How many things I comprehended – but if I wanted to tell them I would be too long.

Then Jesus disappeared, and I was left all confused. I saw myself all sin, and in my interior I implored forgiveness and mercy. After a little while my only Good came back; I felt all soaked with bitterness and sorrow for my sins, and He told me: “My daughter, when a soul is convinced that she has done evil in offending Me, she already performs the office of Magdalene, who bathed my feet with her tears, anointed them with balm, and dried them with her hair. When the soul begins to look into herself at the evil she has done, she prepares a bath for my wounds. In seeing her evil, she receives bitterness and feels sorrow for it, and by this she comes to anoint my wounds with a most exquisite balm. From this knowledge, the soul would want to make a reparation, and in seeing her past ingratitude, she feels love arise within her toward a God so good, and she would want to lay down her life to attest her love; and this is the hair which, like many gold chains, binds her to my Love.”

October 29, 1899
The formation of the interior dwelling for Jesus.

My adorable Jesus continues to come, but this morning, as soon as He came, He took me in His arms and carried me outside of myself. Being in those arms, I comprehended many things, and especially that in order to be in the arms of Our Lord freely, and also to enter into His Heart with all ease and to go out of It as the soul best pleases, and not to be a weight or a bother for blessed Jesus, it was absolutely necessary to strip oneself of everything. Therefore, with all my heart, I said to Him: ‘My dear and only Good, what I ask of You for me is that You strip me of everything, because I see well that in order to be clothed again by You and live in You, and for You to live again in me, it is necessary for me to have not even a shadow of what does not belong to You.’ And He, all benignity, told me: “My daughter, the main thing so that I may enter into a soul and form my dwelling is total detachment from everything. Without this, not only can I not dwell in her, but not even any of the virtues can form its abode in the soul.

After this, once the soul has made everything go out of herself, then do I enter, and united with the will of the soul, we build a house. The foundations of it are based on humility, and the deeper they are, the higher and stronger the walls will be. These walls will be built with the stones of mortification, cemented with the purest gold of charity. After the walls have been built, I, like a most excelling painter, plaster it and form the most excelling paintings - not with lime and water, but with the merits of my Passion, represented by the lime, and with the colors of my Blood, represented by the water. This serves to protect it well from rains, from snows, and from any shock. Then come the doors, and in order for them to be solid like wood and not subject to woodworms, silence is necessary, which forms the death of the exterior senses. In order to keep this house, a guardian is necessary to watch over it everywhere, inside and out. And this is the holy fear of God that guards it against any inconvenience, wind or anything else that might threaten it. This fear will be the safeguard of this house, which will make one operate, not out of fear of penalty, but out of fear of offending the master of this house. This holy fear must do nothing other than do everything in order to please God, with no other intention.

Then, this house must be adorned and filled with treasures. These treasures must be nothing other than holy desires, and tears. These were the treasures of the Old Testament, and in them they found their salvation; in the fulfillment of their vows, their consolation; in sufferings, strength. In sum, they placed all their fortune in their desire for the future Redeemer, and in this desire they operated as athletes. A soul without desire operates almost as if dead; everything is boredom, bother, rancor – even the virtues themselves; there is nothing that she likes, and she walks almost crawling on the path of good. All the opposite for the soul who desires: nothing is a weight for her, everything is joy; she flies, and even in the pains she finds her tastes. This, because there was an anticipated desire, and the things which are first desired, then are loved; and as one loves them, one finds the most pleasant delights. Therefore, this desire must be accompanied before this house is built.

The ornaments of this house will be the most precious stones, the most expensive pearls and gems of this, my Life, always founded upon suffering – and pure suffering. And since the One who dwells in it is the giver of every good, He places in it the endowment of all virtues, He perfumes it with the most gentle odors, He makes the loveliest flowers exude their fragrance, He makes a celestial melody resound, of the most pleasant. He makes one breathe an air of Paradise.”

I forgot to say that one must see whether there is domestic peace; and this must be nothing other than the recollection and silence of the interior senses.

After this, I continued to be in the arms of Our Lord, and I was all stripped. In the meantime, I saw the confessor there present, and Jesus told me (but it seemed to me that He wanted to joke with me to see what I would say): “My daughter, you have stripped yourself of everything, and you know that when one is stripped, someone else is needed who would take care of clothing him, of nourishing him, and who would give him a place where he can stay. Where do you want to stay – in the arms of the confessor, or in mine?” And as He was saying this, He did the act of placing me in the arms of the confessor. I began to insist that I did not want to go, and He insisted that He wanted it. After a little bit of arguing, He told me: “Do not fear, I keep you in my arms.” And so we remained at peace.

October 30, 1899
Threat of chastisements for Rome.

This morning my benign Jesus came all afflicted, and the first words He spoke to me were: “Poor Rome, how you will be destroyed! In looking at you, I cry over you!” And He was saying this with such tenderness as to arouse compassion. But I could not understand whether it was only about the people, or also the buildings.

Since I had the obedience not to conform to Justice, but to pray, I said to Him: ‘My beloved Jesus, when it is about chastisements, one must no longer argue, but only pray.’ And so I began to pray, to kiss His wounds, and to make acts of reparation. And while I was doing this, every now and then He would say to me: “My daughter, do not use violence on Me. By doing this, you want to use violence on Me by force. So, calm yourself.”

And I: ‘Lord, it is obedience that wants it so – I am not the one who does this.’ He added: “The river of iniquities is so great as to reach the point of preventing the redemption of souls, and prayer alone, and these wounds of mine, can prevent this raging river from absorbing them all into itself.”

[1] Protest is to be intended here as an interior affirmation of the soul, an oath, of her intention not to consent to any temptation of the enemy. In Volume 1, Luisa writes: “Jesus Christ taught me that the most effective means so that the soul would remain free of any vain apprehension, of any doubt, of any fear, was to protest before Heaven, the earth and the very demons, that she does not want to offend God, even at the cost of her life, and that she does not want to consent to any temptation of the devil. And this, as soon as the soul feels the coming of the temptation, in the act of the battle, if she can, and as she begins to feel free - and also during the course of the day. By doing this, the soul will not waste time in thinking about whether she has consented or not, because the mere memory of the protest will already give her calm; and if the devil tries to disturb her, she will be able to answer that if she had the intention to offend God, she would not have protested the opposite. In this way, she will remain free of any fear….” These are “the usual protests”.

[2] Read: “…pour His bitterness into me”.

[3] religion

[4] Hope, peacemaking Mother

[5] the Divine Persons